Doctor:“Rose, take Mickey and Arthur, get after it.
Follow it, don’t approach it, just watch what it does.”
Mickey:“Arthur?”
Doctor:“Good
... name for a horse.”
Rose:“No, you’re not keeping the
horse!”
Doctor:“I let you keep Mickey!”
The Doctor: Hello! Oka— [gulp, nauseated expression] New teeth. That's weird. So where was I? Oh, that's right—Barcelona!
Rose: You can’t be.
Doctor: Then how could I remember this? The very first word I ever said to you,
trapped in that cellar, surrounded by shop window dummies - oh, such a long time ago. I took your hand and I said one word. Just one word. I said run!
Rose: Doctor?
Doctor: Hello!
The Doctor: Back to your mum. It's all waiting. Fish and chips, sausage and mash, beans on toast... No! Christmas! Turkey! Although, having met your mother, [sotto voce] nutloaf would be more appropriate.
Mr. Llewellyn: [about the aliens from a space probe broadcast] So they might not be actual Martians.
Soldier: Of course not. Martians look completely different.
The Doctor: Now, first things first. Be honest. How do I look?
Rose: Umm... different.
The Doctor: Good different or bad different?
Rose: Just... different.
The Doctor: Am I... ginger?
Rose: No, you're just sort of... brown.
The Doctor: [disappointed] Aw, I wanted to be ginger! I've never been ginger! And you, Rose Tyler! Fat lot of good you were! You gave up on me! [Rose looks annoyed] Ooh, that's rude. Is that the sort of man I am now? Am I rude? Rude and not ginger.
The Doctor: It is! It's the city of New New York! Strictly speaking, it's the fifteenth New York since the original, so that makes it New-New-New-New-New-New-New-New-New-New-New-New-New-New-New New York. [Rose laughs] What?
Rose: You're so different.
The Doctor: New-New Doctor.
The Doctor: And, I'll tell you something else; we just met Queen Victoria!
Rose: Oh I know! She was just sitting there.
The Doctor: Like a stamp!
Rose: I wanted to say [imitating Queen Victoria] "we are not amused". Bet you five quid I can make her say it.
The Doctor: Well if I gambled on that, it'd be an abuse of my privilege as a traveler in time.
Rose: Ten quid?
The Doctor: Done.
Rose: [about the Koh-i-Noor] How much is that worth?
The Doctor: They say the wages of the entire planet for a whole week.
Rose: Good job my mum's not here, or she'd be fighting the wolf off with her bare hands for that thing.
The Doctor: She'd win.
The DoctorThe Doctor: So, physics. Physics, eh? Physics.
Physics, physics, physics, physics, physics, physics, physics, physics, physics, physics . Hope you’re getting all this down.
The Doctor: “Oh, we’ve been chatting away and I forgot to tell you - I’m brilliant.”
The Doctor: K-9! Rose Tyler, Mickey Smith, allow me to introduce K-9! Well, K-9 Mark III, to be precise.
Rose: Why does he look so... disco?
The Doctor: Oi! Listen, in the year 5000, this was cutting edge!
Mr Finch/Brother Lassar: [Sneers] You... bad dog!
K9: [Smugly] Affirmative!
Sarah: I saw things you wouldn't believe!
Rose: Try me.
Sarah: Mummies.
Rose: I've met ghosts.
Sarah: Robots. Lots of robots.
Rose: Slitheen. In Downing Street.
Sarah: Daleks!
Rose: [smugly] Met the Emperor.
Sarah: Anti-matter monsters!
Rose: Gas-mask zombies!
Sarah: Real living dinosaurs!
Rose: Real living werewolf!
Sarah: [emphasising each word] The Loch Ness monster!
Rose: [stunned] Seriously?
Sarah Jane: does he still stroke bits of the TARDIS?
Rose:...yes! yes, he does! i’m like “do you two want to be alone?”
Rose: Oh, here's trouble. What you been up to?
The Doctor: Oh, this and that. Became the imaginary friend of a future French aristocrat, picked a fight with a clockwork man... [A whinny is heard from off screen] Oh, and I met a horse.
Mickey: What's a horse doing on a spaceship?
The Doctor: Mickey, what's pre-revolutionary France doing on a spaceship? Get a little perspective!
Reinette: Oh, this is my lover, the King of France.
The Doctor: [dismissive] Yeah? Well I'm the Lord of Time.
The Doctor: [smiling] Umm... what are you doing that for?
Mickey: 'Cause you told me to.
The Doctor: [smile slowly fades] When was that?
Mickey: About half an hour ago.
The Doctor: [sheepish] Umm... you can let go now.
Mickey: How long has it been since I could've stopped?
The Doctor: Ten minutes? Twenty? Twenty-nine?
Mickey: You just forgot me!
The Doctor: No, no, no, I was jus— I was— I was calibrating! I was jus— No, I know exactly what I'm doing.
Pete: I thought it was the security services, what do I get? Scooby-Doo and his gang! They've even got the van!
Mickey: No, no, but the Preachers know what they're doing. Ricky said he's London's most wanted.
Ricky: Yeah, that's not exactly...
Mickey: Not exactly what?
Ricky: I'm London's most wanted for... parking tickets.
Pete: Great.
Ricky: Yeah, they were deliberate, I was fighting the system! Park anywhere, that's me.
The Doctor: Good policy. I do much the same.
Mickey: Do you think there was a cyber factory in Paris? I've always wanted to go to Paris.
Jake: [smiling] Yeah.
Mickey: Then let's go liberate France.
Jake: What, in a van?
Mickey: There's nothing wrong with a van. I once saved the universe with a big yellow truck!
The Doctor: It's never too late, as a wise person once said; Kylie, I think.
Rose Tyler: “She slapped you!”
The Doctor: “Nine hundred years of time and space, and I’ve never been slapped by someone’s mother!”
Detective-Inspector Bishop: Start from the begining, tell me everything you know.
Doctor: Well, for starters, I know you can't wrap your hand around your elbow and make your fingers meet.
The Doctor: I've trapped you here.
Rose: Oh, don't worry about me. [there is a rumble overhead] Okay... we're under a black hole... on a planet which shouldn't exist, with no way out. Right, I've changed my mind, start worrying about me.
The Doctor: [Upon appearing from the TARDIS. To Elton] Someone wants a word with you.
Rose: You upset my mum!
Elton: [glances at the Abzorbaloff] ...great big absorbing creature from outer space, an' you're having a go at me?
Rose: No one upsets my mum.
Rose: Easy for you to say, you don't have kids.
The Doctor: I was a dad once.
Rose: [surprised] What did you say?
The Doctor: When did it start?
Jackie: Well, first of all, Peggy heard this noise in the cellar. So she goes down...
The Doctor: No, I mean world-wide.
The Doctor: Who you gonna call?
Rose: [laughing] Ghostbusters!
The Doctor: I ain't afraid of no ghost!
Dalek Thay: Identify yourselves.
Cyberman: You will identify first.
Dalek Thay: State your identity!
Cyberman: You will identify first.
Dalek Thay: Identify!
Mickey: It's like Stephen Hawking meets the speaking clock.
The Doctor: What?
[The woman turns around]
Donna Noble: Wha—
The Doctor: What?
