I'm here to talk about a very serious problem. This may not be a popular topic, but I cannot let this go unsaid any more. Even if you don't agree with me, I would love to hear your viewpoint. This is something that affects any lolita who has ever reached out into the Internet for support, information, or simply to make new friends.
We have been given a wonderful gift through the serendipity of our universe - the gift to communicate with and create a community with lolitas all over the world. From the main community, which is over 12,000 members strong, to all of the other offshoots in different websites, forums, and boards, we have been able to interact in a way not possible before. Sharing tips on clothing, organizing events, and swapping ideas and photos has been one of the best things that could ever have happened to the international lolita community. Girls who may not have ever been part of the lolita movement have had that opportunity all through the fantastical technology of our age. We were in the right time, in the right place, for everything to unfold.
But lately, this age is dying. I was motivated to write this piece when even one of my very best friends had had enough. She's an excellent lolita with so much to contribute, but finally, she has decided to leave that Dust Bowl town that is the large communities and simply be part of her own visions. And she's not the first. In the last two months, as the bad went from worse to worst, I have seen girl after girl turn away. They still love the style, the beauty, and in some cases, the lifestyle. They are probably some of the sweetest girls you will ever meet in both real life and online. But they are leaving. Slowly but steadily the beginning of a mass exodus is occurring. Why is that?
The reason most commonly cited is that they can no longer stand the oppressive atmosphere and harsh caste system that has been thrust upon the community. Examples? Projects to bully a particular girl off the Internet, real-life stalking. The constant need to keep up with the gangs lest you be their targets. Graffitied photos of girls too young to even drive, preferably splashed with Photoshopped blood and swastikas. The creation of a community made solely to tear down other lolitas without identity or proof.
Before you scream 'butthurt', it should be noted that these are not well-known members, let alone people who have been the object of harassment and nay-saying. These are ordinary girls who find the current behavior to be appalling.
After the Connecticon fashion show I had the opportunity to meet some very new lolitas. They were so full of fresh ideas, things never done before. I tried to be encouraging, but I knew that if they were ever to voice these ideas, they would be shot down. I didn't want to be the one to tell them that these things haven't been done because people refuse to let them be done. The treatment of scene lolita was a sample of this. Perhaps it was disliked for simply personal aesthetic reasons (and I am one of the girls who dislikes scene style, yes), but it seems to me more that this was denied on the basis of the 'rules'. A great deal of experimentation is rejected in general - walking the line of what is acceptable and what is not is really quite thin. And yes, that’s because there is a narrow band between what is lolita and what is not, but the borders don’t need to be nearly so well protected. The fence is not necessary.
These girls are so full of energy and enthusiasm and love for the style. Their first attempts may not be perfect, especially for experimentation, but that is how anything new begins. I fear that without the resources and support of the communities, there will not even be a new generation for them. The reason lolita needs so much study is that it really is a fairly complex formula to achieve the desired look. The early rules one learns, like ABCs, are the building blocks of the style. Without the alphabet, it would be nigh impossible to learn how to read. Just by looking at the photos, for someone who has never done it before, you’d never get all the nuances right, let alone take it to the beautiful new levels we have. The guidelines of the style, like lace quality and silhouette, are deeply important. But the restrictions on other things, like shoes, hair, tattoos, piercings, and style crossing are not. For the fashion to continue, it needs to evolve. The community needs to evolve.
Unfortunately, it is devolving.
In the early days there were no guidebooks and no moderation, and it was called ‘the Wild West’ days. But in the last ten years we have accelerated from the days of no order to too much, right into a version of Orwell's 1984 with bows. There are claims of vigilantism that are really no more than self-appointed police and mafia; there has been corruption within the system. Do not be fooled. Real vigilantism is attacked, not encouraged. The things people do not want said, those who voice differing opinions, are threatened into silence. I often see this reflected in the recent problems with scammers. Girls are afraid to leave negative feedback for fear of retaliation by that seller’s friends and personal posse. Then when the largest scam of all happens and the seller disappears, these previously wronged customers come out of the woodwork. Surprised? I’m not.
But I don’t speak just for the new generation. I speak for the ones before me, the ones who are also currently vanishing. They have been involved for a long time, given so much back. They are the writers of articles, the makers of guides, the people who carefully cataloged the much-sacred memories and long FAQs. They have staged revolutionary photoshoots. They have taught girls to sew so that even some of the poorest could afford a skirt. They have translated and scanned countless magazines. They have started trends and then revived the older ones. For every single lolita who has ever inspired another, I salute you. This is why I will continue to defend their legacy.
Then there are the girls in between, of which I was one for a very long time. They try to turn away from the ugliness and support only the valuable practices. They want to be above the pettiness, to turn the other cheek, to encourage those who have been hurt by the negative. They don’t want trouble, and they don’t want to even get into the mess. I understand that. I have tried to stay out of these things as much as possible. But the silence of the disapproving has only led to more of the same. Wrongdoing persists when good men do nothing. It is time to stop singing and start swinging.
I had the opportunity to attend the Baby the Stars Shine Bright opening in San Francisco. It was a homecoming and a pilgrimage in so many aspects. For the first, many styles of lolita were out in full force. Not just the perfect girls or the ones with those most power to wield, but all of them, with an equal opportunity to be seen. Everyone tried to look their absolute best, and the effort and love of the style was apparent in every face. I met girls with their hair full of butterflies; shy brolitas with tons of sweets jewelry, melting a soft spot in my heart; younger girls trying valiantly to make their own things; old school girls who looked like they had stepped out of the original inspirational Bibles, in stunningly elegant black and white coordinates; gorgeous kodonas and bonneted lolitas laced with roses. Everyone needed to be photographed, to draw inspiration from.
