For those that don't know me, I'm Julia. Not the most talkative here, but I try to pop in every so often.
Well, I've never really posted any of my writing online... Publically, anyway. I just thought I'd get some opinions on short exerts I make. I say make because, so far, all I have that's new is this. I got rid of my other pieces because I wasn't satisfied with them. Constructive criticism is appreciated, but do not be rude, please. Thank you.
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Raven black hair against a scarlet horizon line. At least, that is what he saw. In fact, she appeared as nothing more than a life-size silhouette in his vision, almost as if she herself did not exist in this place. And yet, he knew she was real. Earlier embraces in the sunlight, with sweet roses parading around them. She had pressed her face to his chest, a light slumber having overcome her, for the sound of his heartbeat had been her lullaby.
But now, why was she here? Why so close to the cliff's unwelcoming ledge? Was she just a frightened coward, or a fearless, thoughtless fighter? Questions snapped at his brain, until they chewed at the right spot, sending him running to his lover, calling the name that held, to him, the sweetest name on his tongue.
"Sarah!"
The girl in question slowly turned from the flames that painted the sky, to stare as her defender hurried to be by her side. Eyes of crystal blue were shaded as the sun stared from behind her. So gentle, so fragile, in need of some support to help her stand.
He finally reached her, and his breath had entirely escaped his lungs. As he panted, she hesitantly reached for his hand. The warmth of her skin, and the softness of it too, it all made his heart feel light and gay.
So, why was she here, all alone? What drove here to such a dangerous peak in her life? His mind began to race, with his evil, past mistakes. Forgetting she was the one who sold him all her trust. Being blind to the love she so effortlessly gave. All because the moment with another felt right. Because the fangs of temptation had pierced his veins, poisoning him with tainted lust for those he left behind. He betrayed her, had returned to feel the lips of an old lover against his. Realization soon hit, and he told the one he loved. She was torn, and tried to make him see her pain. He promised for change, but knew not how empty his words were. The same mistake soon happened again, and again, and again, and again. Five times in total, until he saw the damage.
The one he claimed to love was broken by his own hands.
And she stayed. She chose him instead of the easy way out. He finally learned the error of his ways, and, since then, started the perilous road to finally change. She was all he wanted, lust was finally defeated.
So, why was she here?
As if she could read his mind, she pushed him to a sit, then followed suit next to him, never letting his hand go. And neither did he. He was afraid. Afraid that if he did, he'd let go of his world forever. She turned to look at him, and he saw a portrait of beauty. Beauty, sincerity, and undying truth. A single tear slid down her soft, pale cheek, but a smile claimed her face.
He was confused, until she rested her head on his shoulder.
"It's where we first met... Where we came for our first date as one... Remember?"
Suddenly, the memory of that day returned to him. The laughs, the smiles, all so true, that he knew she was the one. He wrapped his arms around her, watching the sun slowly disappear.
"I remember now... I love you."
He could feel her slowly slipping into sleep, through the fingers of reality.
"I love you, too... Happy one-year anniversary."
He doesn't remember when he fell asleep, but remembers vividly how he did. He was cradling her against him, protecting her from the disasters of the world.
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He walked onward, pressing through the suffocating darkness around him. Was he in some warped dream that his cruel, unforgiving mind had created? Or was this the result of the endless torment he'd thrown at others so ruthlessly? He thought he didn't deserve this, but was the world thinking differently than him? Fate always did have that odd way of creeping up on someone.
Alone, alone, trapped in this crazy place alone. Nowhere to go, no one to take him in. All the while feeling like he's being followed, but every glance telling him otherwise. His friends all left him; He was always lying and challenging them. His insults were relentless, but they made him look tougher. It was always about him, wasn't it? Had to be, or he'd be unhappy. The ego that had manifested in him gave birth to a monster in human skin. A monster that had mastered human tongue, studied human mannerisms, but relished in a mindset all its own.
He wandered silently, his mind finally catching up to itself. He was so great. The best. Unstoppable. But it seemed opposing forces had decided he needed to finally crash. Into himself. That's where he was. It finally occured to him. He was no longer a part of the world he had shaped for himself. He was no longer in safety's embrace. Rather, he was gone. Away. So far away.
It was almost unnerving to know... He was out of his mind. Because his mind decided to consume him and thrust him in a world fitted like his heart. A world so black, so cold, lonely and uncaring. (Random thing I just did.)
