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So, Mel said I could do a topic wherein I rant about various RPG stuff, good and bad, big and small. Gonna try to update every 10 days or so, though new games are distracting so I may miss some days. Most rants will be humorous or bitchy in nature, as is my standard procedure here on Gaia, but not all. Polls will be random things about random and often obscure games and game series, and will be updated practically never. The results of the polls, and my comments on them, are found in the second post.

So...um...this will be a table of contents post, I guess. Also I'll list what RPGs I'm familiar with, for the heck of it.

Feel free to comment on my comments, of course. Just realize I may eat you for it. Non-sexually...unless you say something REALLY cool.


The RPGs I've Beaten (Favorites Underlined): The 7th Saga; AeternoBlade; Alundra 1 + 2; Anachronox; Anodyne; Arc the Lad 1 - 5; Arcanum: Of Steamworks and Magick Obscura; Ash; Atelier Iris 1; Avalon Code; Away: Shuffle Dungeon; Bahamut Lagoon; Baldur's Gate 1 + 2; Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden; Baroque; Bastion; Baten Kaitos 1 + 2; Betrayal at Krondor; Black Sigil: Blade of the Exiled; Boktai 1; Borderlands 1; Breath of Fire 1 - 5; Castlevania: Lament of Innocence, Order of Ecclesia, Portrait of Ruin, and Symphony of the Night; Celestian Tales: Old North; Children of Mana; Chrono Cross and Trigger; Code of Princess; Crimson Shroud; Crystalis; Dark Cloud 1 + 2; Defender's Quest 1; Defenders of Oasis; Deus Ex 1 + 2; Dex; Disgaea 1 + 2; Divinity 1; Dragon Age 1 + 2; Dragon Ball Z: Legend of the Super Saiyen; Dragon Fantasy 1 + 2; Dragon Quest 4 - 6, 8, + 9; Dust: An Elysian Tail; Earthbound; Embric of Wulfhammer's Castle; Eternal Poison; Eternal Senia; Evoland; Evolution Worlds; Fairune; Fallout 1 - 4, New Vegas, and Tactics; Final Fantasy 3 - 7, 8, 9, 10, 12, 12: Revenant Wings, Crystal Chronicles 1 and Ring of Fates, Mystic Quest, Tactics, and Tactics Advance 1; Fire Emblem 1, 4, 7, 9, and 14; Fragile Dreams: Farewell Ruins of the Moon; Geneforge 1 + 2; Glory of Heracles 5; Golden Sun 1 - 3; Gothic 1 + 2; Grandia 1, 2, + 3; Grinsia; Heroes of Annihilated Empires; Hero's Saga: Laevatein Tactics; Hoshigami Remix: Ruining Blue Earth; Icewind Dale 1 + 2; Illusion of Gaia; Infinite Dunamis; Infinite Space; Izuna 1 + 2; Jade Empire; Justice Chronicles; Kingdom Hearts 1, 2, 358/2 Days, and Chain of Memories; The Kingdom of Loathing; Knights in the Nightmare; Knights of the Old Republic 1 + 2; La Pucelle Tactics; Lagoon; The Last Story; Legaia 1 + 2; Legena: Union Tides; The Legend of Dragoon; Legend of Grimrock 1; The Legend of Heroes 6-1; The Legend of Korra: A New Era Begins; Legend of Mana; The Legend of Zelda 1 + 2, A Link Between Worlds, A Link to the Past, Link's Awakening, Majora's Mask, Ocarina of Time, Oracle of Ages + Seasons, Phantom Hourglass, Skyward Sword, Spirit Tracks, The Wind Waker, and Twilight Princess; Lionheart: Legacy of the Crusader; Live A Live; Lords of Xulima; Lufia 1 + 2; Lunar 1, 2, and Dragon Song; Magic Knight Rayearth RPG; The Magic of Scheherazade; Magical Starsign; Makai Kingdom; Mana Khemia 1; Mario and Luigi 1 - 4; Mark Leung: Revenge of the b***h; Mass Effect 1, 2, and 3; Mega Man Star Force 1 + 2; Monstania; Mother 3; My World, My Way; Neverwinter Nights 1; Nox; Okage: Shadow King; Orcs + Elves; Paper Mario 2; Parasite Eve 1; Phantasy Star 1 - 4 and Universe; Phantom Brave; Pier Solar and the Great Architects; Pillars of Eternity; Planescape: Torment; Pokemon Generations 1 - 5 and 5-2; Quest 64; Radiant Historia; Return to Krondor; Rhapsody: A Musical Adventure; Risen; Riviera: The Promised Land; Robocalypse; Robotrek; Rogue Galaxy; Romancing Saga 1; Rune Factory 1; Sailor Moon: Another Story; Sakura Wars 5; The Secret of Evermore; The Secret of Mana; Seiken Densetsu 3; Shadow Hearts 1 - 3; Shadowrun: Dragonfall, Genesis, Hong Kong, Returns, and SNES; Shin Megami Tensei 1, 2, and 3 + 4, Devil Summoner Raidou Kuzunoha 1 + 2, Devil Summoner: Soul Hackers; Devil Survivor 1 + 2, Digital Devil Saga 1 + 2, Persona 3 FES, 4, and Q, and Strange Journey; Shining Force 1, 2, EXA, and Sword of Hajya; Silver; Skies of Arcadia; Solatorobo: Red the Hunter; Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood; Soulblazer; Star Ocean 1 - 3; Startropics 1 + 2; Suikoden 1, 2, 3 - 5, Tactics, and Tierkreis; Super Mario RPG; Swords + Darkness; Tales of Destiny 1, Legendia, Phantasia, Symphonia, and the Abyss; Tenchi Muyo RPG; Terranigma; Threads of Fate; Torchlight 1; Treasure of the Rudras; Undertale; Valkyria Chronicles 1; Valkyrie Profile 1, 2, and Covenant of the Plume; Vandal Hearts 1 + 2; Weapon Shop de Omasse; Wild ARMs 1 - 3, and 4 + 5; Witch and Hero 1 + 2; The Witcher 1 + 2; The Wizard of Oz: Beyond the Yellow Brick Road; The World Ends with You; Xenoblade Chronicles 1; Xenogears; Xenosaga 1 - 3 and Pied Piper; Zenonia 1

