Lose a best friend?

[Seruleane]

Everyone has friend problems. It's hard to hold on to them and it's easy to lose them. Its depressing to know that they aren't there anymore. It's annoying to see their face but worst of all it's hateful when they've taken your happiness away along with a piece of your heart. gonk

Well, I had a best friend. She was shy and sensitive but it was always fun to be with her. She had problems and I tried to help. (Later did I know.. she didn't take any of that help. She just didn't want to be helped.)

We had a big group of ten which split in two because of this mean friend we had. I stayed in her side and convinced my other 5 friends to stay with her cause I knew that my mean friend needed the support more than my other "popular friend".

The tiny group I was in split because thy couldn't "help" the mean girl. I stayed with the mean girl and she became kinder. This gave me hope that she'd have a chance to be accepted again by the group. That best friend I had told me I couldn't change her and that there was no hope. (Basically, brought me down) We broke away.

Then one day my best friend and I said sorry to each other then happy times came back. Then we fought about the "mean" girl. I had no choice. I had to continue helping that girl. So I did. My best friend got mad. I didn't stand a chance.

It was hard to finish up that year in highschool. I was silent all the way. When I saw my "old best friend's" face, I'd be mad or unhappy that she can be happier without me. I said sorry on the last day of school. Now.. summer was hard too cause the apology wasn't accepted.

Now the "mean" girl became my best friend and my best friend became the enemy.

I can't tell anymore whether I'm happy or not. I'm stuck and I hope I can help others by giving tiny advices. Some might not be taken but that didn't stop me. I"m sorry if I can't be the best help but I'll always try to fill the void. 3nodding

 

[Seruleane]

Chefeetaboopers

I know how you feel. I had a small-ish big-ish clique of friends in high school comprised of all the nerds, goths, punks, "freaks", druggies.. etc. We were all really close! We hung out, had tons of fun going to movies and stuff. It also comprised of my friends from middle school, too. But, once I got a boyfriend and graduated high school, our clique just split. I'm trying my hardest to stay in touch, but, things just aren't working out. It kinda sucks being friends for so long and then just never talking one day.. sad

Aww.. that must hurt a lot. Why isn't the touch working? I mean they must miss you! Were they indifferent when you got a boyfriend? I'm sorry to interfere but a good friendship shouldn't go down the drain. I understand.. losing friends changes you.. it hurts to change when its not a good kind.  

[Sakura_Moonlight2421]

I know what you mean. I'm usually shy so with what friends I had, I made a lot friends through my friends. In high school I was part of two different groups, a group of friends that included my cousin, and another group of friends I made myself but within the groups were sub-groups.

In Junior year, I was in a small sub-group of five friends. We were all good friends but sometimes I'm the last to know when something goes on in the group; since I'm painfully oblivious and that I didn't get to hang out with them much. Anyway it was the first year we all had a class together. It was a typical day when I noticed that two of my friends didn't sit with the rest of us in class. [We all sat on one side of the classroom before that day arrived.] Since I didn't know what was going on I asked one of my friends what was going on. Apparently something happened when I wasn't present in the group {the two I was talking to didn't really go into detail so I'm still wondering what happened six years after the fact}.

During that time I stayed completely neutral since they were all my friends so I ended up being caught in the cross-fire sometimes but I did what I had to stay close to all of them. After high school they kind of made up but I'm not sure since I don't get to talk to them much.  

[Seruleane]

Sakura_Moonlight2421

I know what you mean. I'm usually shy so with what friends I had, I made a lot friends through my friends. In high school I was part of two different groups, a group of friends that included my cousin, and another group of friends I made myself but within the groups were sub-groups.

In Junior year, I was in a small sub-group of five friends. We were all good friends but sometimes I'm the last to know when something goes on in the group; since I'm painfully oblivious and that I didn't get to hang out with them much. Anyway it was the first year we all had a class together. It was a typical day when I noticed that two of my friends didn't sit with the rest of us in class. [We all sat on one side of the classroom before that day arrived.] Since I didn't know what was going on I asked one of my friends what was going on. Apparently something happened when I wasn't present in the group {the two I was talking to didn't really go into detail so I'm still wondering what happened six years after the fact}.

During that time I stayed completely neutral since they were all my friends so I ended up being caught in the cross-fire sometimes but I did what I had to stay close to all of them. After high school they kind of made up but I'm not sure since I don't get to talk to them much.

It's hard to be a shy person. Isn't it? We get stuck with people who seem nice but then later on leaves you. It's funny how I'm shy and I want to be friends with everyone.. I can't even say hi to most of my batchmates. Hmm.. being in more than a group is very difficult. I mean it leads to many bad things when we get clueless about things. In my case.. I knew what was going on and I tried to help out but then I didn't choose a side. I was stuck in the middle like what happened to you.

It's sad that friends aren't always honest. Sometimes all they have to do is tell you what's up so you can help them. That's why its so hard to find the truth with them. Sometimes when you apologize they say "it's okay" but then you know that its not. They just don't want to forgive. We sometimes have to do that part which brings us down sometimes. You ask yourself .. "What did I do?". Being the last person to know.. Did it somewhat offend you in a way?

