Welcome to Gaia! ::

Well I don't come here too often, but some of you may remember me as the weightlifting sailor who hangs out solely in the Fitness/Health subform. I'm glad to say I've finally joined your ranks in taking up martial arts as well. The style I've chosen for now is Shito-ryu Karate. And if all goes well, I may return to my childhood roots and pick up Tai Chi again.

Questions for the more seasoned fighters here:
Did you enter martial arts fearing that you would hurt others? If so, how did you overcome that fear?

Or did you enter martial arts excited about hurting people and that mentality changed as you learned more?

I am currently in the former position, afraid of even slightly hurting others. So far, I can easily get over dishing a firm tap but that's the extent of my emotional capabilities. I'm extremely slow and mild with grabs, constantly asking if it's okay to increase the twist/tension. My sensei told me that physically, I'm picking up the skills extremely quickly. (The fact that I understand some human anatomy helps.) He didn't say much about the emotional barrier but I'm very aware of it and how it's holding me back.

What's your advice to a complete noob? I mean, we never got the the point of sparring with Tai Chi and that was when I was too young to bother with theory so I REALLY am a noob here on the psychological front.

Congratulations! Glad to see you've joined the ranks of those willing to take responsibility for the defense of themselves and others.

I used to be in a similar boat to you, afraid to hurt others. I'm a very large human being compared to the average and it doesn't take much on my part to seriously hurt someone through careless action or intent to harm. I don't personally see any fault to your approach however. By doing things as you are (asking questions of other people, making certain to undercompensate rather than push too far) you are doing more than just learning a physical martial art. You are learning what the human body can do as well as developing an awareness of what you yourself can do to another human.

It's important for a martial artist to progress slowly through their art of choice. Forget the old addages of learning to walk before running and so on. By adopting a slow, steady approach you not only learn the art more thoroughly but you also take the time to really build a relationship with the person that you're training with. You are giving your body and mind time to develop a knowledge of another being's physiology and mental state (as expressed by their reactions to what you are doing). To further extend this development, in learning about another person you learn things about yourself.

As to properly-controlled aggression, that comes with time. Once you begin to know exactly what you are doing, how much you can do, and the effects of doing it to another person you will know the proper level of action to take. Read the opponent. If it's a sparring match there will be rules and goals. You should feel free to act with appropriate force to win the match. If it's a training session, your sensei will demonstrate and tell you the appropriate force to use. And if it comes down to self-defense, the necessary actions will hopefully be ingrained in your instinctive response, whether that involves the safe route of just turning over your wallet to a mugger or fighting tooth and nail against a psychotic raving murderer hopped up on PCP.