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CerciKittyCupcakes rolled 2 6-sided dice:
3, 1
Total: 4 (2-12)
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 Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 9:16 am
This is the beginning of a story I'm working on. When I'm finished, hopefully my mom will let me send this to a publishing company. I've always wanted to be the world's youngest author smile
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OOH, ACTING CLASSES. WHERE DO I SIGN UP?” My best friend, Kirsten, (Kur-sten, not Keer-sten, just FYI) said sarcastically. She was teasing me since she knows I love being a drama queen. Acting is my specialty, and for some apparent reason, it’s totally LAME at our school. Don’t ask why; I never understood it either. At our school, all you need to know is DRAMA QUEEN=LOSER. CHEERLEADER=TOTAL POPULARITY. Kirsten is a cheerleader, which means she’s on top. We were friends forever, and there was no way we’d let go of our friendship because of some stupid popularity ladder.
“Oh, shut up.” I playfully poked her shoulder, giving her a friendly glare.
Maria and all the other cheerleaders, all in uniforms, walked up to us. There was some SERIOUS hip shaking in their walking. “OMG, Kirsten. Why are you still her best friend? I mean, like, really, Valentine is—”
“Vanilla.” I interrupted through clenched teeth. “And if you really want to get it right, call me Kasey.”
“I don’t care. NOBODY cares, as a matter of fact. And BTW, Kasey doesn’t sound a thing like Vanessa.” Maria flipped her gorgeous, silky, perfect blonde hair. I’ve HAD IT with her.
“Kasey is my middle name.” I shot back. “And my name ISN’T Vanessa.”
“Whatever.” One of Maria’s follower cheerleaders rolled her honey brown eyes. “Come on, Kristen—”
“Kirsten,” my friend corrected.
“—Kirsten, we have practice. Like, you know, for the game tonight.” The follower announced. Kirsten nodded and waved bye to me. Then we split up for first period.
Poor Kirsten—she has to go through a whole year of name-forgetting, sassy cheerleaders, et cetera, et cetera. But she can stand it; my friend doesn’t hold a grudge. She’s doing what she likes, and she says that’s all that matters. It is.
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smile I just want some simple feedback. Do you like it, should I continue, should I submit it to a publishing company, etc. And you don't have to be all soft, I just want the truth about what you think! 4laugh 3nodding
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Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2011 2:33 pm
I like it :] as a suggestion, you might want to put less in all caps and try to emphasize in other ways. There's also some grammatical stuff and little nit-picky wordy parts. If you want to me point them out I'd be happy too. Overall it's nice!
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Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2011 7:08 pm
Okay, It's okay. It's not my favorite but it's the worst. A few pointers are a lot of stories now a days are written like a popular girl is best friends with the loser. If the to best friends are not going to be friends in towards the middle/end, I'm not so sure I would do that either. If you want more tips or pointers or even some publishers feel free to add me as a friend and PM me!
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Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2011 2:11 pm
It's really good. You should continue with the story because it's got a good story line so far. 3nodding Make sure you give a bit more details.
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