That Would Be: 301 RPGs

Number of Rants So Far: 313 Rants


TABLE OF CONTENTS:

The 7th Saga's List: Page 2
Alundra 2's Reputation: Page 36
Announcement: Page 4
Annual Summary: 2007: Page 23
Annual Summary: 2008: Page 25
Annual Summary: 2009: Page 30
Annual Summary: 2010: Page 34
Annual Summary: 2011: Page 37
Annual Summary: 2012: Page 39
Annual Summary: 2013: Page 41
Avalon Code's Spirits' Weakness: Page 36
Bahamut Lagoon's Love Triangle: Page 9
The Baldur's Gate Series's Add-Ons: Page 37
Bastion: Page 37
Baten Kaitos 1's Inclusion of the Player: Page 14
Borderlands 1's Downloadable Content: Page 39
Breath of Fire 2's Dragon Tear: Page 37
Breath of Fire 3's Plot: Page 9
The Breath of Fire Series's Innovation: Page 16
Chrono Cross's Accent System: Page 36
Chrono Cross's Characters: Page 30
Chrono Trigger: Page 38
Chrono Trigger's New Game+: Page 25
Chrono Trigger's Next Sequel: Why SquareEnix Disgusts Me: Page 28
Dragon Age 1's Add-Ons: Page 34
Dragon Age 1's Blood Motif: Page 40
Dragon Age 1's Morrigan: Why I Don't Like Her: Page 32
Dragon Age 1's Sex Scene's Equality: Page 31
Dragon Age 2's Add-Ons: Page 37
Dragon Age 2's Finale's Problems: Page 35
Dragon Age 2's The Exiled Prince Downloadable Content: Page 35
Dragon Quest 5's List: Page 36
The Elder Scrolls 4's Add-Ons: Page 42
Embric of Wulfhammer's Castle: Page 40
Evolution Worlds's Characters: Page 31
Fallout 1 and 2's Stupid Protagonists: Page 33
Fallout 3 AMV: If You Tolerate This Your Children Will Be Next: Page 29
Fallout 3 AMV: Land of Confusion: Page 31
Fallout 3 AMV: Mad World: Page 32
Fallout 3's Downloadable Content: Page 30
Fallout 3's Ending Stupidity: Page 27
Fallout 3's Ending Stupidity Retraction: Page 27
Fallout: New Vegas Analysis: Page 37
Fallout: New Vegas's Downloadable Content: Page 36
Fallout: New Vegas's Ending: Page 36
Fallout: New Vegas's Lousy Karma System: Page 35
Fallout: New Vegas's Wild Wasteland Trait: Page 36
The Fallout Series's Soundtracks: Page 13
Final Fantasy 4 Theory: Kain's Bisexuality: Page 25
Final Fantasy 4's Edward's Worth: Page 22
Final Fantasy 5's Characters and Plot: Page 4
Final Fantasy 6's Locke: Why I Don't Like Him: Page 5
Final Fantasy 7's Cait Sith's Worth: Page 33
Final Fantasy 7's Cloud's Cross Dressing: Page 29
Final Fantasy 8's Characters: Page 1
Final Fantasy 9 AMV: Porcelain: Page 32
Final Fantasy 9's Strategy Guide: Page 36
Final Fantasy 9's Theme of Identity: Page 15
Final Fantasy 10 AMV: Monster: Page 38
Final Fantasy 10's Tidus's Realness: Page 22
Final Fantasy 12's Characters: Page 19
Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles's Plot: Page 13
The Final Fantasy Series as Women: Page 3
The Final Fantasy Series's Ara-Aga: Page 8
The Final Fantasy Series's Limit Break Names: Page 41
The Final Fantasy Series's Old School Vs. New School Arguments: Page 31
The Fire Emblem Series's Wyvern Riders: Page 37
Fragile Dreams: Farewell Ruins of the Moon's Shin's Fate: Page 36
General RPG Lists: Greatest Deaths: Page 42
General RPG Lists: Greatest Endings: Page 28
General RPG Lists: Greatest Heroes: Page 36
General RPG Lists: Greatest Romances: Page 39
General RPG Lists: Greatest RPGs: Page 38
General RPG Lists: Greatest Swords: Page 27
General RPG Lists: Greatest Vehicles: Page 34
General RPG Lists: Greatest Villains: Page 35 (Formerly 25)
General RPG Lists: Lamest Villains: Page 40
General RPG Lists: Most Annoying Characters: Page 26
General RPG Lists: Most Over-Powered Characters: Page 25
General RPG Lists: Pokemon: Page 42
General RPG Lists: Stupidest Weapons: Page 26
General RPG Lists: Weirdest Characters: Page 39
General RPG Lists: Worst Endings: Page 38
General RPG Lists: Worst RPGs: Page 26
General RPG Maker Nintendo: Why I Respect Them So Much: Page 37
General RPG Maker SquareEnix: Why I'm Boycotting its Products: Page 34
General RPG Retailer GOG.com: Page 39
General RPGs as Seen by EGM: Page 2
General RPGs From Japan: Page 34
General RPGs From the US: Page 4
