A shift of paradigm

This is our aniversary. I loved her for seven years now, never daring to ask her for the time, just watching her succeed from afar. We both go to the same college, in most of the same classes. We even know most of the same people. But I know I don't deserve her. I just watch from afar, as I always have.

Fortunitely for me, before she died, I told her my feelings for her. Well, at least they tell me I won't have the regret of not telling her. I have that to look forwards to. I never found anyone else to replace her because I don't look. I don't need to. Every morning, I get up early and feed the birds in the park, go to the graveyard and pay my respects, kiss her gravestone, and then go to college.

This year they tell me I'll graduate. I know they're wrong. Why? Because I know every question in the exams; I've memorized them. Every year I fail, and then live my eighteenth year at college all over again. Some people tell me it's bad to dwell in the past, and I suppose they're right, but being the loser who everyone likes has always appealed to me more than "Success."

I always was the loser. The funny thing is, everyone who I wanted to like me liked me. I suppose I'm the ultimate actor in that respect. The teachers all like me; I get my work done early and one hundred percent. The only thing is I get a zero on is the exams; they all think it's nerves or that I'm faking it on a dare, I suppose.

I've always been truthful; luckily they don't ask questions I have to lie to. I guess they all know why already. What is a summing up of myself...

I am a foolish genius living in my past for my future, missing the girl that I love. But I dream about her each night, and I know she loves me too. I'll see her again someday; in another life? In heaven? Who knows. I'm open minded about stuff like that, so whatever afterlife there is, I hope that she's there.