Donna Noble: Who're you?
The Doctor: What?
Donna Noble: Where am I?
The Doctor: What?
Donna Noble: What the hell is this place?!
The Doctor: What?!?!
Donna: Who are you?
The Doctor: I'm the Doctor. You?
Donna: Donna.
The Doctor: Human?
Donna: Yeah. What, is that optional?
The Doctor: Oi! Santa! A word of advice. If you're attacking a man with a sonic screwdriver... [The Doctor picks up a microphone and speaks into it] Don't let him near the sound system.
The Doctor: Guess what I've got, Donna? [Holds up Robot remote control] Pockets!
Donna: How did that fit in there?
The Doctor: They're bigger on the inside.
Martha: What's that?
The Doctor: Sonic screwdriver.
Martha: Well if you're not going to tell me.
The Doctor: No really, see? It's a screwdriver and it's... sonic.
Martha: What else have you got, laser spanner?
The Doctor: I did, but it was stolen by Emmeline Pankhurst. Cheeky woman.
Martha: No, but that was this morning! But... Did you... You can travel in time! But hold on, if you could see me this morning, why didn't you just tell me not to go into work?
The Doctor: Crossing into established events is strictly forbidden. Except for cheap tricks.
Martha: Oh no, no. But... it's just a box! But it's huge! How does it do that? It's wood! It's like a box with that room just crammed in. It's... [The Doctor mouths the next few words along with her] bigger on the inside!
The Doctor: [Sarcastically] Is it? I hadn't noticed.
The Doctor: Just think. When you get back, you could tell everyone that you've seen Shakespeare.
Martha: Yeah! And then I could get sectioned!
The Doctor: "Rage, rage, against the dying of the light..."
William Shakespeare: I might use that.
The Doctor: You can't, it's someone else's.
Doctor: All the world's a stage...
William Shakespeare: I might use that.
The Doctor: [The Carrionites] used you. They gave you the final words like a spell, like a code. Love's Labours Won, it's a weapon! The right combination of words spoken in the right place with the shape of the Globe as an energy converter! The play's the thing! [starts to leave but turns back to Shakespeare] And yes, you can have that.
The Doctor: Once more unto the breach!
William Shakespeare: I like that! [realizes] Wait a minute. That's one of mine!
The Doctor: Oh, just... shift!
William Shakespeare: 761390! Vanish like a tinker's cuss! I say to thee... [Shakespeare turns to The Doctor again]
Doctor: ...Uh... [The Doctor turns to Martha]
Martha: Expelliarmus!
Everyone: Expelliarmus!
Doctor: Good old J.K.!
Doctor: I'm finding my own way, I usually do. [opens hatch with sonic screwdriver] There we go [takes off coat and tosses it to Valerie] Look after this. I love that coat. Janis Joplin gave me that coat.
Tallulah: Doctor, can't you do something?
The Doctor: Oh, Tallulah with 3 L's and an H... Just you watch me. What do I need, oh I dunno, how about a great big genetic laboratory? Oh look, I've got one. Lazlo, just you hold on! There have been too many deaths today; way too many people have died. Brand new creatures and wise old men and age-old enemies, and I tell you, I tell you right now, I am not having one more death!
The Doctor: Black tie... Whenever I wear this, something bad always happens.
Martha: That's not the outfit, that's just you. But anyway, I think it suits you. In a... James Bond kinda way.
The Doctor: James Bond? Really?...
The Doctor: People don't understand time. It's not what you think it is.
Sally: Then what is it?
The Doctor: Complicated.
Sally: Tell me.
The Doctor: Very complicated.
Sally: I'm clever, and I'm listening, and don't patronize me because people have died and I'm not happy. Tell me.
The Doctor: People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect... but actually, from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly... timey-wimey... stuff.
The Master: Now then, Doctor! Ooh, new voice! [low voice] Hello, [high voice] hello, [low voice] hello. [Normal] Anyway. Why don't we stop and have a nice little chat while I tell you all my plans and you can work out a way to stop me, I don't think!
Martha: Hold on, I know that voice!
The Doctor: I'm asking you really, properly, just stop! Just think!
The Master: Use my name.
The Doctor: Master... [quietly] I'm sorry.
The Master: Tough!
[The Master attempts to dematerialise the TARDIS; the Doctor uses the sonic screwdriver to stop him. Succeeds only in making a small explosion in the TARDIS]
The Master: Oh no you don't!
[The Master overrides the Doctor's efforts]
The Master: End of the universe! Have fun! Bye bye!
[After The Doctor short-circuits a CCTV camera with his Sonic Screwdriver]
The Master: Oh! You public menace!
Captain Jack: So Doctor, tell us; who is he? How did the ancient race of Time Lords create a psychopath?
Martha: Yeah, and what is he to you? Like a colleague or...?
The Doctor: He was a friend, at first...
Martha: For a moment there, I thought you were gonna say he was your long-lost brother.
The Doctor: [dismissively] You've been watching too much TV!
Martha: I'm going to kill him!
Captain Jack: What do you say I use this perception filter to walk up behind him and break his neck!?
The Doctor: Now that sounds like Torchwood.
Captain Jack: Still a good plan!
The Doctor: [solemn] He's a Time Lord, which makes him my responsibility. I'm not here to kill him...I'm here to save him.
The Master: Shall we decimate them? That sounds good, nice word, decimate. [to the Toclafane] Remove one tenth of the population!
The Master: Now it ends, Doctor! NOW IT ENDS!
Martha: We've got all six billion spheres heading right for us!
[Back on the ground, the Doctor and the Master size each other up]
The Doctor: We've got control of the Valiant, you can't launch.
The Master: Oh, but I've got this! Black hole converter inside every ship. If I can't have this world, Doctor, then neither can you! We shall stand upon this Earth, together, as it burns!
The Doctor: Weapon, after weapon, after weapon. All you do is talk, and talk, and talk. But over all these years... and all these disasters, I've always had the greatest secret of them all. I know you. Explode those ships, you kill yourself... that's the one thing you can never do.
The Master: Always the women.
The Doctor: I didn't see her.
The Master: Dying in your arms. Happy now?
The Doctor: You're not dying, don't be stupid. It's only a bullet, just regenerate.
The Master: No.
The Doctor: One little bullet, come on.
The Master: I guess you don't know me so well; I refuse.
The Doctor: Regenerate. Just regenerate. Please. Please! Just regenerate! Come on!
The Master: And spend the rest of my life imprisoned with you?!
The Doctor: [crying] But you've got to. Come on. It can't end like this. You and me, all the things we've done.] Axons, remember the Axons? And the Daleks? We're the only two left. I have no one else. REGENERATE!
The Doctor: What's your first name?
Midshipman: Alonso.
The Doctor: [pauses in disbelief] You are kidding me!
Midshipman: Uh... why?
The Doctor: There's something else I've always wanted to say: Allons-y Alonso!
Rickston Slade: Hang on a minute. Who put you in charge? And
who in the hell are you anyway?
The Doctor: I'm the Doctor. I'm a Time Lord. I'm from the
planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous. I'm 903 years
old, and I'm the man who's gonna save your lives and all six billion people on the planet below. You got a problem with that?
Slade: No.
