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PRE-K to 5: no friends... at all. everyone made fun of me. i was isolated in a classroom at my own desk... i was the smartest, never got in trouble, and was never praised by anyone... not even my parents.

6: mostly like k-5. no friends... at all other than 3 guys that played stupid superhero games with me. everyone made fun of me. only reason i wasnt isolated was because there were 30 other people in the classroom. each ignored me equally. i wasnt the smartest, but only because i was in some special TAG class that means nothing ever (except more homework, less life), never got in trouble, and was never praised by anyone... not even my parents... still. i had no life. invited to 1 party, never again after that. won 2nd place in science fair.

7: this is when life became even worse than a living hell. yes my period started. i met a guy that i really liked, and he asked me out. that year, he used me, and started a rumor that i was a witch. never kissed him, never held hands, never even hugged, so i dont count him as my first boyfriend. this never happened because i made a dumb promise to myself in second grade that the first guy i kissed would be this one guy, and if i kissed anyone before him... i would kill myself. i gained 2 friends, that still never talked to me. one of the guys i met in 6th grade stopped talking to me!i was an orphan in the play. some guy in the play became obsessed with me and asked me out 19 times! yes i counted... i said no all 19. about 5 weeks before the last day, someone in my class acctually started talking to me. the guy asked me out again like 3 weeks before school ended i stupidly said yes. that summer, the guy cheated on me, used me, lied to me and so, so many others.

8: life became even worse. i fell for that guy again. weighed in at 160. i was snow white in the play. the guy obsessed with me asked me out yet again, insisted on buying me stuff. tried to like.. molest my hand on the bus. his signature for me is still snow white (supposedly the most beautiful disney princess). during a dance, i gave him a chance. it lasted a week, then i broke up with him because i never saw him... at all. and i didnt see him as a boyfriend, but still a friend. that guy i made the promise about in 6th grade... yea remember him? well i got one of his friends to give me his number. i texted him and i told him abou tmy promise, and he said he wanted to stay pure till marriage. as in both kissing, and... well... other stuff... dindt want the other stuff... only my life to finally fall in place when he kissed me... well he didnt do it. i was on a plane the last day of school, and didnt get to accept my awards. that summer, the guy asked me ot over text, broke up with me the next day. didnt care much that time. i was over him anyways.

9: heres where it gets really interesting! sarcasm... but it is where my life finally starts to pull together. i was accepted into the IB program which means nothing other than a awesome near full ride scholarshop anywhere in the world, and more work from 2:30 to 10 every night. i dont want to be a doctor or lawyer that goes to yale, harvard, or some place in england, i just want to be an english major at a cheap college nearby. weighing in around 175. i finally made a few friends. fell in love with one of them nearly instantly... god hes amazing. so perfect for me, and nobody else likes him! so for homecoming i spent 2 weeks trying to ask him, and he said NO!!! so now he knows i like him, but wont do a darn thing about it! i swoon every time i see him. i give him hints, and all my new friends are trying to get him to ask me out but he wont... i found out that guy from 2nd grade had a girl friend. tore me apart with how he lied to me.

RECENTLY: only important days described.
DAY: i had 3 classes with the guy i like, then he showed up to my after school german club when he specifically said he WASNT COMING!!! we made gingerbread houses. his was a double decker, and it died along with its suicidal sourpatch kids. we are playing some dumb drawing game, and he looked up at me, and he was like 3 inches from my face. we had a little staring moment, lasted forever. right after he turned away and continued talking i realized i shouldve kissed him, but if i did... i have to be like the sourpatch kids, so i didnt.
NEXT DAY: in chorus i was given 2 solos for the winter concert. i was awarded 1st place in the science fair. a certain couple broke up. the male being the 2nd grade guy. best day of my life.
NEXT DAY:had another 3 classes with this guy. we had another "moment". he showed off his intellegence, stole a backpack from the guy next to me, and then i insulted him more than once cause he was pissing me off with how he was treating the guy next to me. conversation kindof went as follows. cant remember but it kindof did. my text is bigger BTW "that wasnt even remotely funny" "that was totally funny" "and you are so mean to him!" "no im not!" "yea you are. your mean and 'hilarious' whenever your not a smart-arse" but i acctually said the curse.

thats all the stuff that really sticks out. i could write more. but i dont feel like it...

in 8th grade, i was going to commit suicide before my best friend promised not to gauge her ears if i stayed alive. i have never thought about it again, because eargauging is NOT attractive... at all...

though this is just a rant, and you dont have to help... if you want to help... i guess i want to know how i can make this better. i cant change the past and gain more friends... maybe eat a little less, but i can change my future. i want to get this guy to ask me out... i want my little sister to stop being such a craphole and start respecing and listening to me. i get it form my parents and school, and i dont need it from her. i want to get my parents to stop trying to live their lives through me. i want to be me! i want to hear a good job out of my parents. ive only ever heard it out of someone i care about twice... i want people to listen to me, i want people to know im there too. i want a few people that will always be there for me, not a bunch of people who are taking pity on me... i want that 2nd grade guy to just kiss me, so i can finally kiss that 9th grade guy when the time is right (even if he wants me to kiss him or not)... i want thet 7th and 8th grade guy to finally figure out it over, and stop spreaking rumors about me... i want my life to move forward... i just need a little push...

thank you so much for reading. its good to just get this all off my chest. sorry it was so much. be aware, if you try to help, i may add more details and tell you about them after you do help, but dont get pissed... please... i dont need it right now...