Welcome to Gaia! ::

It's been a while, everyone.

For the past year or so now, I've sort of been "talking" to this girl...
I told her that I liked her a bit more than a year ago, and from then things progressed little by little.

Eventually we were walking to a couple classes together and things. Over time we discussed dating and stuff.

And a few months or so ago, we finally shared a kiss. Things seemed to be going fairly well, and she'd told me that she wanted to ask me to be her girlfriend, but she was waiting for the right time.

So one day, a few weeks ago, she told me to get on aim. Then she said that she was having doubts about us. I was crushed. I began to think of what I would do if she ended things there. I mean, we weren't officially dating,but at that point all we needed was the "girlfriend" label, we were practically that already. I'd told her many times that I loved her.

But then a day or two later she IMed me again and we talked like it was all fine again, as though the conversation had never happened.

Sometime later, we were IMing again [I go to university and she still lives in the town my family lives in. I go home every weekend and would see her every once in a while] we agreed that I would spend some time with her during Thanksgiving break. Everything was good, I was planning on putting time aside to see her and spend time with her.

Then, last Saturday, she told me to get on aim again, cos she wanted to talk. So of course, I get on,thinking we're going to have our usual conversation about how our days were.

And she told me that she felt like she'd been treating me badly or whatever. She said that I needed to find someone else, because she's moving away for school in a few months, and that she might as well end it before it started...

So now I feel sort broken and lost and confused. I thought everything was fine. And then this is just dropped on me. And I'm okay I guess, I can live without being her girlfriend,and I guess I can move on, and I know it will take time, but I can't help but wonder what it was that moved her to this decision. I think of what I could have done wrong, and I wonder why she would bring me all this way, to lead me to believe that we would be together, only to end everything so abruptly.

I gave her so much of me,shared so much, and it feels as though she didn't really care that I gave her all that. I know that I would have fallen apart if she had done this in person, but I feel sort of worthless and cheap that she couldn't even bother to do it over the phone,but she broke it off via aim. I mean, I know I'm not great or extra special or anything, but I wish that I had been a bit more loved or something. It's stupid to want all that, I mean, I never felt worthy of her,but I still feel so stupid at the end of all of this.

And now she says that she still wants to be friends. And she texted my sister [we're all friends] and said that she was wondering if we could all hang this weekend [the weekend that just ended]. I don't understand how she could just expect me to up and go back to things as usual. I mean, I don't see how she doesn't realize what this would do to me, all the effort I put into it, all the hurt I've endured over the course of the past year.

I dunno what I'm asking for here, I guess I just needed to vent....

But any words you can give or any advice or anything would be appreciated.

I'm still forever single, it seems, cos I was even worthy of being called her girlfriend. I feel like such a loser.

i've actually broken up sorta somewhat the way she did with you. not over IM. actually, it was in person. at the mall. and awkwardly enough, she wound up needing a ride home and cried quietly in the back seat with me... but it was similar because it was really unexpected, as i had been pretty quiet about my insecurities in the relationship, so i understand where she's coming from. sometimes when you don't see your significant other, you feel like you aren't doing enough to keep the relationship together. then sometimes you feel like you should be doing more, but it's just not you to be doing more. and the fact that you were trying so hard to keep it all together probably just made her feel worse about (how she felt, not necessarily that she wasn't) not making the same effort you did. so maybe she just lost the self-esteem to be in the relationship and felt that you deserved better?

i'm not trying to defend her. honestly, though, it hurt me so bad to see that i had hurt my ex, but i knew (or at least thought) that i honestly wasn't good enough for her, so she probably just wanted to end it before you guys got far enough for her to do even more damage. she was trying to protect you from her. that means it wasn't your fault at all. you were being a wonderful girlfriend; it's just you were so good that she prolly idolized the way you were and felt like an unfair and selfish partner because of it.

in other words, you're not a loser; you're just too perfect.