The Doctor: In that case:...Allons-y!
Penny: [leaving building, still tied to a chair] Oi you two, You're just mad, do you hear me! Mad! And I'm going to report you for... madness!! [storms off still tied to the chair]
Donna: Some people just can't take it... and some people can! [grins]. So then! TARDIS! Come on! [leaves quickly, dragging the Doctor behind her]
Donna: [referring to the Doctor escaping a Pyrovile] You fought it off with a water pistol! I bloody love you!
Doctor: Name?
General Staal: General Staal of the ninth Sontaran battle fleet. "Staal The Undefeated!"
Doctor: Oh that's no good. What if you get defeated? "Staal The Not-Quite-So-Undefeated-Any-More-But-Never-Mind?"
General Staal: We have an intruder!
Doctor: How'd he get in? In-tru-da window?
The Doctor: I don't know where we're going but my old hand's very excited about it!
Donna: I thought that was some bloody alien thing! You're telling me it's yours?!
The Doctor: Well...
Martha: It got cut off. He grew a new one!
Donna: You are completely impossible!
The Doctor: Not impossible... just a bit unlikely.
Donna: [about the Doctor] He saves planets, rescues civilizations, defeats terrible creatures... and runs a lot. Seriously, there is an outrageous amount of running involved.
The Doctor: You need to get yourself a better dictionary. When you do, look up "genocide". You'll find a little picture of me there, and the caption'll read "Over my dead body".
The Doctor: The Library. So big it doesn't need a name; just a great big "the."
[Donna takes a book in her hands, The Doctor takes it away from her immediately]
The Doctor: Spoilers!
Donna: What?
The Doctor: These books are from your future. If you read ahead, it will spoil all the surprises. Like peeping at the end.
Donna: Isn't travelling with you one big spoiler?
The Doctor: I try to keep you away from major plot developments. Which, to be honest, I seem to be really bad at.
River: Pretty Boy, with me, I said.
The Doctor: Oh, I’m pretty boy?
Donna: Yesss! …Oh, that came out a bit quick.
The Doctor: Pretty?
Donna: Meh.
The Doctor: Why am I handcuffed... why would you even have handcuffs?
Prof. River Song: [Playfully flirtatious] Spoilers.
The Doctor: Ah, I'll be fine. Taking a big space truck with a bunch of strangers across a diamond planet called Midnight... What could possibly go wrong? (alot of things Doctor, alot of things)
Rose: [walking into store with two looters inside] Right! You two! You can put that stuff down, or run for your lives. [powers up big gun] Do you like my gun?
The Doctor: Davros, come with me! I promise I can save you!
Davros: [berserk with fury] Never forget, Doctor: YOU DID THIS! I name you, forever... YOU ARE THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS!
Doctor: I just want you to know, there are worlds out there, safe in the sky because of her. That there are people living in the light, and singing songs of Donna Noble. A thousand, million light years away. They will never forget her, while she can never remember. [visibly upset] But for one moment... one shining moment... she was the most important woman in the whole wide universe.
Sylvia: She still is. [insistently] She's my daughter!
Doctor: Well, perhaps you should tell her that once in a while.
[A door breaks open and what looks like a red Cyberman emerges]
The Doctor: Oh, that's different. [reaches into his coat]
The Fake Doctor: [at the same time as the Doctor] Oh, that's new.
[The creature charges at both the Doctors]
Both Doctors simultaneously: [brandishing sonic screwdrivers] Allons-y!
Cyberman: The core has been repaired. [The Cyberman plugs the infostamp into its chest. It sees various images of the Tenth Doctor] You are the Doctor.
The Doctor: Hello!
Cyberman: You will be deleted.
The Doctor: Come on, allons-y!
Lady Christina de Souza: Oui, mais pas si nous allons vers un cauchemar. [Yes, but not if we're going into a nightmare.]
The Doctor: [impressed] Oh, we were made for each other!
Adelaide: State your name, rank, and intention!
The Doctor: The Doctor. Doctor. Fun.
Wilfred: What is it? What have you done, you monster?
The Master: Oh, I’m sorry, are you talking to me? [as Joshua] Or to me? [as Abigail] Or to me? [as Danes] Or to me? [as three guards] Or to us? [As Trinity Wells] Breaking news. I’m everyone. And everyone in the world is me! [As Barack Obama.] I'm President. President of the United States! Look at me! [the press pool, full of Masters, applaud heartily] Oh! Financial solution... deleted!
Original Master: The human race was always your favorite, Doctor. But now, there is no human race. There is only... the Master race!
11th Doctor
The Doctor:"There's something you better understand about me, 'cause it's important and one day your life may depend on it. I am definitely a madman with a box!"
The Doctor: Legs. I've still got legs. Good. Arms, hands. Ooh, fingers. Lots of fingers. Ears? Yes. Eyes: two. Nose... eh, I've had worse. Chin - blimey! Hair... [notes length.] I'm a girl! [checks Adam's apple.] No! No! I'm not a girl! [pulls a lock of his hair in front of his eyes and looks at it, agitated] And still not ginger! There's something else. Something... important, I'm... I'm-I'm... [ecstatic.] Ha-ha! Crashing!
[As the burning TARDIS falls to Earth, the new Doctor clings to the central control column, laughing and whooping with glee. He looks up and shouts]
The Doctor: Geronimo!!
The Doctor: [climbs out of TARDIS, dramatic music, bewildered young Amy stares at him] Can I have an apple?
The Doctor:...Can I have an apple? All I can think about—apples. I love apples. Maybe I'm having a craving....That's new—never had cravings before.
The Doctor: [looks down at the TARDIS] Just had a fall, all the way down there right to the library, hell of a climb back up.
Amelia: You're soaking wet.
The Doctor: I was in the swimming pool.
Amelia: You said you were in the library.
The Doctor: So was the swimming pool.
The Doctor: Of course not. You're not scared of anything! Box falls out of sky, man falls out of the box, man eats fish custard, and look at you! Just sitting there. So you know what I think?
Amelia: What?
The Doctor: Must be a hell of a scary crack in your wall.
The Doctor: Wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey, do you know what the crack is?
Amelia: What?
The Doctor: It's a crack.
The Doctor: You know when grown ups tell you everything is going to be fine and you think they're probably lying to make you feel better?
Amelia: [rolls eyes] Yes.
The Doctor: Everything's going to be fine.
The Doctor: Why does no one ever listen to me, do I just have a face that nobody listens to? Again?
Amy: Will that door hold it?
The Doctor: [Sarcastically] Oh, yeah, yeah of course. It's an inter-dimensional multiform from outer space. They're all terrified of wood!
Amy: I'm Amelia and you're late.
The Doctor: What happened?
Amy: Twelve years.
The Doctor: You hit me with a cricket bat!
Amy: Twelve years!
The Doctor: Cricket bat!
Amy: Twelve years, and four psychiatrists!
The Doctor: Four?
Amy: I kept biting them.
The Doctor: Why?
Amy: They said you weren't real.
The Doctor: Here they come, the human race. The end comes as it was always going to do, down a video phone.
Doctor: Nothing says non-terrestrial like a sonic screwdriver!
