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Today Billy was painting. Ladon was out, so he didn't worry about the noise. That white noise that helped him relax. Well,...it usually did. The look on his face however suggested that he was deep in thought. He'd been doing a lot of thinking recently. Going over the events of the past few months in his mind.

He had found something that meant more to him than himself. That was a fact he had settled on.

Outings to sell his paintings and just the usual grocery shopping though proved that the rest of his views had changed very little. Other people were still despicable pawns, lowly and beneath him. ignorant idiots that crawled like ants and infested every little thing. Irritants. As he got to know others within the Negaverse family, a few exceptions rose among the masses, and he found they were no longer pawns or bugs in his eyes, but allies. Perhaps not on the same level as him - despite their rank - but they were something more than the rest of the populace. He wasn't about to humble himself for their sake.

The only exception to this was Ladon. Wolframite. As frustrated as he found himself some times, often times, the boy was worth it for some reason. A reason he didn't quite know. Billy often found himself disgusted that he'd allowed himself to stoop and labor for the boy. To be made a damn housewife. These were actions he never would have normally done. But then he thought about Ladon not being there; Ladon leaving him or some other form of rejection and his stomach churned. More than once he thought he would be physically ill at the thought. He remembered waking up one night suddenly from some nightmare stemmed from that very thought, and further panicking when the green-eyed boy was no where to be found.

Billy didn't know why he was so afraid to lose him. It wasn't like Ladon couldn't be replaced. This might have frustrated Billy more than anything. Not knowing why....

Billy hated it. he hated being rendered such a wreak. He hated having fear to begin with. And it was evident when these thoughts would flare up - Billy would do whatever he could think of to please Ladon. Case in point, that day he brought home all those baked goods. Billy hated how Ladon had the power to make him stoop to such actions.

And then Billy got confused - did he love or resent Ladon? Was it both?

Billy weighed his resent against all the things he admired in Ladon. The boy had resilience, even if it manifested itself as almost insane vengeance. To Billy, that just showed passion. Having watched Wolframite in the past weeks tare in to senshi, he'd found himself baring witness with wide, wild, eyes and a wretches smile - breath caught and heart pounding high in his chest. There had to be something wrong with him if he found such violence attractive. But then again, this was Billy. And there was more to Ladon's personality that he found ideal. Ladon's innocence and insecurity gave Billy a feeling of power. A feeling that Billy could appreciate. It helped matters that he was attractive. Sometimes though Billy couldn't help but think how much more attractive he'd be if he looked just a few years older...

By that same token though, on the bad days, Billy just felt powerless, and again a sort of resentment for making him feel so.


Sigh. Paint seemed to fill the canvas without thought - the silver-haired artist on autopilot. On the fabric a city was burning, the smoke blotted the crescent moon. Somewhere behind the flames there was a ebony wolf. In it's mouth was a chain. On the other end of that chain was the silhouette of a man. Flames reflected on the metal wrapped around his neck.

Billy was the big bad Wolf's b***h. He hated it, but wouldn't have it any other way. Unconsciously echoing the words of the wolf in question, Billy hated the one he loved. That hate wouldn't stop him from getting on his knees as Bismuthite and pledging himself Wolframite's sword and sheild.

'Use me, hate me, love me, just don't ever leave me.'

(712 Words)