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 Posted: Mon Nov 08, 2010 9:49 pm
So, this is about my experience with my very first boyfriend, and the aftermath of that terrible mistake. Please, think before replying and post something serious that could help me.
So, we met when I was 16 at a church I was attending (I know, ironic). We hit it off and everything went well. Soon after, we started dating and everything was perfect. After about three months, though, I found out he'd been cheating on me. He did it twice, and I found out about both times later than I'd wished to find out. That devastated me. I mean, my first (and only since that time) boyfriend cheated on me...twice. What the hell happened that I wasn't worth it anymore?
This led to another issue. I...I think I'm unable to have sex now because of what he did to me three years ago. I believe that him cheating has psychologically damaged me in a way that I'm afraid and too worried to say yes to anybody...I went on a date with a really amazing guy on Wednesday, and my body wanted nothing more than for him to be the first to experience all I had to offer. No matter what, though, I couldn't go ahead and tell him yes, tell him that I wanted it. What is wrong with me?
No TL;DR for you, I really need to hear from you after you read the whole thing.
EDIT: This was written when I was half lucid. If it doesn't make too much sense, forgive me.
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Posted: Tue Nov 09, 2010 9:45 am
Nothing is 'wrong' with you. You were scarred mentally by the fact that he cheated.
When you found he cheated the first time, you may have been hurt, but willing to forgive him. But finding out he did it twice probably put a barrier in your mind about sex. Maybe what you subconsciously thought was that since he cheated, that sex had an immediate connotation of 'bad'. It's understandable. As I said before, nothing is wrong with you. Essentially, what you're thinking(and this is just a guess; I'm attempting to look at it from a psychological standpoint), is if you have sex with anyone now, that they'll end up cheating as well, and you'll just be hurt again in the end. That one boyfriend put this kind of trust issues in you.
The best thing I can think of is to essentially, tell this new guy the whole story, and see what he says. If he's a truly good guy, he'll understand you wanna wait a bit. When you find that you can trust him fully not to cheat, and when you think you're ready, tell him. Because if he's a good guy, he won't be in it for sex. He'll wait for you as long as it needs.
I hope I helped. If you need more advice, feel free to PM me.
Kansha Shimasu, Mekagami Haru
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Posted: Tue Nov 09, 2010 9:57 am
Thank you, so much. That really helped. If I need anything, I'll definitely take you up on that and PM you.
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Posted: Tue Nov 09, 2010 10:24 am
No problem. I'm just glad I was able to help. Make sure you keep me updated on how things are going. smile
I'm Haru, or Muse. You can call me either.
Kansha Shimasu, Mekagami Haru
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Posted: Tue Nov 09, 2010 10:28 am
I'll definitely keep you updated, Haru. smile I appreciate your concern.
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