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 Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2010 9:03 pm
 And these broken wings ... I guess I could write something. Get things off of my chest. It`s hard to write in a journal or whatever. My hands cramp up and I don`t thing that it`s worth it anymore. It is worth it.They make you taste so sweet.
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Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2010 9:10 pm
And these broken wings ... So, today I woke up to screaming. Angry screaming. It was my fault, I guess. My mom was yelling at my dad about something or other, but apparently we treat her so bad. I don`t even know. But she was crazy today, worse than usual. Oh well. It was 4 am then, I just went back to bed. I didn`t want to deal with it. That`s the thing with me, I run away from my problems. Just ask my sister. Anyway, I got ready as usual in the morning, and my sister took a long shower. We don`t have a lot of propane, so we`re not allowed to take showers as often as we used to, but she did anyway. When mom woke up to take us to the bus stop ( and no, we`re not spoiled. My sister got stalked by some creepy guy, so we get rides now. ) Mom didn`t talk. At all. Which is weird, because mom always talks. Always. She always has something to say. The bus finally pulled up, and I gratefully departed. This day was just too weird. I lost myself in music, on the iPod my boyfriend gave me. It`s just a shuffle,but I love it all the same. I broke my itouch, so I`m really thankful that he gave that to me. I love him. He keeps me sane.They make you taste so sweet.
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Posted: Sun Dec 19, 2010 1:43 pm
And these broken wings ... [ continuation ]
School was ... boring, I guess. I don`t really remember all the details. Well, Kari had an early day, so after mom picked me up, she went to pick Kari up at her bus stop. She was quiet the whole time, too, only muttering a few words to me. Which was really creepy. We picked Kari up, with her friend Rebbecca, who we gave a ride up to her house. I was really happy, and I was trying to lighten the mood in the car, since mom was so quiet. Things were awkward. So I said " OMG I`m so excited! I`m getting my hair dyed! I`m actually gonna do it! " Mom just smirked, and me and Kari were talking about it. Then, Rebbecca got out of the car, and mom was like, " No you`re not. " Everything went quiet. I was confused. " Kari used all the propane this morning. " We were kinda broke at the time, and we were only allowed to take one shower every other day. We had limited propane. Kari, however, since she goes to highschool, decided to take another shower, showering every day. We had gotten our hair cut the day before, and Kari said that she had hair all over her back, that`s why she took the shower. Mom turned some music on, and we were quiet for awhile. I just stared out the window. Mom turned the music off, and was yelling at Kari for awhile, calling her a princess, and saying how she hadn`t taken a shower in three days. I wasn`t that mad about it, but I was really disappointed. Kari had gotten her hair dyed like five times, and this would be the first time I actually got to dye mine. Sure, I`ve gotten it dyed before, but ugly neutral colors that my mom chose because lice was going around, and she didn`t want me to get it. I was going to dye my hair blue and bleach. We pulled into a gas station, and mom got out to ask for directions to a local FedEx place. Kari had a package coming for her, she was buying her boyfriend the game ' Go ' since he really wanted it, and she had to pick it up today or it would be shipped back, since there was trouble with shipping it out to our house. It takes a half an hour to get to town, so mom was going out of her way, as she put it. She said " I don`t think I`ve ever heard you say sorry. You could at least try to be a good sibling, if nothing else. " Kari said sorry, and proceeded to talk s**t about my mom while she was asking directions. Oh, joy. When mom got back in the car, she whaled on Kari the whole way to the FedEx place, which was really hard to find, since no one really knew where it was. It was like, on the outskirts of town. Then we went to Walmart, and mom asked Kari why she was so mad at her. That Kari had been being a big old b***h, so why was she mad? Kari said it was because we had to move, and mom wasn`t going to let her go to the same highschool. Mom said that Kari was being really selfish, and mom couldn`t base her decisions around us anymore. She said Kari really needed to take a good look around her, because it was hard for everyone. She used me as an example, which made me want to hurt her. She said I didn`t get my birthday, which would be the last big blowout before we moved, which I had never really thought about, until then. I wanted to cry, then. She also said that there was no chance of me still going to the same school, and at least Kari still had a sliver of hope. She said that I was finally in love, and I had to leave him behind. Which made me want to cry, too. She said that I wouldn`t get the chance to graduate with the class I knew, that I would have to graduate with people I didn`t know. She said I wouldn`t get the experiences that Kari did. Her and Kari had this whole emotional thing with eachother, and they both started crying. I wanted to cry, too, but I didn`t. Kari said that she was sorry, and now they are all made up. Now I`m alone. I have no one to talk to. But my boyfriend. How can I just up and leave him? I`m going to go crazy without him. He was my first love. My first kiss. I would be nothing without him. They know that. How can I leave him? I don`t want to be alone.They make you taste so sweet.
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