The Doctor: And the final score is: no TARDIS, no screwdriver, two minutes to spare. Who da man?! [Everyone looks at him unimpressed] [petulantly] Okay, that's... I'm never saying that again. Fine.
The Doctor: Well that's rubbish, who's that supposed to be?
Rory: It's you.
The Doctor: Me? Is that what I look like?
Rory: You don't know?
The Doctor: Busy day.
The Doctor: Oi, I didn't say you could go! Article 57 of the Shadow Proclamation. This is a fully established level five planet, and you were gonna burn it? What? Did you think no one was watching? You lot, back here. Now. [Throws phone back to Rory] Now I've done it.
Rory: Did he just bring them back? Did he just save the world from aliens and then bring all the aliens back again?!
Rory: You just summoned aliens back to Earth. Actual aliens. Deadly aliens. Aliens... of death. And now you're taking your clothes off.
The Doctor: Turn your back if it embarrasses you.
Rory: [after turning his back, speaking to Amy] Aren't you gonna turn your back?
Amy: Nope.
The Doctor: One question, just one more. Is this world protected?
[The Atraxi scans through pictures of Cybermen, Daleks, Racnoss, Sea Devils, Slitheen, etc.]
The Doctor: Yeah, you're not the first to have come here. Oh, there have been so many. And what you have to ask yourself is... what happened to them?
[The Atraxi shows pictures of the first to tenth Doctors, finishing with an image of the tenth Doctor that the eleventh Doctor then steps through]
The Doctor: Hello. I'm the Doctor. Basically... run.
Amy: You kept the clothes.
The Doctor: Well, I just saved the world-- the whole planet-- for about the millionth time, no charge. Yeah, shoot me. I kept the clothes.
Amy: Including the bow tie.
The Doctor: Yeah, it's cool. Bow ties are cool.
Amy: What are you going to doooo?
The Doctor: What I always doooo. Stay out of trouble. [pause] Badly.
Amy: So is this how it works, Doctor? You never interfere in the affairs of other peoples or planets... unless there's children crying?
The Doctor: Yes.
The Doctor: I'm way worse than Scottish. I can't even see the movie, it won't play for me.
Amy: It played for me.
The Doctor: The difference being the computer doesn't accept me as human.
Amy: Why not? [The Doctor looks at her] You look human...
The Doctor: No, you look Time Lord. We came first.
Amy: So there's other Time Lords, yeah?
The Doctor: No. There were, but there aren't... just me now. Long story. It was a bad day, bad stuff happened.
Amy: How does a mouth have an eject button?!
The Doctor: Think about it! Right then! [tweaks bow tie, facing tidal wave of vomit] This isn't going to be big on dignity! Geronimo!
The Doctor: Nobody talk to me. Nobody human has anything to say to me today!
Amy: Have you ever run away from something because you were scared, or not ready, or just... just because you could?
The Doctor: Once. A long time ago.
Amy: What happened?
The Doctor: [gestures to himself] Hello!
Dalek: Would you care for some tea?
The Doctor: [slaps tea from Dalek's tea tray] Stop this! What are you doing here? What do you want?!
Dalek: We seek only to help you.
The Doctor: To do what?
Dalek: To win the war.
The Doctor: Really? Which war?
Dalek: I do not understand.
The Doctor: This war against the Nazis or your war against the rest of the universe? The war against all lifeforms that are not Dalek?
Dalek: I do not understand. I am your soldier.
The Doctor: Okay, okay! Okay, soldier, defend yourself! (smacks dalek with board)
Bracewell: What the devil?!
Dalek: You do not require tea?
Bracewell: Stop him! Prime Minister, please!
Churchill: Doctor!
The Doctor: Come on!
Churchill: What the devil?
The Doctor: Come on! Fight back! I know you will!
Bracewell: I must protest!
The Doctor: You hate me! You want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! Kill me!
Amy: Doctor, be careful!
Dalek: Please resist from striking me. I am your soldier.
The Doctor: [He accentuates each word by hitting the Dalek each time] YOU! ARE! MY! ENEMY! AND I AM YOURS! You are everything I despise. The worst sin in all creation. I've defeated you. Time and time again, I've defeated you. I sent you back into the Void. I saved the whole of reality from you. I am the Doctor, and you are the Daleks!!
[He kicks the Dalek backwards]
Dalek: Correct.
Supreme Dalek: You are the Doctor. You must be exterminated!
The Doctor: [Holds up jammy dodger] Don't mess with me sweetheart.
The Doctor: The question is, what do we do now? Either you turn off your clever machine or I'll blow you and you new paradigm into eternity.
Supreme Dalek: And yourself?
The Doctor: Occuptional hazard.
Strategist Dalek: Scan reveals nothing; TARDIS self destruct device non-existant!
The Doctor: All right [takes a bite out of the 'self-destruct'], it's a Jammie Dodger, but I was promised tea!
The Doctor: The writing... the graffiti: Old High Gallifreyan. [dramatically] The lost language of the Time Lords. There were days, there were many days, where these words could burn stars, raise up empires, and topple gods.
Amy: What does it say?
The Doctor: [hesitates, then, exasperatedly] "Hello sweetie".
The Doctor: I'm not going to be there every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship!
River Song: And you are so wrong.
The Doctor: Parked us? But we haven't landed!
River Song: Of course we've landed; I just landed her.
The Doctor: But it didn't make the noise.
River Song: What noise?
The Doctor: You know, the... [does an impression of the TARDIS materialisation sound]
River Song: It's not supposed to make that noise. You leave the brakes on.
The Doctor: Yes, well, it's a brilliant noise. I love that noise.
The Doctor: A weeping angel, Amy, is the deadliest, most
powerful, most malevolent life-form evolution has ever produced and right now one of them is trapped inside that wreckage and I'm supposed to climb in after it with a screwdriver and a torch, and assuming I survive the radiation long enough and assuming the ship doesn't explode
in my face, do something incredibly clever which I haven't actually thought of yet. That's my day, that's what I'm up to. Any questions?
Amy: Is River Song your wife? 'Cos she's someone from your future. The way she talks to you, I've never seen anybody do that. She's kind of like, you know, [deep voice] "Heel, boy!" She's Mrs Doctor from the future, isn't she? Is she gonna be your wife one day?
The Doctor: Yes, you're right. [pause] I am definitely Mr Grumpy-Face today.
The Doctor: There's one
thing you never put in a trap, if you're smart, if you value your
continued existence, if you have any plans about seeing tomorrow, there's one thing you never ever put in a trap
Weeping Angel: What would that be, sir?
The Doctor:...Me!
Father Octavian: Four hundred years later the planet was terraformed. Currently there are six billion human colonists.
The Doctor: Woah, you lot, you're like RABBITS! I'll never be done saving you.
The Doctor: [examines crack with his sonic screwdriver] So what are you? [looks at screwdriver] Oh that's bad. Ah, that's extremely very not good.
River Song: How did you get past them?
The Doctor: Found a crack in the wall and told them it was the end of the universe.
Amy: What was it?