General RPGs' Action RPG Battle Choreography: Page 21
General RPGs' AMVs 1: Page 29
General RPGs' AMVs 2: Page 35
General RPGs' AMVs 3: Page 35
General RPGs' AMVs 4: Page 36
General RPGs' AMVs 5: Page 38
General RPGs' AMVs 6: Page 39
General RPGs' AMVs 7: Page 39
General RPGs' AMVs 8: Page 40
General RPGs' AMVs 9: Page 40
General RPGs' AMVs 10: Page 41
General RPGs' Ancient Civilizations: Page 18
General RPGs' Animal Characters: Page 35
General RPGs' Anime Girl Run Syndrome: Page 39
General RPGs' Anime Retellings: Page 39
General RPGs' Archers: Page 24
General RPGs' Child Party Members: Page 29
General RPGs' Clear Data Bonuses: Page 40
General RPGs' Combined Gameplay: Page 25
General RPGs' Curative Falls: Page 33
General RPGs' Dreams: Page 23
General RPGs' Elves: Page 24
General RPGs' Floating Locations: Page 13
General RPGs' Glitchy PC Games: Page 29
General RPGs' Hot Spring Scenes: Page 27
General RPGs' Lack of Significant Homosexual Characters: Page 32
General RPGs' Level Caps: Page 40
General RPGs' Love Hina Syndrome: Page 22
General RPGs' Mario: The True Knight: Page 24
General RPGs' Minigames 1: Page 7
General RPGs' Minigames 2: Chinchirorin: Page 10
General RPGs' Minigames 3: Hauler Beasts: Page 14
General RPGs' Minigames 4: Treasure Field: Page 16
General RPGs' Minigames 5: Page 19
General RPGs' Minigames 6: Fishing: Page 23
General RPGs' Minigames 7: Torneko's Weapon Shop Employment: Page 32
General RPGs' Minigames 8: The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass's Fishing: Page 34
General RPGs' Minigames 9: Spheda: Page 36
General RPGs' Minigames 10: Auctions: Page 42
General RPGs' Minigames 11: Hide and Seek: Page 43
General RPGs' Opening Sequences: Page 32
General RPGs' Over-Complicated Battle Systems: Page 22
General RPGs' Packaging Extras: Page 27
General RPGs' Protagonist - NPC Romances: Page 38
General RPGs' Racial Inequality: Page 27
General RPGs' Rare Item Drops: Page 1
General RPGs' Romantic Pacing: Page 25
General RPGs' Odd Protagonists: Page 10
General RPGs' Post-Battle Taunts: Page 18
General RPGs' Resurrection Abuse: Page 30
General RPGs' Sailing: Page 24
General RPGs' Silent Protagonists: Page 5
General RPGs' Sprint Meters: Page 43
General RPGs' Thunder Spells: Page 6
General RPGs' Timed Hits: Page 41
General RPGs' Ultimate Stuff Held by Ultimate Foes: Page 5
General RPGs' Unnecessary Paternal Ties Syndrome: Page 30
General RPGs' Villains' Laughs: Page 13
General RPGs' Villains' Screen Time: Page 42
General RPGs' Voice Acting: Page 31
General RPGs' Voyeuristic Paralysis Syndrome: Page 40
General RPGs' Wasted FMVs: Page 37
General RPGs' Women's Clothing: Page 18
Golden Sun 3's Former Heroes' Aging: Page 38
Grandia 3: Page 3
Hero's Saga: Laevatein Tactics's Characters: Page 36
Icewind Dale 1's Add-Ons: Page 39
Icewind Dale 2's Superiority to Icewind Dale 1: Page 41
Kingdom Hearts 2's Atlantica: Page 14
Kingdom Hearts 2's Jack Sparrow: Page 10
Kingdom Hearts 2's Villain Problem: Page 35
The Kingdom Hearts Series's Winnie the Pooh: Page 6
Knights of the Old Republic 2's Kreia: Page 14
Knights of the Old Republic 2's Restored Content Mod: Page 41
La Pucelle Tactics: Why I Was Disappointed With It: Page 23
The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time's Characters: Page 5
The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time's Money Limit: Page 6
The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker AMV: The Cinematic Experience: Page 34
The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess AMV: The Cinematic Experience: Page 33
Lufia 1's Characters: Page 9
Lufia 1 and 2's Disparity: Page 9
Lufia: Curse of the Sinistrals: Pages 34 + 35
Lunar 1's Alex and Luna Romance: Page 41
Lunar: Dragon Song's Characters: Page 42
Lunar: Dragon Song's Gameplay: Page 42
The Lunar Series's Goddess Althena: 43
The Magic of Scheherazade: Page 36
Mark Leung: Revenge of the b***h: Page 34
Mass Effect 1's Downloadable Content: Page 33
