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the young poetic writer needs ur opnion

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did you like my poetry?
your very good for your age
42%
 42%  [ 3 ]
your great
42%
 42%  [ 3 ]
you will get better...
0%
 0%  [ 0 ]
your so deep
14%
 14%  [ 1 ]
Total Votes : 7


blissfulend

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 01, 2011 6:52 pm


hi im bailey. im a young-ish (age: 15) poetic writer that skills in the art of dark poetry. my spelling bad do to problems i dont wish to explain. so plz dont critize me on that and just focase on the poems its self and give me ur opnion

newest work

spelling editited on "craveing for death subsided" and " Slipped into suicide" by jerksofreshhhh.

Craving for death subsided
I've had a craving that can get me sent away
held in the place were men with white coats play
giving those pills that fog the reality in your mind to make everything seem "okay" .
I just wanna taste it, don't you see?
slide the smooth greasy metal barrel in my mouth
place a finger on the trigger and close my eyes
knowing the line of my life and my fate is all in that moment
I can change it all in one simple pull
As i contemplate my next move
my eyes are drawn to my lovers name drawn in the middle of my wrist
for you I shall stay and fight
Live all i can take till I fully break and your all out of tape
take the beating of a life time to keep you mine
With those simple thoughts i slid the gun out of my mouth
placed it in its wooden tomb
only to know that we may meet this way again



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
popular work

Slipped into suicide

I'v got a gun in my mouth
The angel of death whispering in my ear
To pull the trigger now or forever thine fear
To suffer forever in a world with no peace
and bow down to the creators of my defeat
For the lust of life I no longer desired to obtain
As the bitter lonely had driving me insane
So I Accepted the words the dark angel had bestowed
letting my lifeless body fall into the dead world of unknown

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

not the best iv done

i might, i probably, i will

I might leave you
becase you kissed that other girl

I'll probably leave you
becase im your secound choice

I might walk away
becase you dont care about me anymore

I might need you
but you dont need me

Ill probably cry for you
but you'll just forget me

I might dump you
like you did to my heart

I might hate you
becase you did all this to my heart when i only gave you love

but I will miss you
becase no matter what i truly care about you, even thogh you dont truly care about me

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
one of my moast popular

Death for a love

A crows call prices the night air of the cold graveyard
A girl sits on a grave,a puddle of blood forming on the ground
Death surrounds her
So full of peace yet sorrow
No end to her sadness
No end to her missory
No end to her heart break
Only one way out
but dare she take it
once down that road
there no turning back
her loved one under her
cold and lifeless
tears trickle down her cheeks
hands trembling
she lays on top of where her loved one lays beneath the dirt
she takes out her knife
and looks at the bleeding cuts on her arm
she whispers to herself "we must be together dead or alive"
the girl jabs the knife threw her heart
she lays there dead still
her skin turning pale and cold
her life darning away
blood puddle forms in which she lays
death surrounds her all around
soon she will be with her loved one underground
she finds her loved one in where death come to stay
greeted by a loving kiss
and a hug that lasts forever
the to lovers will never leave anther
not now
not ever
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
not that dark of a poem

You always wanted her


I could tell the way you spoke about her you wanted her
I just diddnt want to belive it...
The way you held her in your arms when she was cold
I should have known...
The way you told me how it felt when you kissed her when you were drunk
I was to blind to see...
The way you planed a date for her and her boyfriend
I should have known you wished you were hers...
The way you loved her was no where near the love you had for me
I was your secound choice....
As i left you..the way you imeditly slept with her
How could you...
I see now our relashonship was a lie
I see how i was just a toy to you
But what i aslo see is that im the sexyest girlfriend you'v ever had and once you see that
I'll be with my new boyfriend happyer then i'v ever been
so have fun with your new toy baby cuz she is nothing compard to me
and the man in my life sees that better then you ever will

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
just a fun pice to write

The vampire feeding

show your neck
let them feed
let the blood drip to your feet
gasp for air
they wont care
screams of pain fill the air
blood splatters on the wall
wach as dead bodys fall
eyes turn red
fangs grow insted
run fast takeing pray
just anuther feeding day
blood puddles on the ground
bloody screams all around
its the vampires time to play
so show your neck and be there pray
PostPosted: Tue Mar 01, 2011 7:01 pm


I love all of these, especially You Always Wanted Her.

xDanie Bearx

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Pon and Zi 14

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 7:22 am


i love them
PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 12:53 pm


very touching =) almost cried lol

FaithfxlLee

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Volixia669

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 4:07 pm


I love these. And as for the spelling, the play my school is doing was written by a dyslexic student. There are a ton of errors, but it is a beautiful story and spelling beside, was well written.
PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 4:15 pm


*APPLAUSE*
Great Job!

jerksofreshhhh
Captain

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 5:24 pm


Beautiful ^^
PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 5:34 pm


What fabulous (yet pessimistic) poems! *gives round of applause* Very good!  

CerciKittyCupcakes

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IzayasFun

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 04, 2011 11:22 am


I think your poems are wonderful, very soulful and thought evoking about one's self but i just wanted to point out a few errors in spelling.
Becase > Because
Iv > I've
Secound > Second
Thogh > Though
Moast > Most
Missory > Misery
Threw her heart > Through her heart
Her life darning away > Her life draining away
To lovers > two lovers
Never leave anther > Never leave another

I apologize , i would point out a few more that are there but i have to go for now~
Maybe you should over look your poems to edit a few things. Since you made just small mistakes.

PostPosted: Fri Mar 04, 2011 4:08 pm


Don't worry about spelling. It's just there so that schools have something else to lecture on. Those poems are amazing. I go crazy overr the sad stories told in poems. Yours are amazing.

XXXXXXXXXXXD

Dangerous Informer


aubreygraham2020

PostPosted: Sat Mar 05, 2011 7:19 pm


WOW! these are incredible. keep you poems coming!!
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