The Doctor: The end of the universe
The Doctor: Rory! That's a relief! I thought I had burst out of the wrong cake. Again. That reminds me, there's a girl standing outside in a bikini. Can someone let her in, give her a jumper? Lucy. Lovely girl. Diabetic. Now then, Rory, we need to talk about your fiancée. She tried to kiss me. Tell you what though, you're a lucky man; she's a great kisser! [Glass smashes; Doctor realizes what he just said] ...Funny how you can say something in your head and it sounds fine.
The Doctor: Can't see a thing.
Rory: Well, its just as well I brought this, then. [He produces a tiny torch.]
The Doctor: [Produces a rather larger light] Ultraviolet. Portable sunlight.
Rory: [stares at the item] Yours is bigger than mine.
The Doctor: Let's not go there.
Rossanna: A partnership, any which way you choose.
The Doctor: I don't think that's a good idea do you? I'm a Time Lord...you're a big fish. Think of the children.
The Doctor: Blimey, fish from space have never been so... buxom
Amy: Shall I run and get the manual?
The Doctor: I threw it in a supernova.
Amy: You threw the manual in a supernova? Why?
The Doctor: Because I disagreed with it! Now stop talking to me when I'm cross!
The Dream Lord: If you had any more tawdry quirks, you could open up a tawdry quirk shop! The madcap vehicle, the cockamamie hair, the clothes designed by a first year fashion student, I'm surprised that you haven't got a little purple space dog, just to ram home what an intergalactic wag you are.
The Doctor: I told you trust nothing we see hear or feel. Look around you, examine everything. Look for all the details that don't ring true.
Rory: Okay, well, we're in a spaceship that's bigger on the inside than the outside.
Amy: With a bow tie-wearing alien.
Rory: So maybe what [does air quotes] "rings true" isn't so simple.
The Doctor: Yeah, sort of a communal trance, very rare, very complicated, I'm sure there's a dream giveaway to tell, but my mind isn't working because this VILLAGE IS SO DULL!
The Dream Lord: If you die in the dream, you wake up in reality. Healthy recovery in next to no time. Ask me what happens if you die in reality.
Rory: What happens?
The Dream Lord: You die, stupid. That's why it's called "reality".
The Doctor: Is anyone going to mention Rory’s ponytail? You hold him down, I’ll cut it off?
Rory: Says the guy in a bow tie?
The Doctor: Hey, bow ties are cool
Dream Lord: Let’s all jump under a bus and wake up in the TARDIS. You first.
The Doctor: Leave her alone.
Dream Lord: Say that again. I love it when he does that. Tall dark hero, leave her alone!
Rory: Just leave her!
Dream Lord: Yes, you’re not so impressive
Rory: [picks up phone] Can't we just call for help?
The Doctor: Yes, because the universe is really quite small and there's bound to be someone nearby.[takes the phone, and hits Rory over the head with it]
The Doctor: Oh look, a big mining thing. Oh, I love a big mining thing... see? Way better than Rio; Rio doesn't have a big mining thing.
Amy: We're not going to have a look, are we?
The Doctor: Let's go and have a look.
The Doctor: [reading sign] "Restricted access, no unauthorized personnel." Hmmm.... [opens lock with sonic screwdriver]
Amy: That's breaking and entering!
The Doctor: What did I break? Sonic-ing and entering, totally different.
The Doctor: ...and blue grass. [eats said grass]
Amy: Oh please, have you always been so disgusting?
The Doctor: No, that's recent.
The Doctor: [in a room which is breaking apart] Under the circumstances, I'd suggest... run!
Male Scientist: You're not making any sense, man.
The Doctor: Excuse me—I'm making perfect sense, you're just not keeping up.
Elliot: Have you met monsters before?
The Doctor: Yeah.
Elliot: Are you scared of them?
The Doctor: No; they're scared of me.
Rory: Can't you sonic it?
The Doctor: It doesn't work on wood!
Rory: That's... rubbish.
The Doctor: OI! DON'T DISS THE SONIC!
Doctor: Thank you sir, very helpful indeed. Nice bowtie! Bow ties are cool.
Dr Black: [Laughing] Yours is very.
Doctor: Oh, thank you. Keep telling them stuff. Come on.
Amy: What about the other pictures!
Doctor: Art can wait - this is life and death. We need to talk to Vincent van Gogh.
Vincent Van Gogh: But you're not armed!
The Doctor: I am.
Vincent Van Gogh: What with?
The Doctor: Over-confidence, this [taps suitcase], and a small screwdriver. I'm absolutely sorted.
The Doctor: [talking to Vincent and Amy] One simple instruction, don't follow me under any circumstances.
Vincent: Will you follow him?
Amy: [in an obvious tone] Of course!
Vincent: I love you.
Doctor: That’s impressive hearing he’s got, what’s less impressive is our chances of survival.
Doctor: I am really stupid.
Amy: Oh, get a grip! This is not a moment to re-evaluate your self esteem!
Doctor: No, I really am stupid, and I’m growing old. Why does it attack but never eat its victims, and why was it abandoned by the pack and left to die, and why is it feeling its way helplessly around the walls of the room? It can’t see. It's blind. That, of course explains why it has such perfect hearing!
Vincent: Which, unfortunately, explains why it is now turning around and heading straight for us!
Craig: Give me back those keys, you can't have those!
Doctor: Yes, quite right, have some rent. [Hands him a paper bag stuffed with cash] That's probably quite a lot, isn't it... Looks like a lot. Is it a lot? I can never tell. Don't spend it all on sweets. Unless you like sweets. I like sweets.
Doctor: I'm the Doctor. Well, they call me the Doctor. I don't know why. I call me the Doctor too. I still don't know why.
Craig: That was amazing! Where'd you learn to cook?
The Doctor: Paris, 18th Century... no, that's not recent, is it? I meant 17th, no, 20th. Sorry, not used to doing them in the right order.
Craig: Has anyone ever told you that you're a bit weird?
The Doctor: They never really stop.
Doctor: All I've got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong?
Amy: Have you seen you?
Doctor: So you're just going to be snide, no helpful hints?
Amy: Hmmm... Well, here's one. Bow tie? Get rid!
Doctor: [Insistently] Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I'm a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do!
Amy: They watch telly, they play football, they go down the pub.
Doctor: I could do those things. I mean I don't. But I could.
Doctor: [Disoriented in a towel, just after falling out of the shower] What's happened?! What's going on?!
Craig: Is that my toothbrush? [Indicating his electric toothbrush, which the Doctor grabbed believing it to be his sonic screwdriver]
Doctor: Correct! You spoke to the man upstairs? What did he look like?!
Craig: A lot more normal then you do now, mate.
Doctor: I thought you might be in trouble.
Craig: Thanks, well if I ever am, you can come and save me...with my toothbrush.
Shaun: Alright Doctor, I’m Shaun. So where’re you strongest?
The Doctor: Arms.
Craig: No, he means what position on the field?
The Doctor: Not sure, the front? The side? Dunno.
Shaun: Are you any good though?
The Doctor: Let’s find out [kicks ball]
Doctor: Just reconnecting all the electrics. It's a real mess. [Holds up a regular screwdriver] Where's the 'on' switch for this?
Amy: Doctor! Stop! Are you upstairs?!
Doctor: Just going in.
Amy: No, you can't be upstairs!
Doctor: Of course I can be upstairs!
Amy: No, I've got the plans! You cannot be upstairs. It's a one story building. There is no upstairs.
