Kissing on Enemy Territories [In need of critiquing]

[asdfghjkllove x o x o]

So, title says it all. I am entering a contest, and I need some heavy critiquing. I know that it's just two chapters, though I want to see if the tone and voice between the different characters is seen and blah, blah, blah.
Help me?

Note: I don't like posting on gaia, so I do apologize for the inconvenience. I don't feel that safe here.

Here's the link:
Kissing on Enemy Territory

Thank you.

On aside note:
If anyone has wattpad, please post it there and possibly vote and recommend me and my story.
If not, please post here smile

xxx Annabelle