Ahh.. the horrible middle. The one wherein we try to keep everyone together you we kind of rip ourselves apart. It's hard to be caught there.. especially when the group splits. You'll have to choose to be with someone who needs you more as support. It's good your group got along. It's never too late if you believe it.  

[Sakura_Moonlight2421]

silver_crystal18

Sakura_Moonlight2421

I know what you mean. I'm usually shy so with what friends I had, I made a lot friends through my friends. In high school I was part of two different groups, a group of friends that included my cousin, and another group of friends I made myself but within the groups were sub-groups.

In Junior year, I was in a small sub-group of five friends. We were all good friends but sometimes I'm the last to know when something goes on in the group; since I'm painfully oblivious and that I didn't get to hang out with them much. Anyway it was the first year we all had a class together. It was a typical day when I noticed that two of my friends didn't sit with the rest of us in class. [We all sat on one side of the classroom before that day arrived.] Since I didn't know what was going on I asked one of my friends what was going on. Apparently something happened when I wasn't present in the group {the two I was talking to didn't really go into detail so I'm still wondering what happened six years after the fact}.

During that time I stayed completely neutral since they were all my friends so I ended up being caught in the cross-fire sometimes but I did what I had to stay close to all of them. After high school they kind of made up but I'm not sure since I don't get to talk to them much.

It's hard to be a shy person. Isn't it? We get stuck with people who seem nice but then later on leaves you. It's funny how I'm shy and I want to be friends with everyone.. I can't even say hi to most of my batchmates. Hmm.. being in more than a group is very difficult. I mean it leads to many bad things when we get clueless about things. In my case.. I knew what was going on and I tried to help out but then I didn't choose a side. I was stuck in the middle like what happened to you.

It's sad that friends aren't always honest. Sometimes all they have to do is tell you what's up so you can help them. That's why its so hard to find the truth with them. Sometimes when you apologize they say "it's okay" but then you know that its not. They just don't want to forgive. We sometimes have to do that part which brings us down sometimes. You ask yourself .. "What did I do?". Being the last person to know.. Did it somewhat offend you in a way?

Ahh.. the horrible middle. The one wherein we try to keep everyone together you we kind of rip ourselves apart. It's hard to be caught there.. especially when the group splits. You'll have to choose to be with someone who needs you more as support. It's good your group got along. It's never too late if you believe it.

Yup being shy is hard but that's also a part of the territory we set ourselves up in. I think I was crazy trying to keep up with many friends but I somehow managed at times.

Technically speaking, yes it did kind of hurt to be the last to know. Its like, "Hi I'm right here if you need me", and yet no one fills me in on things till I ask what had happened or I ask a question with outdated knowledge. For example during my senior year, I was with another group of friends and we were just talking because it was the day before going on winter break. I asked my friend (well acquaintance technically), "How she and her boyfriend were doing?" Everyone stared at me like I had done something wrong. It took 30 seconds for someone to answer me, when someone said, "They're no longer dating". I was like, "Ohhh.........I didn't know." It really hurt since I felt alienated from the group as no one told me that they stopped dating 4-5 months prior to me asking.

The middle is difficult since we're pulled in many different directions but that's where we most shine as we give support where its needed rather than full support to one or the other. For me I'm usually the person my friends come to when they need an ear or some advice.  

[Sakura_Moonlight2421]

SilentRose13

I went through the same thing all through my school life by the time I was in 8th grade I was apart of 3 cliques the smart,the unknown,and the rockers/emo.Everyone was cool with each other but then some people of each group got into a disagreement this eventually led to everyone hateing each other and the ones who really didn't care were forced to chose a side,I was one of those people.none of us chose a side so there for unfriended we became our own group and watched out for eachother(since some of the other kids were kinda violent)its been 2 years since then and we all go to the same school and everyone(except my group of friends)are still pissed off at each other.I could really use some help with this problem.

I can try and help as best I can. First off what was the disagreement that those people had amongst themselves?

_LiL_ImmortaL_AngeL_

silver_crystal18

I think I'll need help.  

[Seruleane]

LanceCalvis

I've gotten really good at reading people. So, I can usually see a problem a mile away. In some cases, a few years before it occurs with a friend. The friends I have trouble with. All have the same thing in common. They are needy people. Who have been through some hard times. So, they depend on others to be around. Basically, these people have this delusion. That if someone hasn't talked in a few years. They are not there friend anymore. This doesn't matter what the duration you knew them was. If the person goes through a rough patch and you weren't there. You weren't there for them and therefore are not there friend. Matters of reality doesn't enter into it. There is an expectation that you spend time and effort on them. Yet, they will not do the same for you.

A second type of problem I've encounters. Is people that are in clicks. If you hang around a click for long enough. You will eventually have a disagreement with one of there members. This basically results in the group turning on you. Not looking at what the other person is doing. Either because they didn't see half the time. Or, they do not really care. These type of people trapped outside of reality. Consider right to be the opinion of the group. No accountability for there actions is taken. Yet, they expect accountability from others.

