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Old Headlines

Canadian doctors invade the US, forcing free treatments on patients.

People celebrate world peace, brought to us by the hugging trees.

Kansas Thumbtack Massacre takes country by surprise.

Government requires all citizens to join the Church of Furry, Tagging programs set in place.

Italy takes Europe in surprise attack with alfredo grenades & marinara missiles, says U.S. is next.

Alternate universes merge; infinite numbers of everyone meet to compare past lives and make out.

Blueberry declared the official State Taste for Missouri.

Man runs into dog on scooter and vomits puppies for 24 hours.

Ice cream truck opens portal to icy underworld, party on Saturday.

Naked women march into men's club, get kicked out, ask WTF?

Population increases being handled, lovestruck teens encouraged to kill themselves after rejection.

All hail the almighty tallest! Their brains are munchy and sweet!

The brains of this drone are temporarily offline. Please go about your day.

Mozart brought back from dead, joins Rolling Stones on tour.

Gaia comes under control of mysterious leader purpleravenhawk, declared a democratic hippie state.

Pyramid appears in the middle of Ohio, President craps his pants.

Dude takes the week off, guild parties like it's 2099.

It's the end of the world as we know it.

The pope's hair falls out, and the world....oh, wait...

We have enough gold in the guild account for 8 more subforums. o.O

Today's weather: clouds, sun, wind.

Serial pigtailer gives every man, woman, and child in the country pigtails in their hair.

Producer announces new project: reality tv show about everyone in the entire world.

Chipmunks take over the world, humans required to learn "Squeak" as second language.

Giant crabs start company to make tea cozies for lizards.

Gender roles enforced by world's governments; paperwork mixup forces many men to stay at home.

Centaur people demand equal rights; naga people refuse; war imminent.

Scientists discover that dragonflies are actually baby dragons, vanish on quest to find adults.

New Gaia Achievement: Hit yourself in the head with a brick.

New Gaia Achievement: Give Lanzer a foot massage.

New Gaia Achievement: Make out with your favorite Gaia NPC.

New Gaia Achievement: Bring all your money and your parents' money to Gaia HQ in Cali.

New Gaia Achievement: Act like a noob.

Zombies enter the political arena. No one notices the change.

Purple bunnies overrun world, eat all the chocolate.

Grim reaper retires, starts reality tv show to find successor.

Mass slaughter at local store causes mysterious plague of chocolate daffodils.

Mass suicide leaves puppets in charge of the world.

Giant lizard arrives from Mars, looking for a date.

Direct descendants of original Pilgrim settlers demand reparations from England for being kicked out.

Fairy Tales come to life, only goth lolita otaku are prepared.

Notebook paper declared to be most valuable item in world; nerds rejoice.

All food vanishes except for pie; world baffled and stuffed.

Spicy burritos slouch into homes and businesses and fall on people.

Spongebob Squarepants auctions off house for charity; winner moves in and drowns.

Books get tired of not being read and revolt, overthrowing the world in days.

Candles start spitting jelly beans when lit; men start candle shopping.

Shamrocks sprout from the noses of true Irish descendants.

Pregnancy spreads through the air like a disease, country grinds to a halt.

There's a samurai in my underwear!

Screaming carrots announce war on dragons.

Easter baskets everywhere suddenly develop minds of their own and try to eat kids.

Otters take up writing self-help books to make a living.

Glosticks march on U.N. and demand strawberry smoothies.

Crimefighting becomes a national pastime, Criminals join police force and shoot selves.

Blue foxes chase golden dragons through chicken coops, ruin Egg Day for everyone.

Purple takes a day off, Cthulu takes over the guild.

Poof! The world is made of cheese!

I READ !!!