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 Posted: Wed Jan 11, 2006 3:11 pm
I have no idea what it is that I have. I thought maybe seeking out some bipolar people could help me... they actually can compare what I am going through to their own lives... So yeah. Thanks in advance.
I want to make this short, but I don't know how that is going to work.
If you want to know the details behind the whole thing just ask and I'll edit this post.
Anyway...
General psychological background::: I used to have selective mutism and was on a crapload of meds for that...but that was in kindergarden to third grade. Eventually when that was all gone... some idiot thought I had ADD. I went through middle school with weekly progress reports to my parents & extra time on standardized tests. I always denied having it. I was on prozac for the beginning time after I was [mis] diagnosed with ADD. I was then put on Effexor XR because prozac was killing my appetite. [cont. after next section.]
Start of depression: After a huuuge fight with this girl [that I despise with a burning passion] I began feeling pretty strange. After a bad day...or even just something ticking me off the slightest bit, I would just go home and cry a hell of a lot. I had really bad insomnia for about a month at a time at the most. Then it stopped for a bit.
I don't really remember last year so vividly. There was some insomnia but not as bad as I had it the year prior. I still had my ups and downs.
Currently?::: My insomnia has returned again. It is really starting to bug me because I can't stay awake in class...I keep almost dozing off. If I could get ahold of coffee as often as I would like I would be addicted to it.
Even now I start crying for no reason. Sometimes I have a decent day and just all of a sudden...usually at night...I just start to cry out of nowhere. The other day I was really mad at my friend for blowing me off for the 2nd time...the same exact way. The whole week I was happy and just from then on I was really down & depressed.
>Symptoms::: Sometimes I have really bad headaches when I am depressed.
Hallucinations:::Sometimes I see things flying around I don't remember what sort of state I am in when that happens. Things like coloured light flying REALLY fast across a room. ...They almost look like a sort of ghost plasma thing. They only appear for a couple of seconds. Then another one comes or that one comes back. It's usually one or two of them at the most.
Psychological background [cont.]::: For my start of highschool, the school did not want to give me any help unless it was proven that I had ADD. I had some brain waves readby a different "Doctor" and he said there was no ADD, but there was mild depression.
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Posted: Wed Jan 11, 2006 10:24 pm
I've had deeply ingrained depression for about as long as I can remember. You mentioned your main trigger; neither I nor my doctor can find mine. I gave myself a psychosomatic in the second grade because of it. And again in the 5th grade (partially triggered), and the 7th and 8th grades. In 8th grade I was diagnosed with rather severe depression, and later bipolar, although my symptoms are more akin to BPD in addition (not uncommon in my family).
Uh, after minor trouble with pot and alcohol, a spell of anorexia in which I lost about 14 pounds (which doesn't seem like much, but I'm usually under 105lbs, and I'm 5'5", so it adds up pretty quick). My self harm had escalated drastically, I had cuts everywhere (deep enough that the scars still stand visible, years later). I lost almost all my friends, attempted suicide, and last summer I was put on suicide watch (though doc didn't call it that, just told me that I had to be under supervision almost constantly...etc...).
I'm currently in another major downer, and though I've been playing more with kitchen knives, no major inflictions as of late.
Regardless, I'm here (even if no one else is) and I'm willing to listen.
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Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 7:42 pm
Angellen I've had deeply ingrained depression for about as long as I can remember. You mentioned your main trigger; neither I nor my doctor can find mine. I gave myself a psychosomatic in the second grade because of it. And again in the 5th grade (partially triggered), and the 7th and 8th grades. In 8th grade I was diagnosed with rather severe depression, and later bipolar, although my symptoms are more akin to BPD in addition (not uncommon in my family). Uh, after minor trouble with pot and alcohol, a spell of anorexia in which I lost about 14 pounds (which doesn't seem like much, but I'm usually under 105lbs, and I'm 5'5", so it adds up pretty quick). My self harm had escalated drastically, I had cuts everywhere (deep enough that the scars still stand visible, years later). I lost almost all my friends, attempted suicide, and last summer I was put on suicide watch (though doc didn't call it that, just told me that I had to be under supervision almost constantly...etc...). I'm currently in another major downer, and though I've been playing more with kitchen knives, no major inflictions as of late. Regardless, I'm here (even if no one else is) and I'm willing to listen. Do you think it is bipolar? If so which kind? Maybe rapid cycle, howver I am not sure how long my episodes last... Actually, if it is bipolar...I think it's rapid cycle.
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