And now, what you've all been waiting for: this week's top five smoothest jams from the butter-smooth realm of the smoothest jazz. Let me hit you with it, girl:
5. Pierre XVII - Jazz Candle: This is one candle you'll want to burn at both ends, if you catch my drift. You dig what I'm saying? Verily, you sly kitten, are you picking up what it is that Evil Timmy is laying down? Have you yet apprehended my meaning?
4. The Titi Muscatachiollaire Orchestra - Bass Massage: If you thought a sixteen-man band couldn't possibly create a nine-minute cacophony of sexy slap bass jazz-funk fusion and still manage to be smooth as a pretty lady's tear-filled eyeball, you were the wrongest cat in the jazzosphere.
3. Royce Breeze - Dolphin Serenity Suite: I haven't heard a vibraphone jam this serene in months. Only my man Royce Breeze has the smoothness to calm down a hot-blooded love champion like me after an all-night bass massage.
2. Raoul Champagne - Lavender Oils on Ya Butt: Please, male viewers, I want you to hit mute on that remote for the duration of this jam, because this one is strictly for the ladies. Girl, I don't think you need me to explain this one, and I can't anyway because I'm only an evil child, girl, and I am unacquainted with the ways of sensuality. But I know what you like, and it is this song. Yeah, girl.
1. Buddy Helch - Samba de Sensualidad: Could newcomer Buddy Helch be the rightful heir to the smooth jazz throne left vacant by the passing of the late Cassius LaFontine, undisputed master of the slow smooth sax jam? Only time will tell, babies. But let's put our high expectations aside and let Buddy's reedy meanderings soothe our aching earholes.
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