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 Posted: Thu Jan 20, 2011 7:27 pm
A place for my prose and lyrics, here is the first one I am going to post
I am here,
‘Seeing’ you through the window,
Listening to the swirl of your hair.
What goes through your mind?
When you hear my name,
Lover, or friend?
Do you think of me,
At all?
Or am I merely a dusty shape in your memory,
Next to you?
Is it still snowing?
I cannot tell,
The world looks the same,
Always.
This room is so cold and empty.
All I can do is stare out the window,
Waiting
Will you visit me again?
I hope before that horrible day
I can say to you once
That I love you,
Just like I was hoping
Before the day I told you
That terrible news
Were they crocodile tears?
That day.
It was snowing
The clouds were crying,
For me?
Or for you?
I am waiting
For you,
To walk in so cheerful
And tell me it’s Valentine’s Day
But I don’t know if you’ll come
I don’t know if I will get
My chance to say those words to you
I know today is my last day
My only chance
Is it snowing?
I cannot tell.
It all looks the same
Through these eyes,
These useless eyes.
I cannot tell
If the footsteps are yours.
If my message reaches you
When I whisper with my last breath
Those words.
Yet I know
You will never arrive
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Posted: Thu Feb 03, 2011 4:27 pm
I liked the repetition of "Is it snowing?". It really fit.
However, I feel the poem was a bit...weak, for lack of a better word. It was too straightforward, I think, in most ways. I think it would work better if it were made a little more mysterious, a little more figurative, used a little more imagery and such.
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