Mass Effect 1's Saren: A Better Villain Before the Book "Revelation": Page 31
Mass Effect 1's Sex Scene's Inequality: Page 26
Mass Effect 2's Downloadable Content: Page 35
Mass Effect 2's Loss of Atmosphere: Page 35
Mass Effect 3's Add-Ons: Page 38
Mass Effect 3's Diana Allers: Page 38
Mass Effect 3's Ending: Page 37
Mass Effect 3's Ending 2: Page 38
Mass Effect Series AMV: Go Back to Sleep: Page 40
The Mass Effect Series's Shepard's Gender: Page 37
The Mother Series's Auto-Kills: Page 38
Okage: Shadow King's Humor: Page 25
Phantasy Star 1: Page 36
Phantasy Star 3: Page 1
Pokemon Generation 5: Why I was Disappointed with It: Page 37
The Pokemon Series's Gym Hazards: Page 37
Poll Results: Page 1
Sailor Moon: Another Story's Epic Foundations: Page 29
Sakura Wars 5's Ratchet Altair Sure Does Get the Shaft: Page 37
Secret of Mana's Cover Art: Page 37
Seiken Densetsu 3's Characters: Page 14
Shadow Hearts 1's Doll House: Page 32
Shadow Hearts 1 and 2 AMV: As the Warlock Said: Page 30
Shadow Hearts 3's Characters: Page 21
Shin Megami Tensei 1 and 2: Christianity Done Well: Page 18
Shin Megami Tensei 3's Isamu's Folly Theory: Page 27
Shin Megami Tensei 3's Overall Theme Theory: Page 40
Shin Megami Tensei 4's Downloadable Content: Page 42
Shin Megami Tensei 4's Fiend Hunting: Page 43
Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner Raidou Kuzunoha 2's Superiority to its Predecessor: Page 41
Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor 2's Equality Ending's Supposed Flaw: Page 41
Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor 2's Trumpeter Scene: Page 42
Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor 2's Yamato's Folly: Page 41
Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga 1 + 2 AMV: Sera's Holding Out for a Hero: Page 31
Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3 and 4 Social Link Comparison: Page 41
Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3's AI-Controlled Party Members: Page 41
Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3's The Answer's Worth: Page 40
Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 4's Chie's New Voice Actress: Page 43
The Shin Megami Tensei Series's Monster Fusion: Page 32
The Shin Megami Tensei Series's Recent Neutral Figureheads: Page 42
The Shin Megami Tensei Series's Spell Names: Page 42
Skies of Arcadia Legends's City of Valua: Page 2
Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood: Page 39
Star Ocean 2's Characters: Page 3
Star Ocean 3's Map Completion: Page 42
Star Ocean 3's Plot's Worth: Page 17
Star Ocean 3's Treasure Chests: Page 12
Startropics 1's Ending's Worth: Page 26
Startropics 1's Password: Page 33
Suikoden 4: Page 23
Suikoden Tierkreis's Bad Reputation: Page 32
The Suikoden Series's Casts: Page 39
Tales of Phantasia's Characters: Page 10
Tales of Symphonia's Characters: Page 26
Tales of the Abyss's Ion: The Damsel in Distress Who's a Boy: Page 31
The Tales of Series's Skits: Page 34
Terranigma's Theme of Advancement: Page 33
Vandal Hearts 1's Ugly Mugs: Page 5
Wild Arms 2's Antenora: A Lovesick Villainess Worthy of Note: Page 25
Wild Arms 2's Kanon's Abilities: Page 35
Wild Arms 3 is the First and Last Real Wild Arms: Page 4
Wild Arms 3's Virginia: The Male Protagonist Who's A Girl: Page 22
Wild Arms 4: Page 16
Wild Arms 5's Characters: Page 29
The Wild Arms Series's Female Characters' Superiority: Page 26
The Wizard of Oz: Beyond the Yellow Brick Road's Controls: Page 40
Xenogears's Characters: Page 13
Xenosaga 2's Space Motorcycle: Page 1
Xenosaga 3 Mini Rants 1: Page 40
Xenosaga 3 Mini Rants 2: Page 41
Xenosaga 3's Boss Fights: Page 39
Xenosaga 3's Finale: Page 42
Xenosaga 3's Kevin: Page 41
Xenosaga 3's MOMO's Last Line of Dialogue: Page 39
Xenosaga 3's Omega Res Novae Demonstration: Page 40
Xenosaga 3's Scientia: Page 40
The Xenosaga Series's Allen and Shion Romance: Page 39
The Xenosaga Series's Failed Potential: Page 43