Doctor: Hello, I'm Captain Troy Handsome of International Rescue, please state the nature of your emergency!
The Doctor: The way I see it, every life is a pile of good
things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.
The Third Doctor: Courage isn't just a matter of not being afraid. It's being afraid and doing what you have to do
anyway.
The Fourth Doctor: Something's going on contrary to the laws of the universe. I must find out what!
The Fifth Doctor: Well, there's a probability of anything. Statistically speaking, if you gave typewriters to a treeful of monkeys, they'd eventually produce the works of William
Shakespeare
The Seventh Doctor: Yes, that's right, you're going. You've been gone for ages. You're already gone. You're still here. You've just arrived. I haven't even met you yet. It all depends on who you are and how you look at it. Strange business, time.
The Ninth Doctor: Go to your room! Go to your
room! I mean it. I'm very, very angry with you. I'm very, very cross!
GO! TO! YOUR! ROOM! .........................I'm really
glad that worked. Those would have been terrible last words.
Follow it, don’t approach it, just watch what it does.”
Mickey:“Arthur?”
Doctor:“Good
... name for a horse.”
Rose:“No, you’re not keeping the
horse!”
Doctor:“I let you keep Mickey!”
The Doctor: Hello! Oka— [gulp, nauseated expression] New teeth. That's weird. So where was I? Oh, that's right—Barcelona!
Rose: You can’t be.
Doctor: Then how could I remember this? The very first word I ever said to you,
trapped in that cellar, surrounded by shop window dummies - oh, such a long time ago. I took your hand and I said one word. Just one word. I said run!
Rose: Doctor?
Doctor: Hello!
The Doctor: Back to your mum. It's all waiting. Fish and chips, sausage and mash, beans on toast... No! Christmas! Turkey! Although, having met your mother, [sotto voce] nutloaf would be more appropriate.
Mr. Llewellyn: [about the aliens from a space probe broadcast] So they might not be actual Martians.
Soldier: Of course not. Martians look completely different.
The Doctor: Now, first things first. Be honest. How do I look?
Rose: Umm... different.
The Doctor: Good different or bad different?
Rose: Just... different.
The Doctor: Am I... ginger?
Rose: No, you're just sort of... brown.
The Doctor: [disappointed] Aw, I wanted to be ginger! I've never been ginger! And you, Rose Tyler! Fat lot of good you were! You gave up on me! [Rose looks annoyed] Ooh, that's rude. Is that the sort of man I am now? Am I rude? Rude and not ginger.
The Doctor: It is! It's the city of New New York! Strictly speaking, it's the fifteenth New York since the original, so that makes it New-New-New-New-New-New-New-New-New-New-New-New-New-New-New New York. [Rose laughs] What?
Rose: You're so different.
The Doctor: New-New Doctor.
The Doctor: And, I'll tell you something else; we just met Queen Victoria!
Rose: Oh I know! She was just sitting there.
The Doctor: Like a stamp!
Rose: I wanted to say [imitating Queen Victoria] "we are not amused". Bet you five quid I can make her say it.
The Doctor: Well if I gambled on that, it'd be an abuse of my privilege as a traveler in time.
Rose: Ten quid?
The Doctor: Done.
Rose: [about the Koh-i-Noor] How much is that worth?
The Doctor: They say the wages of the entire planet for a whole week.
Rose: Good job my mum's not here, or she'd be fighting the wolf off with her bare hands for that thing.
The Doctor: She'd win.
The DoctorThe Doctor: So, physics. Physics, eh? Physics.
Physics, physics, physics, physics, physics, physics, physics, physics, physics, physics . Hope you’re getting all this down.
The Doctor: “Oh, we’ve been chatting away and I forgot to tell you - I’m brilliant.”
The Doctor: K-9! Rose Tyler, Mickey Smith, allow me to introduce K-9! Well, K-9 Mark III, to be precise.
Rose: Why does he look so... disco?
The Doctor: Oi! Listen, in the year 5000, this was cutting edge!
Mr Finch/Brother Lassar: [Sneers] You... bad dog!
K9: [Smugly] Affirmative!
Sarah: I saw things you wouldn't believe!
Rose: Try me.
Sarah: Mummies.
Rose: I've met ghosts.
Sarah: Robots. Lots of robots.
Rose: Slitheen. In Downing Street.
Sarah: Daleks!
Rose: [smugly] Met the Emperor.
Sarah: Anti-matter monsters!
Rose: Gas-mask zombies!
Sarah: Real living dinosaurs!
Rose: Real living werewolf!
Sarah: [emphasising each word] The Loch Ness monster!
Rose: [stunned] Seriously?
Sarah Jane: does he still stroke bits of the TARDIS?
Rose:...yes! yes, he does! i’m like “do you two want to be alone?”
Rose: Oh, here's trouble. What you been up to?
The Doctor: Oh, this and that. Became the imaginary friend of a future French aristocrat, picked a fight with a clockwork man... [A whinny is heard from off screen] Oh, and I met a horse.
Mickey: What's a horse doing on a spaceship?
The Doctor: Mickey, what's pre-revolutionary France doing on a spaceship? Get a little perspective!
Reinette: Oh, this is my lover, the King of France.
The Doctor: [dismissive] Yeah? Well I'm the Lord of Time.
The Doctor: [smiling] Umm... what are you doing that for?
Mickey: 'Cause you told me to.
The Doctor: [smile slowly fades] When was that?
Mickey: About half an hour ago.
The Doctor: [sheepish] Umm... you can let go now.
Mickey: How long has it been since I could've stopped?
The Doctor: Ten minutes? Twenty? Twenty-nine?
Mickey: You just forgot me!
The Doctor: No, no, no, I was jus— I was— I was calibrating! I was jus— No, I know exactly what I'm doing.
Pete: I thought it was the security services, what do I get? Scooby-Doo and his gang! They've even got the van!
Mickey: No, no, but the Preachers know what they're doing. Ricky said he's London's most wanted.
Ricky: Yeah, that's not exactly...
Mickey: Not exactly what?
Ricky: I'm London's most wanted for... parking tickets.
Pete: Great.
Ricky: Yeah, they were deliberate, I was fighting the system! Park anywhere, that's me.
The Doctor: Good policy. I do much the same.
Mickey: Do you think there was a cyber factory in Paris? I've always wanted to go to Paris.
Jake: [smiling] Yeah.
Mickey: Then let's go liberate France.
Jake: What, in a van?
Mickey: There's nothing wrong with a van. I once saved the universe with a big yellow truck!
The Doctor: It's never too late, as a wise person once said; Kylie, I think.
Rose Tyler: “She slapped you!”
The Doctor: “Nine hundred years of time and space, and I’ve never been slapped by someone’s mother!”
Detective-Inspector Bishop: Start from the begining, tell me everything you know.
Doctor: Well, for starters, I know you can't wrap your hand around your elbow and make your fingers meet.
The Doctor: I've trapped you here.
Rose: Oh, don't worry about me. [there is a rumble overhead] Okay... we're under a black hole... on a planet which shouldn't exist, with no way out. Right, I've changed my mind, start worrying about me.
The Doctor: [Upon appearing from the TARDIS. To Elton] Someone wants a word with you.
