Welcome to Gaia! ::

So I made a very huge mistake today. Like, emotionally damaging. I decided to try to be civil with my ex and ask him why he was quitting his crappy job at McDonald's and applying for an equally shitty job at Subway. He replies with a response that says "working in (insert town name) is a step above working in (insert crappy town here)". Somehow he turned against me by asking if I miss him. I asked him if he wanted the truth, to which he said yes. I told him quite up front that I miss him like crazy, and asked him if he missed me, too. He replied with a simple "no I don't." and asked me if I was going to the True Colors Convention (big ol' LGBT convention thing) and I said I can't since I have no means of getting a ride there. He says "Oh. Good night!" and that's the end.

I am currently trembling uncontrollably with either fury or long-buried grief that is bubbling up in a non-emotional way, and I feel depressed, sad, and angry all at the same time. I want to cry. I want to punch holes in my walls. I want to kick my TV. I want to get back into my practice of knife and tomahawk throwing so I can attack him when I see him next. Sad part is, I'm really not exaggerating. And as I finish writing this down, I realize that instead of helping, this makes the pain worse.

Tonight, I effectively gave him an invitation to reopen the wound and dump acid into it as a token of farewell. Too bad I'm above drugs, alcohol, self-harm and other means of escape. -_- please /this night.

damnit squee :/

that's why it's called the ventilator shaft, you did very well at venting your emotions. i understand that going through hard times can be very difficult but the opportunity to express emotions and an environment free of many negatives can help. so yeah, expression of emotions squee. it's just a natural part of existence that things are unpredictable. and you shouldn't feel like you want to delete this. biggrin

And it's an innuendo...