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 Posted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 5:53 pm
Well, I've shared my writing in the forums, and let me say, it was hated. Very much. And it was like people stabbing my heart with a knife, because my friends say I'm awesome at writing, and I wanna become an author. An award-winning one, at that. So I wanted to share my writing with the nice people and see what they thought. (Plz don't be mean if you don't like it)
Amanda entered the hidden nightclub, and her mind was blown. The dance floor's lights flashed furiously--rose red, electric green, sky blue, fox fur orange, rose red, electric green, sky blue, fox fur orange. It repeated the pattern like the dance floor had brain damage. Music boomed on the broad stereo and was so loud that it was as if the music were mallots, whacking against your ear drums. Amanda squeezed through the myriad of people dancing to get to the bar, and when she eventually appeared out of the crowd, she was crawling on her hands and knees. She stood up, staring at the disco ball spinning rapidly, casting circles upon the floor, ceiling, and walls that rotated in unison with the ball. "Truly, this is ah-maze-ing!" Amanda whispered to herself, still enjoying the view of the nightclub. Believe it or not, there was even more to it she hadn't been in nor saw.
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Posted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 6:25 pm
I do like your writing style. Everyone has their own style of writing, even I do and I actually share your dream. I want my books to become Grammy winning movies, but I have a long road ahead of me.
I think the only thing that people were hating on was the story. People tend to be crule when they don't like a story. Like, you might right fantasy, but I like adventure, so I would say your stuff sucks and that you just need to stop writing. (i'm not saying that about you o.o) But instead I should say, "Oh, you have very good a writing. Even though I'm not into fantasy, this is really good, keep the great work up and keep writing!" Life is filled with pricks and hardasses, and for some reason, 98% of them are on gaia, who knew. But you just have to push through and ignore them, and if you think you are doing something wrong or your writing honestly is back then do these things:
•Read you writing out loud to yourself and then to someone else.
•Read it backwards. This way you are reading one sentence at a time. This slows your thought process down and allows you to catch any mistakes or awkwardness.
•Let others read it to themselves.
•Walk away from it and don't pick it up for at least 3 days. This way your brain is a little fresher to the story and you will catch things a lot easier.
I hope all this helps. And if you need any other help at all, please quote me and don't be afraid to ask. No question is a stupid question, so ask away. ^^
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Posted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 6:32 pm
I really like the way you describe things, it gives the story a lot of color. Especialy for the music and lights.
I don't understand why anyone would say anything bad about it, it's looking really good so far.
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Posted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 6:42 pm
Keyoshi Storm I do like your writing style. Everyone has their own style of writing, even I do and I actually share your dream. I want my books to become Grammy winning movies, but I have a long road ahead of me. I think the only thing that people were hating on was the story. People tend to be crule when they don't like a story. Like, you might right fantasy, but I like adventure, so I would say your stuff sucks and that you just need to stop writing. (i'm not saying that about you o.o) But instead I should say, "Oh, you have very good a writing. Even though I'm not into fantasy, this is really good, keep the great work up and keep writing!" Life is filled with pricks and hardasses, and for some reason, 98% of them are on gaia, who knew. But you just have to push through and ignore them, and if you think you are doing something wrong or your writing honestly is back then do these things: •Read you writing out loud to yourself and then to someone else. •Read it backwards. This way you are reading one sentence at a time. This slows your thought process down and allows you to catch any mistakes or awkwardness. •Let others read it to themselves. •Walk away from it and don't pick it up for at least 3 days. This way your brain is a little fresher to the story and you will catch things a lot easier. I hope all this helps. And if you need any other help at all, please quote me and don't be afraid to ask. No question is a stupid question, so ask away. ^^ That's some great advice Storm. That's the kind of teamwork I like to see. smile
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Posted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 6:52 pm
jerksofreshhhh Keyoshi Storm I do like your writing style. Everyone has their own style of writing, even I do and I actually share your dream. I want my books to become Grammy winning movies, but I have a long road ahead of me. I think the only thing that people were hating on was the story. People tend to be crule when they don't like a story. Like, you might right fantasy, but I like adventure, so I would say your stuff sucks and that you just need to stop writing. (i'm not saying that about you o.o) But instead I should say, "Oh, you have very good a writing. Even though I'm not into fantasy, this is really good, keep the great work up and keep writing!" Life is filled with pricks and hardasses, and for some reason, 98% of them are on gaia, who knew. But you just have to push through and ignore them, and if you think you are doing something wrong or your writing honestly is back then do these things: •Read you writing out loud to yourself and then to someone else. •Read it backwards. This way you are reading one sentence at a time. This slows your thought process down and allows you to catch any mistakes or awkwardness. •Let others read it to themselves. •Walk away from it and don't pick it up for at least 3 days. This way your brain is a little fresher to the story and you will catch things a lot easier. I hope all this helps. And if you need any other help at all, please quote me and don't be afraid to ask. No question is a stupid question, so ask away. ^^ That's some great advice Storm. That's the kind of teamwork I like to see. smile Thank you owo I have the thread set up if you would like to go take a look or post and what not. ^^ I figured out a way around the coding problem >w< I made all my post pictures and just posted the img code. xD
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Posted: Thu Mar 03, 2011 2:14 pm
i think its GREAT. you you could make the sentences a little longer tho. i have the same problem lol. theres one part i had to read a few times tho the part where ya said "The dance floor's lights flashed furiously--rose red, electric green, sky blue, fox fur orange, rose red, electric green, sky blue, fox fur orange" its good just try to cutting it a little like... uh... "the dance floors light flashed quickly from a series of unimaginable colors" ... wait i dont know if that sounded right but you know what im sayin. but overall idk what those cruel and loser type arena trolls be talkin bout, u did a good job
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Posted: Sat Mar 05, 2011 11:22 am
You guys are too nice ^_^
A lot nicer than those normal forum jackasses (it means donkeys, ok?). TY a lot, for all of you guys' support. (Agh my dog keeps licking me I can't type)
It's nice to know the people who write themselves think my work is awesome. Yay! My day is better (I just found out this huge test at school is on my b-day. -.- *sigh*)
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Posted: Sat Mar 05, 2011 7:27 pm
sorry others were so mean to u. I liked your writing. But i'd love to see more than that. keep it up.
p.s. wonderful descriptions.
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virtual ghost uninstalled
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Posted: Sun Mar 06, 2011 12:55 pm
You've definitely got a lot of potential ^^ The descriptions are very vivid, and they give me a good mental image of what's going on. The story also sounds interesting as well-- if you were to post more, I'd definitely continue reading :3
I would suggest on working on showing instead of telling. For example, instead of "She was enjoying herself very much" one might say "The lights from the dance floor shone in her eyes, her smile almost as brilliant as the flashing colours of the club." Or something ^^; Also, try to cut down on unnecessary bits; for example, the colours of the lights don't have to be told more than once. You can just say that they repeated; it gets rid of awkward lengthy sentences and explains what is needed to be said in fewer words. (That being said, long sentences aren't always necessarily bad. It just depends on whether or not they are able to flow.)
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