Rose: You upset my mum!
Elton: [glances at the Abzorbaloff] ...great big absorbing creature from outer space, an' you're having a go at me?
Rose: No one upsets my mum.
Rose: Easy for you to say, you don't have kids.
The Doctor: I was a dad once.
Rose: [surprised] What did you say?
The Doctor: When did it start?
Jackie: Well, first of all, Peggy heard this noise in the cellar. So she goes down...
The Doctor: No, I mean world-wide.
The Doctor: Who you gonna call?
Rose: [laughing] Ghostbusters!
The Doctor: I ain't afraid of no ghost!
Dalek Thay: Identify yourselves.
Cyberman: You will identify first.
Dalek Thay: State your identity!
Cyberman: You will identify first.
Dalek Thay: Identify!
Mickey: It's like Stephen Hawking meets the speaking clock.
The Doctor: What?
[The woman turns around]
Donna Noble: Wha—
The Doctor: What?
Donna Noble: Who're you?
The Doctor: What?
Donna Noble: Where am I?
The Doctor: What?
Donna Noble: What the hell is this place?!
The Doctor: What?!?!
Donna: Who are you?
The Doctor: I'm the Doctor. You?
Donna: Donna.
The Doctor: Human?
Donna: Yeah. What, is that optional?
The Doctor: Oi! Santa! A word of advice. If you're attacking a man with a sonic screwdriver... [The Doctor picks up a microphone and speaks into it] Don't let him near the sound system.
The Doctor: Guess what I've got, Donna? [Holds up Robot remote control] Pockets!
Donna: How did that fit in there?
The Doctor: They're bigger on the inside.
Martha: What's that?
The Doctor: Sonic screwdriver.
Martha: Well if you're not going to tell me.
The Doctor: No really, see? It's a screwdriver and it's... sonic.
Martha: What else have you got, laser spanner?
The Doctor: I did, but it was stolen by Emmeline Pankhurst. Cheeky woman.
Martha: No, but that was this morning! But... Did you... You can travel in time! But hold on, if you could see me this morning, why didn't you just tell me not to go into work?
The Doctor: Crossing into established events is strictly forbidden. Except for cheap tricks.
Martha: Oh no, no. But... it's just a box! But it's huge! How does it do that? It's wood! It's like a box with that room just crammed in. It's... [The Doctor mouths the next few words along with her] bigger on the inside!
The Doctor: [Sarcastically] Is it? I hadn't noticed.
The Doctor: Just think. When you get back, you could tell everyone that you've seen Shakespeare.
Martha: Yeah! And then I could get sectioned!
The Doctor: "Rage, rage, against the dying of the light..."
William Shakespeare: I might use that.
The Doctor: You can't, it's someone else's.
Doctor: All the world's a stage...
William Shakespeare: I might use that.
The Doctor: [The Carrionites] used you. They gave you the final words like a spell, like a code. Love's Labours Won, it's a weapon! The right combination of words spoken in the right place with the shape of the Globe as an energy converter! The play's the thing! [starts to leave but turns back to Shakespeare] And yes, you can have that.
The Doctor: Once more unto the breach!
William Shakespeare: I like that! [realizes] Wait a minute. That's one of mine!
The Doctor: Oh, just... shift!
William Shakespeare: 761390! Vanish like a tinker's cuss! I say to thee... [Shakespeare turns to The Doctor again]
Doctor: ...Uh... [The Doctor turns to Martha]
Martha: Expelliarmus!
Everyone: Expelliarmus!
Doctor: Good old J.K.!
Doctor: I'm finding my own way, I usually do. [opens hatch with sonic screwdriver] There we go [takes off coat and tosses it to Valerie] Look after this. I love that coat. Janis Joplin gave me that coat.
Tallulah: Doctor, can't you do something?
The Doctor: Oh, Tallulah with 3 L's and an H... Just you watch me. What do I need, oh I dunno, how about a great big genetic laboratory? Oh look, I've got one. Lazlo, just you hold on! There have been too many deaths today; way too many people have died. Brand new creatures and wise old men and age-old enemies, and I tell you, I tell you right now, I am not having one more death!
The Doctor: Black tie... Whenever I wear this, something bad always happens.
Martha: That's not the outfit, that's just you. But anyway, I think it suits you. In a... James Bond kinda way.
The Doctor: James Bond? Really?...
The Doctor: People don't understand time. It's not what you think it is.
Sally: Then what is it?
The Doctor: Complicated.
Sally: Tell me.
The Doctor: Very complicated.
Sally: I'm clever, and I'm listening, and don't patronize me because people have died and I'm not happy. Tell me.
The Doctor: People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect... but actually, from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly... timey-wimey... stuff.
The Master: Now then, Doctor! Ooh, new voice! [low voice] Hello, [high voice] hello, [low voice] hello. [Normal] Anyway. Why don't we stop and have a nice little chat while I tell you all my plans and you can work out a way to stop me, I don't think!
Martha: Hold on, I know that voice!
The Doctor: I'm asking you really, properly, just stop! Just think!
The Master: Use my name.
The Doctor: Master... [quietly] I'm sorry.
The Master: Tough!
[The Master attempts to dematerialise the TARDIS; the Doctor uses the sonic screwdriver to stop him. Succeeds only in making a small explosion in the TARDIS]
The Master: Oh no you don't!
[The Master overrides the Doctor's efforts]
The Master: End of the universe! Have fun! Bye bye!
[After The Doctor short-circuits a CCTV camera with his Sonic Screwdriver]
The Master: Oh! You public menace!
Captain Jack: So Doctor, tell us; who is he? How did the ancient race of Time Lords create a psychopath?
Martha: Yeah, and what is he to you? Like a colleague or...?
The Doctor: He was a friend, at first...
Martha: For a moment there, I thought you were gonna say he was your long-lost brother.
The Doctor: [dismissively] You've been watching too much TV!
Martha: I'm going to kill him!
Captain Jack: What do you say I use this perception filter to walk up behind him and break his neck!?
The Doctor: Now that sounds like Torchwood.
Captain Jack: Still a good plan!
The Doctor: [solemn] He's a Time Lord, which makes him my responsibility. I'm not here to kill him...I'm here to save him.
The Master: Shall we decimate them? That sounds good, nice word, decimate. [to the Toclafane] Remove one tenth of the population!
The Master: Now it ends, Doctor! NOW IT ENDS!
Martha: We've got all six billion spheres heading right for us!
[Back on the ground, the Doctor and the Master size each other up]
The Doctor: We've got control of the Valiant, you can't launch.
The Master: Oh, but I've got this! Black hole converter inside every ship. If I can't have this world, Doctor, then neither can you! We shall stand upon this Earth, together, as it burns!
The Doctor: Weapon, after weapon, after weapon. All you do is talk, and talk, and talk. But over all these years... and all these disasters, I've always had the greatest secret of them all. I know you. Explode those ships, you kill yourself... that's the one thing you can never do.
The Master: Always the women.
The Doctor: I didn't see her.
The Master: Dying in your arms. Happy now?
The Doctor: You're not dying, don't be stupid. It's only a bullet, just regenerate.
The Master: No.
The Doctor: One little bullet, come on.