Phantasy Star 3

So, I have been playing the Phantasy Star series lately, thanks to my friend Anga, who rocks. I was very impressed with the first game's extremely novel basis and plot (I mean, considering how old-school it is...Alis is probably like the first woman protagonist in an RPG ever, and even now she STILL doesn't have much canonical company beyond Terra, Celes, Yuna, Virginia, and Marona). The second game had its moments (I am prone these days to randomly IMing Anga just to scream "NEIIIIIIIII!"). And the fourth one was really great. PSO I have yet to try, and I probably won't be interested in doing so for a while (Grandia 3, FF12, KH2, KotOR3, the new Zelda, and Xenosaga 3 all RPGs on the horizon, after all). So now I'm playing through Phantasy Star 3. I'm not close to finished yet, so I might be totally wrong on some things here, but...I don't think so, really. So anyways, yes, I'm playing Phantasy Star 3 now.

And I'm in What The Hell status. Like, this particular mode of What The Hell is almost as strong as the one I got while watching The Batman for one episode. This is possibly like the What The Hell that Stalin experienced when Hitler used their treaty as toilet paper.

This game sucks. Like, it sucks. It's not just a bad RPG. FF Mystic Quest is a bad RPG. Chrono Cross was a bad RPG. This is on the level of Final Fantasy 5. This game is on the level of Quest 64. This game is trying--failing, of course, for nothing can succeed, but trying--to compete with 7th Saga.

The graphics are awful. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I really don't care about graphics in an RPG. That's just retarded. But these are just shocking. They look less refined than the first game's, and that was on the ******** MASTER SYSTEM.

The music...no. I won't call it that. This does not qualify as music. This game's tracks are random sounds being strung together with all the fluidity and skill of a 4-year-old making a popcorn garland out of stale popcorn which he has already carefully chewed. This game cannot be played with the sound on. That is just how it is.

