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 Posted: Wed Jan 05, 2011 10:58 pm
I haven't even been on Gaia in over 2 years, but I really need advice and help from an LDS perspective, so I came here.
I'm a 21-year old college student. I used to go to BYU-I with the strict honor code that if you broke, you got kicked out of school. Now I go to a secular university, although one with a very high LDS population. I have 2 roommates, all private rooms, (that'll be 3, assuming somebody new shows up) and we're all LDS, so I think it's appropriate, if not expected for us to remind each other of our standards when we see inappropriate behavior from the other girls.
One of my roommates struggles with chastity a lot. She just turned 19, so she's very young, and she's very foolish as well. She's told me stories about things she's done that are very serious and need priesthood authority to help repent of. She's been engaged for a couple months to a guy she knew for about 10 days beforehand, and he gives me super bad vibes. Their first day hanging out they slept in the same bed. I know they've done other, more serious things, and she did see the bishop, but he didn't tell her not to go the temple or take the sacrament, and I know it's not my call, but based on what she told me, I can't believe that she could possibly be temple/sacrament worthy. I wonder how much she actually told Bishop.
Anyhoo, this guy of hers used to spend the night almost every night at our place, and one of my other roomies and I finally told her we were uncomfortable with it, so she stayed at his place instead. Now he's back in her bed, and I'm not sure what to tell her, or how to respond, especially since the roomie who was on my side last semester has since gotten married and moved away.
I feel like I'm supportive of her relationship, even though I get super bad vibes from it, and I know they consistently do things that are inappropriate for people who want to marry in the temple, and I wonder how much of it is my business as a friend and concerned roommate. How do I let her know how concerned I am about their conduct without being self-righteous or invasive?
Merci in advance for any feedback!
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Posted: Thu Jan 06, 2011 4:19 pm
Er, this is a pickle. =S
Have you talked to the bishop about it? It's okay to report the real extent of things about others. There was one time I swear I saw one of our deacons smoking and talking to the bishop was apparently the right choice. talk to him about it. He probably doesn't know the full extent of things so have him help you.
Personally, when a guy somehow managed to stay the night at my place (rare, and he was always on the couch), and I found him, I was purposely loud and annoying. I like reminding other guys there's another person in the building who won't tolerate any funny business. Maybe if you make it clear you don't approve, they'll at least keep it away from you.
And what's with that guy? I know we're known for whirlwind romances/marriages, but really, can't that guy keep his hands off of her long enough for them to get married? if he's finding any reason he can to get his hands on her, it's not love at all. That guy sounds fishy. Find out what you can about that guy. Maybe he's done something like that before. Check other stakes. There's some nuts down here who've nearly stalked people and were kicked out of wards for their actions.
That's all I can think of. Gather info, talk to your bishop, and make it clear how you feel about it. Still, I'm insensitive so figure out how to make it work with your friend too.
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