Not only was everyone beautiful, but I have never met a nicer group of people. Nobody sneered at Bodyline; nobody mentioned how your shoes didn’t quiet match, or that your hair was all flat. Nobody dissed sweets versus gothics, and nobody insisted that brand was a must. Nobody made sideways comments or even perpetuated gossip, which was taboo to spread in person. Everyone was all compliments, everyone was all chatting and welcoming smiles. You could walk up to a group of girls and suddenly be fast friends. Lolitas could be seen introducing themselves in line, examining each others accessories, and discussing the perfect way to achieve a curl. It was something I never wanted to end. This was real community. This is what we should be, even behind our computer screens and faceless replies. Encouraging, interested, fresh. A friend of mine who has been in the fashion for a very long time said that in the beginning, this is how it was. Before the shift towards our own undoing, we had had an unknowing Eden, as unassuming as children. Lolitas today are said to be catty and cruel by nature; even other subcultures consider us to be one of the most vicious to both others and our own kind. But once, this was not so. For that one weekend, it was not so. A denial of nature, or perhaps a denial of nurture?
If this is how the real world interacts, then why do things morph so quickly online? Do we become different people when we hit the switch? Are we, the technology natives of our generation, really so ignorant to believe that these little voices don’t exist outside of that glowing box? To say it doesn’t seem real to you is the refuge of the delusionist and the response of the anti-social. Now that we connect in ways never seen before – video, photos, podcast, email, instant messenger – can we really hide behind that outdated expression of, oh, it’s just the Internet?
Recently, two new websites have come into existence. The first is a new Livejournal community called ask_a_lolita. I was at first rather skeptical about the idea. Questions and discussions were for the main community, right? Wasn’t this a little redundant? I came back a few weeks later and to my surprise, the community was in full use. Girls were asking questions not only about lolita, but also about the unspoken rules between lolitas, how to behave in the hierarchy that the lolita community has set in place, and even such things as ‘can I do this, or will I face harassment and deep ridicule?’ One of the saddest questions was from a lolita who was afraid to let others know that she had had psychological issues in the past, as that has been attacked by a select group of lolitas. In short, the process has already begun. In order to escape the rigid rules of the regime we ourselves have put in place, our numbers are beginning to fail.
The second site that has come alive is The Ugly Duckling, a new blog written by Miss Rose. It has decided to discuss all of the nuances of our culture that we shy away from – the accusations of eating disorders, lolitas in real situations, shopping addictions, and many other darker things that can come as a result of our interactions. I am glad this has finally been brought to light. To touch on these is a very wide subject area – exploring not just us as a small group but finally our psychology as girls operating within the rules of the group. I’ve tried to do some of this in my more discussion-based articles, but I would highly encourage you to make a point of bookmarking The Ugly Duckling. These are things we should be discussing. We are supposedly intelligent women, with a post-modern outlook on life; many of us claim to be feminists, and at the least, certainly educated. So can we really sweep all of this under the rug?
At the Baby tea party, the header designer Uehara-san was asked what it was to be a good lolita and why she loved lolita fashion. She said what the first lolitas always believed: because it is fulfilling the dreams of girls who want to be princesses. To be a good lolita takes the drive to make yourself and the world a better place. The lolita is a girl trying to be a fairytale, to grow into what she had once thought were useless desires. For a long time, we have had the girls who deny this: It is just clothes, I can do anything I want; princesses are stupid. They criticize the girls looking for something more.
I also rewatched Kamikaze Girls at the opening, huddled on a down quilt in the cold San Francisco night. In the final scene, Ichiko confronts the gang. When did this turn to infighting, she wants to know. When did the freedom get replaced with the same rules of the society we chose to leave behind? Momoko may not be perfect, she claims, but at least she follows her own path.
This movie was made quite long ago, now. It has long been the induction movie for new lolitas – but how closely have you watched it? Watch it again. Think how Momoko and Ichiko relate to the modern lolita. Their interaction with the world – do they parallel the modern lolita as she makes her way through life? Momoko herself never actually interacts with another lolita per se – beyond the single shopgirl we see in the movie. I would venture to say that it’s because in her mind, there are no other lolitas – just herself and lolita for herself. I wonder how she would react to another lolita, especially one with differing opinions. Would she be an immediate comrade, or would it escalate into a turf war?
People who choose to say, ‘I have nothing in common with these other people besides my clothes – who cares what they think? I don’t have to be nice to them. They don’t mean anything to me.’ These people are on dangerous ground. It is not just what you decide to wear, but why you decide to wear it. Lolitas are so different from the mainstream, and so small a percentage, with such a sensitive interest. There is a sisterhood there; there is something we all yearn for that we try to taste with ruffles and bows and ribbons. You don’t have to be best friends; you don’t even have to like them, if you so choose. But it is like cannibalism to eat away at them. We are all looking for the same thing, carrying the same feeling inside. How can you deny that delicate emotion in the eyes of someone else, when you know it so well? If you don’t feel that bond, then maybe you are not in the right subculture. If you are doing this just to stand out, or just to get in on the drama, then maybe you aren’t what you say you are.
If you are in favor of something bigger than yourself, if you are in favor of creativity and growth; if you are in favor of girls who gain confidence instead of losing it; if you are in favor of beating the stereotypes of catty females who chip away at their own movement; if you are in favor of a sense of belonging. If you are in favor of lolita fashion and subculture: stop this before it is too late.
Stop this before the lolita…
Slips into extinction.
-Victoria Suzzane -
http://lolita-charm.blogspot.com/2009/08/endangered-species-lolita.html
This article was very inspiring so I thought I'd post it here...
please copy and paste... save the culture.
