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Go ahead and tear her apart. ^^ Originally a Maximum Ride OC made for the test.


Name:
Having no legal name other than a number she goes by Kit.
Age:
19
Gender:
Female
Appearance: (in words)
Referance 1 Referance 2
Kit is about 5 feet 8 inches tall, and skinny but not to the point where you see her bones. She only weighs about 90 lbs due to how her bones are similar to a bird's and most of her weight is from muscle and very little fat on her. She has black, raven like wings with a fourteen foot span to them. Though she can tuck then next to her spine and cover them with a jacket to seem like a normal human. She has shoulder length black and brown streaked hair, that she usually ties up to keep out of the way when fighting or flying. Her hands are rough and sacred along with her arms with various marks of old fights.

For her clothing, Kit goes for warmth and just ease of getting. Usually she's in a black or gray hoodie (depending on the last chance she had to wash it) with a blue t-shirt under it, and a black jacket over everything. All three shirts have long slits cut in the back for her wings. For pants just a pair of jeans do her well enough and a pair of worn sneakers on her feet. Her whole outfit shows signs of being worn, and a few blood stains show that she's been in a fair share of fights.
Personality:
Kit for the most part worries about her survival and finding her next place to hide away for a night. She's extremely claustrophobic, and distrusts anybody wearing a white lab coat. Still if she finds that she can trust somebody, she will do her best to help that person or people to survive as well. She has a temper to watch out for and if a bit headstrong when on her own, acting first without much of a plan when fighting.
History:
Kit is an avian hybrid, to be more specific she's 2% raven and 98% human. A test tube baby born in a lab called the School, and hell doesn't even begin to describe that place. Tests were done daily and were often painful by people that she and the other subjects called Whitecoats. She was kept in what could be called a dog crate, only having brief times to practice flying. Most of what she learned was by watching birds and copying the movements. When she was 14 the School was ordered to 'retire' or kill all the DNA hybrids, and she was sent to be killed the next morning. Something happened; not even Kit is sure what exactly sure what happened but there was a chance to escape to the sky and she took it as fast as her wings could carry her.

She spent the next five years on the run, running into other hybrids but more often than not they were the lupine ones or Erasers. During that time she learned how to fight dirty, hand to hand like street fighting. It didn't matter what it took, all that mattered was her survival.
Combat experience:
She has five years of street fighting like combat under her belt, but will take up a weapon if it's something hand to hand based like a thick branch or pipe. She is clueless about firearms.
Other:
Kit can fly to speeds of roughly 150 mph in a dive, but prefers to stay at about 90 when going to a set destination. The highest altitude she's gone was about to the point where the air is thin, and normal humans would need oxygen to breath. She has a built in sense of direction, just in that she knows where she wants to go, and what direction to go, even when there are no landmarks to go off of. Her vision is equal to that of a raptor, a bird of prey along with excellent night vision. The only true strange power she has is being able to influence people's actions. Not really control them, but unless it's against their morals, they usually follow through with the sugestion.

Thanks, I spent a while on it, just trying to make sure she didn't sound Sue-ish.

Anybody have a total tear apart of her?

That Mary Sue test is great for most things, but it's not always accurate and/or helpful, especially in the RP that this particular profile's being used for, since most of the questions are based around how different your character is from the norms of the universe that they live in.

My profile for this RP clocked in at a 31, which is a low Gary Stu. Of course, there's so many other things about a character that just might not be covered by the test -- primarily, the context of your answers.

I've never heard of Maximum Ride, so I'm not exactly wise to the ways of the world your character is coming from, but I want to say it seems unrealistic that you would be able to cruise along at 90 miles per hour. I'm no physicist, and like I said, it might be perfectly acceptable in the world your character is coming from. Cheetah's weigh anywhere from 20 to 50 pounds more than your character, and can only clock 70mph, for example. Feel free to ignore this if it doesn't apply.

The only other thing that I notice is a lack of any sort of stated weakness, which in my opinion, is the number one case of Sue Syndrome. The power of suggestive hypnosis near the end of the profile almost seems like it was tacked on to make sure the plot could go your way. Mind controlling techniques are a major thorn in the sides of RPers, as it leads to "puppeteering", which is essentially a form of godmodding. You could take that power away from your character, and still be fully capable as an avian hybrid.

My character Fear got a 10 on that Mary Sue test, and he is by far one of the most intense characters I've ever made. XD

Anyways, I'm about to go critique this in my thread.