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Celestial Firestorm Captain
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 Posted: Sat Aug 14, 2010 3:57 am
This is just the opening of a story idea I'm still tweaking with. Really, I haven't given the actual plot too much thought yet, so you'll have to excuse a few things that might seem weird.
I haven't thought of character names yet, so in their place you'll see something like this:
[character 1 name] or [character 1 nickname]
These are just place-holders to let you still know who I'm talking about without them actually having names. You'll also see those bracket place-holders used in other capacities, so just know that they mean pretty much the same thing. I just wanted to get some opinions on this opening before I start working on anything else.
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Posted: Sat Aug 14, 2010 4:33 am
xxxxxx"[character 1 name], hurry up."
xxxxxx"I'm working on it! This isn't like breaking into a domestic server."
xxxxxx[character 2 name] rolled his eyes.
xxxxxx"Why aren't you doing this, anyway? You're better than I am; I should be the one on lookout."
xxxxxx"You were chosen. That's all there is to it."
xxxxxx"But who is the person that chooses us, anyway? I've never seen anyone be told they were chosen straight from the source before."
xxxxxx"I though you were already told how [the society] works? Just do your job, [character 1 nickname OR derogatory name]."
xxxxxx"Yeah, yeah..." [character 1 name] fingers flew over the keyboard, then jumped when the ceiling creaked. "Well, at least tell me why we have to use this stupid abandoned house! It's really creepy!"
xxxxxx[character 2 name] glared angrily at the back of his partner's head. He had to force himself to not pull out his sidearm, instead reaching over and smacking the rookie upside the head. "Because. We can connect to the mainframe here and we can get back to the [base] easily." He planted his hands on the younger man's shoulders and gave a toothy grin. "Answer your question?"
xxxxxx[character 1 name] nodded, rubbing his head. [character 2 name] turned back to the window, scowling. Heaven help me I don't kill this kid, he thought. Something out the window caught his attention suddenly, so he pulled out a special pair of night-vision goggles to get a better look. They made a slight whirring noise as they zoomed in and focused on the motion in the distance, and his grip tightened on the rubber as he realized what it was. "We've got a problem."
xxxxxx[character 1 name] didn't even look up. "What?"
xxxxxx"They're on to us."
xxxxxx"WHAT?!" [character 1 name] was on his feet so fast he accidently knocked his chair backwards. It bumped into [character 2 name], so he looked over to see the newbie pacing frantically. "I can't go to prison! I'd never survive on the inside! I don't have the constitution to--"
xxxxxx"Shut UP! Sit back at the computer and execute Escape Program A! We've gotta get out of here!"
xxxxxx"R-Right." Hands shaking, [character 1 name] leaned over the keyboard and started the program. Suddenly, the screen flashed red, a message that he had done something wrong.
xxxxxxAt the sound of the keyboard no longer clicking, [character 2 name] glanced back to see what was wrong. He roared in anger and shoved the other man out of the way, knocking him to the floor. He quickly entered strings of code and soon everything was set. The monitor turned dark as the computer proceeded to empty its memory onto a [storage device] and then demolish its complete hard drive. Yanking the [storage device] loose and jamming it in his pocket, [character 2 name] barked, "Get off the floor! Let's go!"
xxxxxxA low rumbling, too low to even hear, shook the whole foundation of the house, bringing down the looser pieces of debris from the dilapidated ceiling. [character 1 name] rolled out of the way just in time as a huge chunk fell, scrambling to his feet and following [character 2 name] into the basement. In the darkest corner behind a dozen spider webs was a trap door, leading to one of the many tunnels connecting the [base] to other parts of the city.
xxxxxxThe men leaped into the hole, pulling the door closed behind them and fitting boards across it so it wouldn't sound hollow if someone checked the corner. A little farther down on the tunnel wall was a keypad. [character 2 name] thumbed in a string of numbers, activating the connection between the pad and the computer and readying the C4 lining the ceiling of the tunnel. When it successfully beeped three times the two men dashed the tunnel as fast as their legs could carry them.
xxxxxxThe front door blasted open and a swarm of officers clad in full riot gear stormed into the house, moving like a uniform machine to cover all the rooms of the two story abode. When the first floor was declared clear, one of the officers tried to take the stairs to the next level, only to go crashing through the rotten wood into the broom cupboard below.
xxxxxxAs a few junior members snickered at their fallen comrade, a voice yelled from the crumbling living room, "Captain!"
xxxxxxMoving much stealthier than his build would suggest possible, a tall man slipped through from the kitchen to the living room, raising his visor. "What's wrong?" The soldier nodded behind him to the computer. "Son of a b***h..." he breathed, frowning and stepping over to the machine. Gently wiggling the mouse, he scowled when the monitor remained dark.
xxxxxxAs he reached for the space bar, the cadet yelped, "It could be a bomb!" Then when his captain glared at him, he swallowed and added, "Sir."
xxxxxxThe captain held the look for a moment before looking back to the screen. "No, they don't work that way." Still, as he tapped the space bar, he took a step back instinctively. The screen took a minute, then flickered dully to life. The man's eyes widened and he ground his teeth in anger at what met him there.
xxxxxxA despicable graphic of a monkey smacking its hindquarters with his own head danced back and forth across the monitor and something crackled through the speakers. A distorted voice, a male's by the sound of it, with a British accent spoke as such: "Ooh, you'll have to do better if you want to catch me, I'm afraid. Better luck next time, chaps." The captain then officially died, and the computer shut off. The captain roared with outrage and kicked the fallen chair across the room, where it smashed into a wall.
xxxxxxSuddenly the whole building shook as if something had exploded. A cloud of smoke rose from the CPU of the computer and it was clear they had rigged it to destroy itself once the message had been delivered.
xxxxxxSteadying himself, the cadet shook his head and quipped, "Boy, when that computer explodes, it really goes..."
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Celestial Firestorm Captain
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