The battle system is pretty bad, although easily the least horrible thing about it. It's badly put together and boring. But for the first time in RPG history, it is badly constructed in the PLAYER'S favor. Levels are gained reasonably quickly, and you can reasonably easily get away with using inferior equipment for a good while before upgrading at a shop several towns down the line, which means the issue of money is not as big a problem as the stingy monsters would try to make it. But it's still boring and stupid. And fugly as anything. Not to mention that the backgrounds sometimes seem to move in physically unsound ways which kinda hurts my eyes if I pay attention to them.

Now, the important stuff in an RPG: Plot and characters. I really can't adequately describe how nonsensical the nearly nonexistant plot is. So instead I will describe a scene from the first 5 minutes of the game. Spoilers, I guess, though not really since it's part of the opening scene: You, the prince Rhys, are about to marry some girl you found on a beach or something. She doesn't know who the hell she is, and you don't seem to care. So, in the throne room of a castle which, incidentally, doesn't believe in having doors to cover the gaping holes in the wall that you use to walk in and out of it, you're all set to get married, when a demon flies in, tells you in the name of Laya that you can't marry her, and makes off with your would-be bride-to-be. Naturally, you are pissed, and vow to get her back by making war with the Layans for her. The king, who is your father, tells you no, because war is bad, so you switch tactics and say that you don't care and you'll go find her anyway, implying that it's okay if the military doesn't back you up.

Your father has you, heir to his throne and prince of the country, thrown in the dungeon. Which, incidentally, is where he keeps treasure chests containing 100 meseta (currency), and a knife.

I think that pretty accurately shows the brilliance of the story's writing.

The game is not TOTALLY off, I should note. I mean, I kinda enjoy having Wren in the party, even if he's not actually the same Wren from PS4, even if he looks just like him and has the same name and is an android. And I DO like the idea of the story taking place over multiple generations, like with Dragon Quest 5 or Fire Emblem 4. I'm in control of Rhys's son now (who, incidentally, looks so much cooler than Rhys that I'm almost shocked that he's in this game), which is kinda neat, or it would be if things weren't continuing to suck so terribly.

But anyways, back to my main point. And that, I think, was that I am a stupid masochist sometimes when it comes to finishing RPGs.




Xenosaga 2's Space Motorcycle

The Xenosaga series is good, but I understand it's not perfect. Certain characters are annoying, there are quite a few points where the plot seems to get confused by itself or just get kind of stupidly random (living up to its predecessor, Xenogears, quite well). And the second in the series had a flashback to sum up a month's worth of plot in a couple scenes and 5 minutes of dialogue (again, flashbacks to ******** that goddamn chair). But overall I like it, and overall, I can accept or at least forgive most of its occasional badly-contrived plot twists.

(SPOILERS START NOW. MANDATORY LOL)

But that one scene with the space motorcycle I really, really hate.

I mean, for starters, it's a ******** motorcycle. In space. Now I know that you can make nonsensical combinations of cool things that become Cool x 10 when combined. It's an internet standard, and usually involves Russian Communists. But it does not always work. And this is one place where it does not. It is just mind-bogglingly stupid. I am no fan of Xenogears by any stretch of imagination, but I readily admit that none of its many outright ridiculous plot devices and twists even compare to this. KOSMOS's space bike is just a monument to idiocy, a shining, reeking statue carved from mistaken originality, radiantly glimmering in its message of "It Seemed Like A Good Idea When I Was Writing The Script Last Night After The Bartender Told Me I'd Had Enough," and "I Liked The Part In The Movie Where Utena Turned Into A Car."

But it's not the sheer stupidity that really gets me about it. I've suffered almost as badly contrived ideas in FF8 and Chrono Cross and not developed a sheer hatred for either game (dislike, yes, but not hatred). It's the fact that it destroys what could have easily been the most deep and touching moment in the entire game. Shion's gotten herself in trouble half a galaxy away, is desperately calling for someone to help her. Back at the HQ, countless miles away, KOSMOS suddenly turns on, and states that Shion needs her. This intense, inspiring devotion she feels is enough that she can hear it and answer its call from across the universe, even when she's disassembled to the point that she shouldn't even be capable of activation. Shion needs her, and she'll find a way to protect her even if it means breaking possibility. It's a loyalty and determination that is, as I noted before, inspiring.

And it was completely wiped from my mind for months because to go rescue Shion, KOSMOS conjures up, from the deep recesses of Plot Needs It, a motorcycle. For SPACE. It is so laughably retarded that I didn't even remember how good the scene was up to that point for months.

This rant brought to you by my friend CyberlogicX, whose showing me a recent toy of Darth Vader riding a motorcycle (which is possibly even MORE stupid than KOSMOS doing it) reminded me of this scene.

...

