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Really badly written and extreeeeeemely short, short story... feedback would be nice, it took quite a bit of effort to get this written, despite the fact that it's so bad gonk

The Last Human

‘I hate it here, everything is so lifeless, it drives me crazy’ I thought to myself as I hauled a heavy load of scrap metal toward the junkyard. I paused for a moment to wipe the sweat off my brow. ‘I wish I could get out of here’
I shake my head, almost laughing at myself, because I knew how impossible that dream was.

I finished dumping the load and sighed in relief, then began the long winding trek, keying in and out of room after room, back to HQ to report my work for the day and to log out of the system.

I lived in a completely technology based kingdom. Even our oxygen had to be manufactured. I gave short sigh of relief as i thought once again of how glad I was that no-one had discovered my affinity with technology. Of-course, an affinity to technology was necessary to some degree in this kingdom, but most people didn't have the same abilities that I did. What infuriated me was that despite my affinity with all things technological, I couldn't bring myself to actually like them. What I really loved was the occasional spot of colour I saw with a glimpse over the immensely tall metal walls that had been erected in the past few years.
My favourite colour was green, but no-one else knew that.

I used to wish that I was a butterfly, no-one wanted to control butterflies, so they could just go where they wanted. I'd known that it wasn't possible for quite a while, but I still couldn't help but wish. However, as my mother had often said, if wishes were horses, beggars could ride. A strange thing to say, I had thought, as there were no horses in this technological place.
I often wished there were, horses seemed like marvelous creatures.

Anything would beat these robots, day in, day out...

The HQ loomed in front of me as I finally reached the doors, at last I could go home for the day.

The doors activated, as everything else did, with a pass. The pass was a small microchip that was implanted into your right hand at birth and had all the details of where and even when you were allowed to go places. The door to the scrapyard was one of the only things keyed into mine.

I walked up to the desk and waved my hand over a digitised work roster, which then took a moment to process the information and then bleeped twice.
“Citizen six, three, seven, nine checked out at eighteen hundred hours”
I sighed, everywhere you went you were referred to by a number.
The number was based on which generation you were, your clearance, which sector you lived in and then another one picked at random - at least, that’s what I had been taught - apparently it was supposed to be an easy way for people to determine who you were.
I hated it, I had a name didn’t I? Why couldn’t people identify me by that? Not that contact with other people was very likely anyway.

I moved to the other side of the HQ building and waved my hand over the sensor. A door slid open to my left and a robotic voice sounded out.
“Thank you for your hard work” It sounded tinny and broken, obviously they still hadn’t done maintenance on it.

I walked down the short road that lead to my living sector and waved my hand over yet another sensor, a door shuddered open and a voice crackled unrecognisable words. When I was young my mother told me that they used to say ‘welcome home’, but you wouldn’t know it now.

I made my way home, keying through a few more gates, all of which crackled in similar ways to the first as I walked through. I finally arrived at my front door, passing my hand over the last sensor I’d have to deal with that day and stepping inside.

I took a short breath.
“I’m home!” I called the words brightly and forced a smile onto my face as a last broken voice echoed it’s welcome behind me.

First, first paragraph:

Second paragraph: delete with a glimpse

Third paragraph, what isn't possible... awkward/unclear.





you use then twice in the same sentence: choose one.



Most of these are just suggestions so use them at your leisure. Overall, not as bad as you make it out to be. I like the hints about the individual in question being the last human, but maybe make it slightly more noticeable. Good job! As you know, I would love to read more!