Welcome to Gaia! ::

i'm not sure where else to turn, as i know this doesn't belong in capstara or k_z on lj. hopefully it's ok to post this here.

in recent months i've come across an increasing number of upsetting comments about me - it's no surprise that canon shippers hate my guts, but it seems like most of the zutara fandom doesn't like me either.





that really upsets me, because i feel like we're comrades. when i post something, it's to make you guys smile. i feel like i DO contribute to the fandom, by way of the funny stuff i post in capstara. i used to write drabbles which, personally, i thought were decent. i know i'm far from the BEST writer, but it's not like i'm writing a zutarian "my immortal" or anything. should i draw fanart even though i know i suck at drawing? it would seem not, if my "shitty" drabbles don't count as contributing. how do i contribute to the fandom if nothing i'm capable of producing is good enough? as for being confrontational in gen comms, i'm trying really hard not to. everything i've posted in capsatla recently, even in comments, has been devoid of shipping unless i'm responding to someone else's shipbait (e.g. i post some random macro, someone replies with a maiko version, so i reply with a zutara version). if anything, it feels like the canon shippers are the ones being confrontational because i can't so much as groan at the mention of tenzin's mother without kataangers jumping on me about how "it's obviously canon, get over it, who ******** cares," etc. of course i'm going to defend my opinion when it's attacked. but i'm not the one making posts dripping with "mai is firelady and zuko is her husband and they have sex constantly" which, frankly, seems pretty ship-confrontational to me. it's like they're poking a bear with a stick and then scolding the bear for actually getting pissed and swiping at them.

i don't even know what the "bullies her own fanbase" part is talking about. i can't think of a single time when i actually got in a fight with a zutarian about zutara. there are zutarians i've fought with over other issues, like whether katara should've shown more respect at the NWT or whether cosplay weddings are ******** stupid*, but zutara? why would i fight about that? if someone posts their headcanon for korra, awesome. the more options the better. if someone posts a zutara fic or sexy fanart, fantastic.

so, i'm confused about some of the things being said, but i'm also upset. i don't want to be the #1 most hated zutarian. hell, i'd be ok with that if it was just the most hated among canon shippers. but i don't want to be zutara's worst enemy. that defeats the entire purpose of me supporting the ship. i just don't know what else to do. i'm already trying really hard to think before i post and not post anything inflammatory in the gen comms, but i don't know how else to make you zutarians happy. i want you to like me, i want to be someone you're glad to have on your side. what am i supposed to do?




*not just wearing a costume, but (as one guy said) wearing costumes, playing anime music during the ceremony, using anime-themed decorations, citing anime-themed vows and "instead of rings, using some other anime-related object". i basically made a post on my lj about how stupid i thought that all was because if you're not even exchanging real rings it's not a wedding, it's a LARP, and another prominent zutarian got pissed at me and we ended up defriending each other

the first few quotes came from ******** on livejournal, which is locked so only members can see it. i joined for about 5 minutes, saw that thread about me, and left. the big quote at the end came from here. there are a few other comments there about me from people who don't seem to be zutarians, but i'm not really surprised that they don't like me. i also got a comment on my youtube channel about something that was said about me, but i doubt that came from zutarians. the last big ship-related fight i got into was this one on capsatla (continued here). examples of my attempts to be a well-mannered shipper in spite of adversity are here and here.

it is weird to me that if 90% of zutarians really do hate me, none of them have said so to my face. part of the reason this is so upsetting for me is because when i do post something in capstara, i get nothing but positive comments and "i love you"s... hell, even my recent capsatla posts have gotten similar responses. so if people hate me so much, they're not really showing it when i post, only talking about it where they think i won't see or something.

Yup, Intellect is a wonderful thing.

Sorry, couldn't resist the spellchecking.

Diet, I have to ask, how old are you? Not in an angry OMG kind of way, just out of curiosity. Views change as you get older and you learn to let that kind of person wallow in their own misery. I'm 23 and most of those comments made me laugh because I know they're incredibly vapid individuals with too much time and no goals in life other than to make other people unhappy.

