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 Posted: Fri Oct 22, 2010 11:51 pm
Hey guys...I know I haven't been here in ages. I exiled myself from the guild after I said some stupid s**t in one of the threads and felt really pissed off with myself. But I have something that I need to post somewhere. I'm raging against myself.
Are you all aware of the "Wear Purple Day" we had a few days ago in remembrance of the 6 gay teens who committed suicide? Well we had that here, and when I heard about it, all of my friends protested it. We're all victims of bullying, and some of us, including myself, contemplated suicide when we were bullied. No gay person ever stood up for me, or thought about me when I was being harassed every day. Why should I care about them?
So I wore black on grey to my university classes, like nothing had changed. I hung out in the halls all day like I usually do, playing cards with my friends and scouting for all the people who actually wore purple. I counted five. There were less people wearing purple than there were gay people in the school. I laughed and figured everyone was thinking the same way I was: gay people never did anything for us.
Tonight my younger brother came out of the closet. He confessed he was gay. Among the first things going through my head, this was one of them. All through grade school, when I was being pushed around, beat up and demoralized everyday, my brother was there for me every day. We'd sit around and play video games together talking about school until mom caught us and made us do our homework. The only person who was EVER there for me....is gay.
I feel like the biggest douche in the world right now. He urged everyone to wear purple last wednesday, and I never did. He was there for me every day that he needed me, and I didn't support him on his day, the day that gays who paid the price for ignorance are remembered. I was ignorant on his day.
I have an unbearable guilt right now. I swear I'm going to go to every rally with him, every parade, every awareness thing with him and be at his side to make up for this. I'm just so sorry for myself...
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Posted: Sat Oct 23, 2010 7:20 pm
Sorry you felt mad and didn't come back until now...I am glad that you are back tho.
Okay first off, I didn't wear purple either. I believe you don't need to wear a shirt or a certain color or whatever to stand up against something. Just do it no matter what.
As for feeling like an a**, I can understand why you would but I am pretty sure your brother wouldn't hold that against you. Just let it go. Forgive yourself and move on and in the future, just be aware of thinking like this in the future. You can always prevent a mistake by being more open minded.
Everyone is bullied and picked on no matter what you look like or who you are. It will always be that way but you can be one less person who causes others to feel that way.
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