First, use the standardized profile format. This won't be approved regardless of what you do until that's taken care of.
Now on to the individual problems.
Item 1: This profile as a whole looks like you rolled d20 and only punctuated correctly on a nat1.
Item 2: The Seireitei keeps rather precise records. Unless your character originated in Rukongai's uttermost outskirts they would likely know his age to within a month.
Item 3: 5'11" and 140lbs is falling-down anorexic. There wouldn't be any muscle tone to speak of.
Item 4: Too many commas.
Item 5: So this guy feels honor-bound to kill anyone who makes him laugh? Nice.
Item 6: Ironically, too few commas later in the 'traits and personality' section.
Item 7: Yes, we know. You've mentioned his serious and stoic attitude three times already. I'll bet money you won't stick to it IC.
Item 8: Again with the stoicism.
Item 9: A blade made of silver is, while aesthetically interesting, ******** useless in combat.
Item 10: Shikai and Bankai do not alter the physical form of a Shinigami in any way.
Item 11: Zanpakuto spirits are not demons. They are Zanpakuto spirits and nothing more.
Item 12: If your Bankai has the ability to steal or copy the abilities of any other Shikai, Bankai, or similar release state of a non-Shinigami this profile is going to get canned. Edit that out now.
Item 13: Completely and permanently gaining all the abilities of anyone you kill is so far beyond 'bullshit' I don't know where to start. 'Horseshit' might be a good line to run from.
Item 14: To save time and items, assume I've found something severely ******** up with the rest of your Bankai and am just too overwhelmed to type it all out.
Item 15: List Kido and Hado, please.
Item 16: Vampire-sword should be listed with the Shikai, not in the 'abilities' section. (to be fair, it shouldn't be listed at all, since it's totally unrelated to your Shikai concept).
Item 17: Either list all of your abilities or earn them. Saying you'll list more 'when you figure them out' is both arrogant and stupid, and will get this profile canned anywhere you submit it that's worth roleplaying in.
conclusion: Rework all of the above listed items, quote this post with any concerns about my objections you may have, and fix the grammar and spelling across the whole of this profile.
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