I do have to agree though that some of your language is unnecessary and changing it might actually improve the way people see you in the forums. Likewise, STAY AWAY FROM CAPS LOCK. It is somewhat annoying to read through and again it give off an air of being young or angry. Not trying to be mean, just trying to help a fellow Zutaran communicate their ideas in a logical manner. Nothing annoys someone more than a logical crazy person. One of my friends always responds with an overly-pleasant comment after a negative comment. Usually "Bless your heart" or "Isn't that (aren't you) precious" since she's southern. Both piss people off because they're positive, slightly patronizing, comments used in a negative manner and don't supply ammunition. It tends to end an argument quickly and cleanly because the attacker doesn't know what to do.

As to the writing part, I wrote Fanfics for years before I posted anything and even now I'm not that great. I think the best thing you can do though is find an author you admire and try to learn their style or just write and write and write. You don't have to post everything you write, it doesn't even have to be a complete story, just keep writing and practicing. Read too, classics supply a plethora of ideas and styles and words you can use in everyday life such as blogging, posting, or writing fiction.

Then again I'm one of those people who owns three dictionaries in different languages and has more books than a library.

As far as the people criticizing you it's never one or the other. It's always both because no two people react to the same thing in the same fashion. Where you may be abrasive to some, to others you don't even register in the "a*****e radar" so to speak. To use your M.Night Shamalon (sp?) example. There are some that genuinely like him and his movies. I like some of his movies. But there's also a vocal majority that doesn't like his stuff. You have to take everything with a grain of salt. You can't please everyone, so don't bother trying and be happy with the people that are pleased by you.

Capslock comms don't really practice what they preach as a whole, so the sites themselves really aren't a good example. The issue is not with the use of capslocking words either. It's your language. The use of profanities in the written form is almost always perceived as hostile. In writing, tone does not always come across. In fact it rarely does. When people reply to posts, it's very hard to portray emotions like sarcasm, amusement, and the like. So when you use profanities, it's not that you're burning people's ears, it's just you sound angry and combative so people come to the conclusion that you are attacking them. It's not that hard to see why because no one can see your face when you say such things.

Do you speak like you type with everyone? Friends? Family? Coworkers? Strangers? You're is not always so informal when you talk, correct? You have to adopt a more polite tone in order to not come across as vicious or hostile. That's how it is for everyone and the perception of hostility is what creates a lot of the fights between shipping rivals.

Everyone who says you have to contribute to the fandom to be a fan needs a good smack upside the head. Just liking a ship or whatever is more than enough to be a good fan of anything, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Those that do have a stick up their a** the size of Florida...or Japan...or any other large peninsula/island (sp?). There's not pressure on you to post anything, especially if you feel as if you'll be ridiculed for your efforts. Post things at your own pace and to hell with the rest. Be carefull with arguing about shipping though because you'll come across as a converter and that's a pointless and unappreciated effort on all fronts.

One of the first rules of debate is to not sink to personal insults, it shows you don't have any real merit to what you're saying. It's also immature, weak, and laughable. So next time someone says you suck or aren't a contributer, find out why, and if there's nothing really outstanding or they're simply being belligerent, ignore it.

I reread everything (drug induced haze last night due to injury, didn't really get most of it the first time) and no one ever really gives a solid explanation of WHY. Sorry to say, It's just layers of insults and bitching on both parts. The best thing to do, again, is to simply ignore it and do what makes you happy.

I sound like an airbender....Jeebus! *head desk*

i definitely speak the way i type with friends. they don't seem to perceive me as hostile, just... i have a sailor's mouth, i guess. does it just not register with people when i'm using profanity and saying something positive like "that was ******** brilliant" or "that s**t was amazing"? the thing is, i'm more likely to swear when i get emotional (regardless of what that emotion is, but in arguments it generally is anger or frustration), and i get emotional when i talk about zutara because i'm fiercely passionate about the ship. going back and looking at the fight in that korra thread, i only see a handful of swear words anyway, and never more than one per comment. it's not like i come out of the gate swearing like crazy for no reason.

The way people are raised effects perception as well. Experiences, family, even religion can dictate the way a person speaks. When I post, I try to post as though I'm talking to an authority figure; a boss,a teacher, a parent because I don't know what kind of person is on the other end. As long as you treat your readers/bloggers/guild members like educated folk, you're likely to get into less arguments and come across as a more mature individual.

It can come off as slightly patronizing or even condescending when you call someone a pet name like the ones listed above. Even if the comment is a positive one, the reader might not pick up on the nuance and take offence to what you're saying. Sweetie is fine for talking to little kids and of course sweethearts, but I would work on it if I were you. At least when writing to people you don't know very well.