Okay, so maybe it's just me, but I don't think that 7th Saga was all that bad a game. I mean, it isn't a sterling example of what an SNES game should be, but it wasn't down on the level of a Drakkhen or Paladin's Quest. I rather liked some of the ideas they implemented, like the ability to choose your character and travelling companion (and the random chance involved in who will join you), and the resulting field of opponents that opens up among the other apprentices. Of course, a better story and some actual personality to the characters would've been nice...



I'm throwing in with the box on this one.

Chrono Cross is to Chrono Trigger as...

...Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty is to Metal Gear Solid.
...Rocky 5 is to Rocky.
...Final Fantasy X-2 is to Final Fantasy IV.
...Godzilla (American version from '98 ) is to Godzilla (Japanese version from '54).
...Zelda 2: The Adventure of Link is to The Legend of Zelda (Adventure of Link gets points for the ability to turn Link into a fairy, though).

Chrono Cross was joyless, soulless tripe made soley to cash in on the Chrono name. The characters had no personality, the plot was a pointless and silly tack-on to the first game, and the entire thing was a depressing mess standing in complete contrast to the happy and bright feel of Chrono Trigger.

So...

One could say that I'm not a fan.

Chrono Trigger's plot had holes everywhere. Actually I dare to say its storyline was a hole with a few plots lost in it. It's the kind of catastrophe that happens when you involve time travel in a storyline. Chrono Cross fixed it for the most part. While I do agree the characters in Chrono Cross didnt have that much personality, in CT they all lose theirs after a certain event where they are protagonists. Frog after the fight with Magus becomes just another spanker in the party until some side-quest, Robo too, Ayla after Lavos appearance in her Pre-Historic era and so on. If we are talking about minor quests involving the character= personality, then CC had its own as well. Harle was an elaborated character who had participation from the beginning until the end, same goes to Kid. Same goes to Lynx (unlike Magus, who becomes just another "Member of the Hero party" after the events in Zeal). CT was entertaining, yes, but that's due to the battle system, fast combats and the sprites's style. CC was much more of a serious game, and they failed to entertain when they put that horrible battle song. People overrate "classic games" as if they were some kind of untouchable MonaLisa. Your comparisons just prove it. FFIV? I havent played FFX-2, and from what I read, I dont like it. But please, FFIV is just... lol'able. Such a simplist silly adventure where the world revolves around the hero's paces rolleyes It's not an horrible game, but cant say it's a piece of art. It's just... the typical game of its time. Oh and I prefered Rocky V over Rocky X) But Godzilla.... meh, to me both sucked. But movies like Godzilla sure are more entertaining with lots of special effects. Tell me what's the "amazing plot" with a giant lizard crushing cities ~.~

Anyways, about PS3.
PSIV was in fact my first electronic RPG and I loved it. However, as many times as I tried to play PS3, I just couldnt. The game couldnt keep me, the graphics actually fell in quality from the PS2 to PS3, the sound is terrible, the battle song is actually worse than CC's. The good point is just the fact it has multiple endings and it shows many generations of characters, where your decisions on the first will affect the second and so on. That's a big plus. But yeah things like the example from the start of the game and a BUG so obvious and they didnt even fix it (Hint: Start the game, sell your equipments at some NPC store, buy an Escapipe, proceed until you are thrown in the dungeon, then use it and go talk to the king).
Somehow though, I got hooked on the game. I still wonder how. But then I started playing MMOs and dropped it before ending lol

I love CC as an independant game, which is how I see it -- just another dimension, completely seperate from the original CT line. The world in CT which I loved so much, and everything that happened, is still intact and doing well. Meanwhile, CC takes place in a seperate dimension, where things went astray. Even going by CC's standards, that is possible.

Though most of the characters were pretty much just filler space, that didn't make all of them suck. I loved Karsh, and Norris, and Korcha (really!), and Nikki, and Kid, and even more. Not all of the characters were as useless as Poshul. The game had vibrant landscapes and settings, one of the best video game soundtracks ever, and was just overall a very appealing game.

Really, I was able to appreciate it ten times more after my first time through, when I wasn't sitting there compairing it to Chrono Trigger or thinking of it as a sequel.

Also, the Millenial Fair scene still makes me cry. =(

It wasn't that I couldn't play as Crono and the gang, or that it didn't have closer ties... It was the fact that it took EVERYTHING you worked for in CT and ******** it over completely.

THANKS A LOT, SERGE.

