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i just feel like i need to unwind a little. there's no real theme to this, i just gotta relieve some stress.

you guys have probably noticed that i haven't been on in a while. Like i guess I used to be a major contributor and now I post barely once a week. And it's pretty much cause I have no time for anything now.

I think I mentioned that I'm on the yearbook team. Basically I'm the Layout Editor so I make every single page in the yearbook. My team just double checks stuff for me, and fills stuff out after I finish the layout, if I'm too busy. But my best friend is the chief and I'm not gonna say I share the job with her, cause that's totally untrue, but she unloads on me from time to time, and since I'm always with her I know all the inner machinations of yearbook. Honestly sometimes it feels like it's just us two running this stint.

Now I stay after school at least twice a week, sometimes every single day, and I don't get home till 2, 3, sometimes 4 hours later.

And university applications are coming up. I haven't even looked at the site I'm supposed to send my apps through, I've just been that busy. My marks are gayed up. I know I can get into the program no problem, but I need at least 92 for the minimum scholarship of like $2000, and I feel obligated to shoot for that instead of coasting through. Right now I'm sitting at a 91.2, if you count my graphic arts mark which is currently 100.

Just a little worrisome Since I KNOW I can do better, and I KNOW i deserve higher, Just my bio teacher pretty much hates ex-AP kids.

I'm also on my city's teen arts council as a visual arts coordinator, and we meet twice a week. Minor job, but it still takes a lot of energy out of me.

At school I'm taking a full course load. All of my friends have at least one spare. I'm taking writer's craft, visual arts and graphic arts. They're fun for me, but the work load is so intense. Deadlines are everything and I feel like I'm slowly running down on fuel.

The last yearbook deadline is March break, but March break is when I start hardcore prepping for Classics Conference with my best friend who is the other creative head. That's a full school display, skit, and fashion show that we have to coordinate, plus we decided to do a clean sweep of creatives this year, meaning between the two of us we'll be doing two drawings, two paintings, at least one large model, jewelry, a sculpture or two, and some other miscellaneous things. We have two months to do that. My AP Calc exam is the week before Conference.


I'm a lot happier in general though. I've gotten a tighter group of friends. There are 8 of us, including me, but we are all so tight and stuff. The problem is, I've been spending so much money on presents. It's kind of a minor deal, but I also haven't had time to catch up on rl commissions, and I don't wanna have to dip into my bank acct more than I have.

I also might be on prom committee. The chair pretty much begged me & my best friend to be on. She declined cause she's already editor in chief of yearbook, but I realized that I pretty much have to be on or else it could turn out awful. The "artsy" kids @ my school have no taste or eye for class, the most creative & spirited kids @ my school are fail artists. But maybe I'm being too egotistical. idk I just felt obliged. If you can't have me than you get my best friend, and vice versa. We're like everywhere.


I've had to put my personal projects entirely on hold while I deal with life, which is upsetting to say the least.




The thing is, I'm kind of expecting to have a mental breakdown soon. And it's kind of worrying me cause I'm still pretty relaxed, but I know it's just cause I'm such a hardass. I don't mean it like I'm bragging or whatever. I feel like when I finally do breakdown, if I do, it'll be really intense just cause I bottle s**t up so bad. Like the two threads I made about that guy, I just let my guard down for like a second and that happened. So really everything is shut up pretty much 24/7 but idk how much longer I can keep hiding my problems away from myself.Sometimes i just feel in over my head but I keep wading cause that's all I can do.

It sounds like you living and being able to do this s**t right now is an accomplishment and if you just keep telling yourself that, you can make it.
I wouldn't join anything else though, cus then it will be too much and then you really will explode. Just accept what you have now, and try your hardest.
I have a ballet teacher, he talks about "recycling energy" he says if you just keep trying hard on the small stuff, your body will be able to go longer.
So if you focus on each part of work separatly and don't think of the over all workload you have and just keep trying on each thing, you should be able to make it without a meltdown. ^_^
hope this helps.

This goes against everybody else, but if you have time for Prom Committee, I say go for it.

It's just one of those things that you're proud of yourself for contributing to afterward. Just to say that you did it and you were a part of it, especially since it's your night.
Plus the bragging rights and power that come with it.

haha truesay xD

my friend & i worked out a deal with the chief. we're like "freelance" helpers. if there's something specific she wants to do with backdrop, we'll help. we don't go to meetings but we get the minutes, so technically we're in prom committee xD

@smile
thanks for the advice :'D
i'm trying but there are only so many hours in a day xD