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Reply Poetry: Death/Pain/Rejection/Darkness
+Nightmare+ Pls view & CRITIQUE!!!

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jsky_high

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PostPosted: Sun Mar 13, 2011 12:40 am


Im walking at the dark streets of elm street
And ill tell you its not a treat!
I was trying not to meet a certain person
Because he would surely give me a lesson

The night was really dark
and i suddenly bumped into a tree bark
when suddenly a black dog bark at me
and i run quickly with no sign of glee

Thats when i met him in the cemetery
I know he was burned from the crematory
he told me his name was nightmare
and then i hide like a frightened hare

I wanted to run but it seems like time is slowing down
my brown skin is full of bruises because of his very tight grip
I want to fight but he punched my lip
by now tears were dripping down my chin

I woke up back in my bed
not in elm street but in my house instead
I quickly regret that i went there...
Now i know where my silly nightmare led...
PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 8:58 pm


Be more creative please.
Use correct grammar "...A black dog bark at me"
That should've been bark + ed = barked
Capitalize you first letter on every line.

Again with the grammar "I run quickly with no sign of glee"
It should be I ran quickly with no sign of glee
Since in the beginning of the poem the unknown person in this poem
was saying "I'll tell you it's not a treat" The first line also should've been
I WAS walking ON the dark streets of Elm Street

USE CORRECT GRAMMAR! ! !

There are many forms of poetry, but rhyming doesn't seem to fit this seem
to fit this subject. But that's my opinion about this poem.

Don't think I'm being mean because you did want people to critique

Ritsuka Komeiji

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jsky_high

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 10:53 pm


Thanks for critiquing well im new in making poems...sorry if disappoint you... sad
PostPosted: Thu Apr 07, 2011 8:32 pm


jsky_high
Thanks for critiquing well im new in making poems...sorry if disappoint you... sad


You didn't, but you shouldn't be worried about my critiques. You should be the
one deciding if it's good or not.

Ritsuka Komeiji

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Poetry: Death/Pain/Rejection/Darkness

 
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