In my oppinion, I think that the designers are trying to "Take strategy RPGs to the next level", so to speak. If you, and I know you have Ess, have ever played or have seen Atlus's other strategy RPGs you might see my point. Personnaly, out of the most recent Atlus created strategy RPGs, I've noticed that they've been trying to make their games so omfgout'f'ingrageous it's beyond beliefe. I've honestly only played Disgaea(excluding the fact that I do indeed have Phantom Brave but I really don't have the time to get into those kind of games at this time.) and it is such an outragiously stupid levelwhore game. Just by the fact that they have such an extremely hard weapon to get is actually really all they need to put an impression on you. Hell, maybe some kid will keep playing that game so much that they actually do get that divine sword but in the end you have to realize that the company knows that that same kid will possibly tell people about this weapon and then maybe they'll go out and buy a copy of the game themselves to try it. It may not be right or wrong but in the end they will have the satisfaction of knowing that now they have sold two copies of their game rather than one. I am not, however, saying that they do not care about their fans or that they do it just to be asses but rather that money comes first. It sucks but, then again, some people may look at it and say that it's a good thing because without that company intakeing others money, they wouldn't be making new games.

Final Fantasy 8's Characters

If you're gonna ridicule stuff in RPGs, sooner or later you've got to to cover FF8, I think. Whether you like the game or not, you can't really deny that there's plenty there to poke fun at. So today, I'm gonna cover why its cast is the most idiotic ensemble in all RPG-dom, as long as you don't count Star Ocean 2 or FF5 or FFMQ or Phantasy Star 3 or FF10-2 or the Dragon Ball Z RPG or...well, okay, so it's not even close to the MOST idiotic. But it's got a lot of special moments.

Squall: Basically, Square wanted to create a badass protagonist who wasn't a nice guy even while he did nice things. To this purpose, they decided that the only way to do this was to create a character whose apathy towards people who care for him and whose general irritation at life itself is so great that he alienates any player not immediately swooning over his bishy-dishy profile. To fix this problem, halfway through the game they have him immediately, no warning whatever, fall completely and totally for a girl who up until that very second annoyed the piss out of him. It's the ultimate high school romance story.

Of course he still acts like an a*****e to all his other friends, except when he needs their help to go rescue the dumb bimbo again (the frequency of her need to be rescued, of course, DOES mean that his illusion of niceness is maintained with remarkable consistency).

Rinoa: "Look look Squall look at me Squall look Squall look at me I'm doing something hey Squall look look Squall did you see me do that Squall?"

Angelo: This dog is the most powerful warrior in the world, thanks to battle tips it gets straight from a pet magazine.

Quistis: Quistis is kind of unique, actually, in that after losing Squall to Rinoa (no big loss there), she doesn't mope and moan or find a replacement immediately, but rather just takes the loss in stride, realizes her feelings weren't romantic love anyway, and continue to be her own character.

Of course, since that kind of originality isn't easy to write, Square has her shut up for the most part after 1/4th of the game is through.

Selphie: Selphie is character evolution in action. Square started with the energetic, cheerful, not incredibly bright Yuffie in FF7. Then, they removed half her brain mass and replaced what they had taken with glitter and sugar to create Selphie. The next step after her will be to remove half of what brain mass remains and replace it with Lisa Frank stationary to create Rikku, then later take out the last bits of brain and replace them with a Britney Spears album to create FF10-2 Rikku.

Irvine: He's a cowboy sniper playboy who can't actually shoot his target. The sad thing is that this all adds up to one of the more interesting characters in all this.

Edea: People sometimes wonder why Edea is married to videogaming's very own Robin Williams, Cid Kramer. The answer seems simple enough to me once you look at what she wears. She's obviously into the whole dominatrix thing. And who in that game could POSSIBLY be a more attractive husband for her than the Grand Master at grovelling, Cid? I mean, the man can rebelliously grovel. That takes talent.

Seifer: "WAAAAAAH I'M BETTER THEN U AND WAAAAAAH U GUYS JUST SUX TOO MUCH TO SEE IT WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH I'LL SHOW U SOMEDAY HOW MUCH COOLER THAN I AM THAN EVERYONE ELSE PLEASE GIVE ME A HUG MOMMY PLEASE WAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Zell: Frankly, I'm of the opinion that there cannot be too many jokes about his obsession with putting long, tubular meat in his mouth. I mean, usually, jokes like that are overdone, but half his dialogue in the entire game seems to revolve around wanting hot dogs, and in the ending, he's stuffing them in with a gusto that I don't think even Art could keep up with.

Laguna: What the hell is a deep and interesting character doing here?

Kiros: Also known as Lando.

Ward: If Ward could talk, he'd say he needs more characterization than interpretive blinking.

Ultimecia: "Today's Sesame Street has been brought to you by the letter k."