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Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2010 10:18 am
Just going to post a few things, since I've found some time to be kind of active on here.
Boom
“Ronnie! Ronnie!” The shriek came tearing through the café door, followed by a rotund, brunette woman. Behind her spherical figure, the blare of horns and the angry bustle of the city clattered in.
She rushed to a thin man who was intently concentrating on the newspaper’s Tuesday crossword. He didn’t even notice the wheezing woman as she flopped down across from him. Or maybe he just didn’t care. After an intensive game of staving off hyperventilation, the woman leaned closer to Ronnie, her eyes wide and face still flushed. Every move she made, every gasp she drew in, the excessive jewelry she wore jingled and jangled. As if it were possible the man hadn’t heard her before, the woman gasped loudly, “Ronnie!”
The man sighed, placed his pen down on the table, and finally acknowledged his companion’s presence. It was difficult to ignore the scent of sweat and ten pounds of cosmetics, even when it wasn’t marinated in a knock-off brand of Chanel. Ronnie preferred the subtle scent of roasted coffee beans, but he knew Gert wasn’t going to simply slink away. Raising his brown eyes to her perspiring face, Ronnie grunted, “What, Gert?”
With the spotlight finally on her, Gert exclaimed, “The nukes‘re goin‘ off! They’re sayin‘ on th’ news that we’re gonna die, Ronnie! One nation declared it on another an’ now th’world‘s gonna fry!”
As Gert spoke and spattered, Ronnie removed his glasses and wiped the lenses off with the end of his grey scarf. Her expansive bosom was still rising and falling from the strenuous run, straining the two-sizes-too-small top she was squeezed into. Or maybe she was just trying to draw his eyes to them with her heaving.
Somewhere outside, a gunshot rang out, cuing a chorus of muffled shrieks and the tinkle of breaking glass. Neither Ronnie or Gert turned to see a stampede of people rush by the café’s storefront window. When nothing else shot from Gert‘s lips, Ronnie threw her an annoyed glare. The brunette pressed her lips tightly together, tensing as she realized Ronnie was neither shocked nor saddened, “Really, Gert, you interrupted my crossword for that rubbish?”
Gert’s mouth dropped open, a squeal out just as Ronnie turned his attention back to the newsprint before him, “How can ya brush it off? Everyone’s gunna die, Ronnie!”
“It’s just a bunch of bullshit, Gert. Ignore it.“ The woman’s lips quivered when Ronnie didn’t bother to take his eyes from his daily puzzle.
Gert’s chins wobbled as she sputtered, “Wh-what if it ain’t a lie, Ronnie? What if it’s true? Don’t ya‘ care if ya’ ma or dad or Sissy die?”
“The government is just trying to scare us into a war that we don’t need, Gert.” Ronnie shot the woman a look over the rim of his glasses, “Seriously, woman, read something other than your dang tabloids.”
She snuffled loudly, running her shabby, lime-colored cardigan‘s sleeve beneath her nose. Gert worried her lip, staining her cigarette yellow teeth with Coral #3 lipstick, as she stared at Ronnie. A need to make him understand swelled up in her thoughts. She felt herself trembling, as if the world was crumbling beneath her as thoughts of her last moments without him bubbled in her head.
“Wh-whatta ‘bout me, Ronnie? Don’t ch’ care if I die?” The man looked up at his companion, an eyebrow raised as he regarded Gert‘s jiggling pout and her whimpering tone, “We’ve had some good times, right, Ronnie? Whatta ’bout the New Year’s party or Sissy’s wedding? Or that time you got sick and I took care of ya‘?”
Gert felt her heart throbbing painfully in her chest as she locked gazes with Ronnie. Snot clogged her nose as tears wobbled on the edge of her mascara. Guilty, sweat-scented fantasies danced in the woman’s mind as she watched the man‘s reaction.
Without taking his eyes off of the woman, Ronnie gingerly placed the pen down - though it rolled off the shuddering table, anyway - and laid his dry hands over her chunky digits. Her flesh was warm and sticky, but the incessant amount of rings she wore bit into his palms. The gently swaying lights started to flicker and the outside slowly darkened as Ronnie leaned forward.
Gert mirrored his motion, eyes wide and lips parted in a tiny, hope-filled smile as she held her breath. Excited warmth crawled across her face, making her ears prickle as she waited for Ronnie’s words.
“No, Gert, I don’t care what happens to idiots who fall for lies,” purred Ronnie before he pulled away.
Her mouth opened and closed, unable to find a reply other than an awkward whimper that strangled at her vocal cords. Ronnie turned his attention back to his crossword, determined to finish it and ignore anymore of his companion‘s stupidity. Gert’s lips trembled and moist mascara rolled down her pale cheeks. Slowly, she clambered from the booth. Her body quivered and the café rumbled softly. The door’s chime tingled just as dust began to fall from the ceiling, and bolts rattled in the support beams of the shop. Coffee pots rattled off the counters and shattered on the tiles while the rest of the building creaked and moaned.
Outside, the sounds of chaos had died away, except for a majority of car alarms, and for a moment it seemed as if the whole world were silent. Through the storefront window of the café, crowds of people were standing still with their eyes turned toward the cloudy, grey sky.
Ronnie was too distracted to notice.
“Where’d my damn pen go?” Ronnie muttered, leaning to peer beneath the table just as the world dissolved in a flash of radioactive heat.
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Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2010 11:18 am
Excellent! I found this very interesting and just descriptive enough to give me a clear, crisp idea of what is happening. I'm not much of a short story writer myself, but I did so enjoy reading this. Going through it, I have a little trouble finding any obvious flaws. The characters are surprisingly well-thought out enough to seem real to me. I can perfectly picture these two sitting in a café booth arguing about this. Well written! (I personally love Ronnie's attitude for some reason. XD)
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EstoPerpetua Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2010 2:10 pm
I concur with Crystalbow. It is very well written. It's a great example of well written dialogue. I really enjoyed it!
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Posted: Sun Oct 10, 2010 11:05 am
This is a very unique and interesting piece~
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