Well, I've never really posted any of my writing online... Publically, anyway. I just thought I'd get some opinions on short exerts I make. I say make because, so far, all I have that's new is this. I got rid of my other pieces because I wasn't satisfied with them. Constructive criticism is appreciated, but do not be rude, please. Thank you.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Raven black hair against a scarlet horizon line. At least, that is what he saw. In fact, she appeared as nothing more than a life-size silhouette in his vision, almost as if she herself did not exist in this place. And yet, he knew she was real. Earlier embraces in the sunlight, with sweet roses parading around them. She had pressed her face to his chest, a light slumber having overcome her, for the sound of his heartbeat had been her lullaby.
But now, why was she here? Why so close to the cliff's unwelcoming ledge? Was she just a frightened coward, or a fearless, thoughtless fighter? Questions snapped at his brain, until they chewed at the right spot, sending him running to his lover, calling the name that held, to him, the sweetest name on his tongue.
"Sarah!"
The girl in question slowly turned from the flames that painted the sky, to stare as her defender hurried to be by her side. Eyes of crystal blue were shaded as the sun stared from behind her. So gentle, so fragile, in need of some support to help her stand.
He finally reached her, and his breath had entirely escaped his lungs. As he panted, she hesitantly reached for his hand. The warmth of her skin, and the softness of it too, it all made his heart feel light and gay.
So, why was she here, all alone? What drove here to such a dangerous peak in her life? His mind began to race, with his evil, past mistakes. Forgetting she was the one who sold him all her trust. Being blind to the love she so effortlessly gave. All because the moment with another felt right. Because the fangs of temptation had pierced his veins, poisoning him with tainted lust for those he left behind. He betrayed her, had returned to feel the lips of an old lover against his. Realization soon hit, and he told the one he loved. She was torn, and tried to make him see her pain. He promised for change, but knew not how empty his words were. The same mistake soon happened again, and again, and again, and again. Five times in total, until he saw the damage.
The one he claimed to love was broken by his own hands.
And she stayed. She chose him instead of the easy way out. He finally learned the error of his ways, and, since then, started the perilous road to finally change. She was all he wanted, lust was finally defeated.
So, why was she here?
As if she could read his mind, she pushed him to a sit, then followed suit next to him, never letting his hand go. And neither did he. He was afraid. Afraid that if he did, he'd let go of his world forever. She turned to look at him, and he saw a portrait of beauty. Beauty, sincerity, and undying truth. A single tear slid down her soft, pale cheek, but a smile claimed her face.
He was confused, until she rested her head on his shoulder.
"It's where we first met... Where we came for our first date as one... Remember?"
Suddenly, the memory of that day returned to him. The laughs, the smiles, all so true, that he knew she was the one. He wrapped his arms around her, watching the sun slowly disappear.
"I remember now... I love you."
He could feel her slowly slipping into sleep, through the fingers of reality.
"I love you, too... Happy one-year anniversary."
He doesn't remember when he fell asleep, but remembers vividly how he did. He was cradling her against him, protecting her from the disasters of the world.
-------------------------------------------------------------
He walked onward, pressing through the suffocating darkness around him. Was he in some warped dream that his cruel, unforgiving mind had created? Or was this the result of the endless torment he'd thrown at others so ruthlessly? He thought he didn't deserve this, but was the world thinking differently than him? Fate always did have that odd way of creeping up on someone.
Alone, alone, trapped in this crazy place alone. Nowhere to go, no one to take him in. All the while feeling like he's being followed, but every glance telling him otherwise. His friends all left him; He was always lying and challenging them. His insults were relentless, but they made him look tougher. It was always about him, wasn't it? Had to be, or he'd be unhappy. The ego that had manifested in him gave birth to a monster in human skin. A monster that had mastered human tongue, studied human mannerisms, but relished in a mindset all its own.
He wandered silently, his mind finally catching up to itself. He was so great. The best. Unstoppable. But it seemed opposing forces had decided he needed to finally crash. Into himself. That's where he was. It finally occured to him. He was no longer a part of the world he had shaped for himself. He was no longer in safety's embrace. Rather, he was gone. Away. So far away.
It was almost unnerving to know... He was out of his mind. Because his mind decided to consume him and thrust him in a world fitted like his heart. A world so black, so cold, lonely and uncaring. (Random thing I just did.)