People that think a positive act of charity is required to be a good person. !!! This one is just beyond stupid. An act of charity is not required to be a good person. What people have done for others DOES NOT. Count as some virtual currency. That magically makes them entitled.

I went on a bit of rant there. I didn't name any names either. No one in this guild. Just people I knew at one point or another.

So do you think knowing peoples' problems is an advantage to you? Well I believe you're right. People do have that behavior and its a signal that they do need help. It can be coming from you or someone else. It would be better if you can help these people. Some of them are worth the time.. to see my friend change was heart warming. At the same time it hurts to see people still treat her badly. Some may not have effort but you'll find it in some people.

Then again you are right.. having to stay in big groups further divides peoples' minds. It's hard to keep them all as friends and be quite to some and talkative to others.. it's just an imbalance of things. Authority also gets lost. We try to keep it away but eventually someone takes the lead. Would you happen to stay in a group?

Hmm.. very true. Wait, what do you mean by "virtual currency"? Hmm.. but then a good person is anyone who can care far more than material things. Someone who can be filled with mistakes yet is willing enough to help others in any way. Some one who will be there in our hearts. I just need to find them at times. A simple act can be so much bigger to another person who needs a pat on the shoulder or anything comforting. (Sorry.. sounded weird here..)

It's okay to rant.. if it will may you better then do so.. It will get rid of a little weight. Are you talking about real people or Gaians?  

[Seruleane]

_LiL_ImmortaL_AngeL_

Jeez.... My friend history is just plain fudge((tried not to curse)) Not gonna even try to explain it because I did that before and it took up like three posts. Basically I just have a history of people just stop being my friends.... I also go for damaged people..... Hopefully the friends I have now will be nicer than my old ones ((Although I've know two of them for over 11 years)) but yeah so I've been through a load of friend s**t and only turning 15 how fun. Anyone needs any help or someone to talk to just quote my post or pm me

Aww.. it's fine. Many things happen.. especially with friends because they seem to hold your world at times. It's sad that old friends turn back and NEVER look back for you. It's just sad.. when you thought they'd be there to help you out. I know it sucks but then again.. "damaged people" might be of help. You'll see things in a different way. My friend helped me see that. Even if she's changed.. people still treat her badly. It sucks that I can't be there to help her out.

[Seruleane]

viper_353

Awwe, I'm sorry. This year I lost my best friend too. We both hung out in the same group of our amazing friends all year, but just never talked to eachother. It was really hard because I know that it fell apart partialy because of the time we both let get in the way and even though I called her a couple times to try to make up, I said the wrong thing or phrased things the wrong way and she just refused them. It also sucks because while I didn't talk to her there was so much going in in both of our lives that now when we're trying to get along with eachother again and make small talk and hang out with other friends it's just way awkward. We're trying now though. I know what you mean b not knowing whether or not yu're happy....This year was my grad year and although there were a lot of fun things that happened, I think there were ways in which it sucked just because of this.....although I tried so hard to not let in interfere. Uggh....It's been a hard year because of that I suppose, and I'm not sure whether it's going to turn around....just hoping right now. smile

Aww.. that's very hard. How can good friends turn apart? Well its actually easy now a days. It's simply misunderstanding. That sometimes shows that your friend might not be a real one when they overreact to such circumstances. Why are you blaming yourself? It's not your words being wrong! It's her understanding of them. Nothing is wrong with words.. it's only a different kind of mind.. Aww.. yes.. awkward talks come by with these kinds of friends. Its hard but then with a little effort, it can be fixed. Aww.. grad year? It must be so painful to graduate with weight on your heart. I hope things do work out with your friend. You can fix it anytime if you feel like you can. I believe you can do it. 3nodding Just a little support will get you there. wink  

[Seruleane]

SilentRose13

I went through the same thing all through my school life by the time I was in 8th grade I was apart of 3 cliques the smart,the unknown,and the rockers/emo.Everyone was cool with each other but then some people of each group got into a disagreement this eventually led to everyone hateing each other and the ones who really didn't care were forced to chose a side,I was one of those people.none of us chose a side so there for unfriended we became our own group and watched out for eachother(since some of the other kids were kinda violent)its been 2 years since then and we all go to the same school and everyone(except my group of friends)are still pissed off at each other.I could really use some help with this problem.

Ahh.. that's a wide variety of people. Some are great but then some seem scary. It's not easy to watch people get hurt. You feel like you'll need to take a step to stop it but then there will be a consequence for you if you step up to stop something like that. I have one question for you.. Do you think you're ready to take a bigger role? One that will involve you becoming a shield to your friends.. be the bridge to link the groups in war. Try to little by little talk to them and find out if the feud they are having is even worth the time. You'll be in the middle.. a hard place to be in but you know what.. you'll make the change. You'll need help from your fellow friends though. Ask them the same thing. But don't go overboard. You'll know it when you get into their battles. I believe you can do it. You want the change? You be the change.