The Master: I guess you don't know me so well; I refuse.
The Doctor: Regenerate. Just regenerate. Please. Please! Just regenerate! Come on!
The Master: And spend the rest of my life imprisoned with you?!
The Doctor: [crying] But you've got to. Come on. It can't end like this. You and me, all the things we've done.] Axons, remember the Axons? And the Daleks? We're the only two left. I have no one else. REGENERATE!
The Doctor: What's your first name?
Midshipman: Alonso.
The Doctor: [pauses in disbelief] You are kidding me!
Midshipman: Uh... why?
The Doctor: There's something else I've always wanted to say: Allons-y Alonso!
Rickston Slade: Hang on a minute. Who put you in charge? And
who in the hell are you anyway?
The Doctor: I'm the Doctor. I'm a Time Lord. I'm from the
planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous. I'm 903 years
old, and I'm the man who's gonna save your lives and all six billion people on the planet below. You got a problem with that?
Slade: No.
The Doctor: In that case:...Allons-y!
Penny: [leaving building, still tied to a chair] Oi you two, You're just mad, do you hear me! Mad! And I'm going to report you for... madness!! [storms off still tied to the chair]
Donna: Some people just can't take it... and some people can! [grins]. So then! TARDIS! Come on! [leaves quickly, dragging the Doctor behind her]
Donna: [referring to the Doctor escaping a Pyrovile] You fought it off with a water pistol! I bloody love you!
Doctor: Name?
General Staal: General Staal of the ninth Sontaran battle fleet. "Staal The Undefeated!"
Doctor: Oh that's no good. What if you get defeated? "Staal The Not-Quite-So-Undefeated-Any-More-But-Never-Mind?"
General Staal: We have an intruder!
Doctor: How'd he get in? In-tru-da window?
The Doctor: I don't know where we're going but my old hand's very excited about it!
Donna: I thought that was some bloody alien thing! You're telling me it's yours?!
The Doctor: Well...
Martha: It got cut off. He grew a new one!
Donna: You are completely impossible!
The Doctor: Not impossible... just a bit unlikely.
Donna: [about the Doctor] He saves planets, rescues civilizations, defeats terrible creatures... and runs a lot. Seriously, there is an outrageous amount of running involved.
The Doctor: You need to get yourself a better dictionary. When you do, look up "genocide". You'll find a little picture of me there, and the caption'll read "Over my dead body".
The Doctor: The Library. So big it doesn't need a name; just a great big "the."
[Donna takes a book in her hands, The Doctor takes it away from her immediately]
The Doctor: Spoilers!
Donna: What?
The Doctor: These books are from your future. If you read ahead, it will spoil all the surprises. Like peeping at the end.
Donna: Isn't travelling with you one big spoiler?
The Doctor: I try to keep you away from major plot developments. Which, to be honest, I seem to be really bad at.
River: Pretty Boy, with me, I said.
The Doctor: Oh, I’m pretty boy?
Donna: Yesss! …Oh, that came out a bit quick.
The Doctor: Pretty?
Donna: Meh.
The Doctor: Why am I handcuffed... why would you even have handcuffs?
Prof. River Song: [Playfully flirtatious] Spoilers.
The Doctor: Ah, I'll be fine. Taking a big space truck with a bunch of strangers across a diamond planet called Midnight... What could possibly go wrong? (alot of things Doctor, alot of things)
Rose: [walking into store with two looters inside] Right! You two! You can put that stuff down, or run for your lives. [powers up big gun] Do you like my gun?
The Doctor: Davros, come with me! I promise I can save you!
Davros: [berserk with fury] Never forget, Doctor: YOU DID THIS! I name you, forever... YOU ARE THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS!
Doctor: I just want you to know, there are worlds out there, safe in the sky because of her. That there are people living in the light, and singing songs of Donna Noble. A thousand, million light years away. They will never forget her, while she can never remember. [visibly upset] But for one moment... one shining moment... she was the most important woman in the whole wide universe.
Sylvia: She still is. [insistently] She's my daughter!
Doctor: Well, perhaps you should tell her that once in a while.
[A door breaks open and what looks like a red Cyberman emerges]
The Doctor: Oh, that's different. [reaches into his coat]
The Fake Doctor: [at the same time as the Doctor] Oh, that's new.
[The creature charges at both the Doctors]
Both Doctors simultaneously: [brandishing sonic screwdrivers] Allons-y!
Cyberman: The core has been repaired. [The Cyberman plugs the infostamp into its chest. It sees various images of the Tenth Doctor] You are the Doctor.
The Doctor: Hello!
Cyberman: You will be deleted.
The Doctor: Come on, allons-y!
Lady Christina de Souza: Oui, mais pas si nous allons vers un cauchemar. [Yes, but not if we're going into a nightmare.]
The Doctor: [impressed] Oh, we were made for each other!
Adelaide: State your name, rank, and intention!
The Doctor: The Doctor. Doctor. Fun.
Wilfred: What is it? What have you done, you monster?
The Master: Oh, I’m sorry, are you talking to me? [as Joshua] Or to me? [as Abigail] Or to me? [as Danes] Or to me? [as three guards] Or to us? [As Trinity Wells] Breaking news. I’m everyone. And everyone in the world is me! [As Barack Obama.] I'm President. President of the United States! Look at me! [the press pool, full of Masters, applaud heartily] Oh! Financial solution... deleted!
Original Master: The human race was always your favorite, Doctor. But now, there is no human race. There is only... the Master race!
11th Doctor
The Doctor:"There's something you better understand about me, 'cause it's important and one day your life may depend on it. I am definitely a madman with a box!"
The Doctor: Legs. I've still got legs. Good. Arms, hands. Ooh, fingers. Lots of fingers. Ears? Yes. Eyes: two. Nose... eh, I've had worse. Chin - blimey! Hair... [notes length.] I'm a girl! [checks Adam's apple.] No! No! I'm not a girl! [pulls a lock of his hair in front of his eyes and looks at it, agitated] And still not ginger! There's something else. Something... important, I'm... I'm-I'm... [ecstatic.] Ha-ha! Crashing!
[As the burning TARDIS falls to Earth, the new Doctor clings to the central control column, laughing and whooping with glee. He looks up and shouts]
The Doctor: Geronimo!!
The Doctor: [climbs out of TARDIS, dramatic music, bewildered young Amy stares at him] Can I have an apple?
The Doctor:...Can I have an apple? All I can think about—apples. I love apples. Maybe I'm having a craving....That's new—never had cravings before.
The Doctor: [looks down at the TARDIS] Just had a fall, all the way down there right to the library, hell of a climb back up.
Amelia: You're soaking wet.
The Doctor: I was in the swimming pool.
Amelia: You said you were in the library.
The Doctor: So was the swimming pool.
The Doctor: Of course not. You're not scared of anything! Box falls out of sky, man falls out of the box, man eats fish custard, and look at you! Just sitting there. So you know what I think?
Amelia: What?
The Doctor: Must be a hell of a scary crack in your wall.
The Doctor: Wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey, do you know what the crack is?
Amelia: What?
The Doctor: It's a crack.
The Doctor: You know when grown ups tell you everything is going to be fine and you think they're probably lying to make you feel better?
Amelia: [rolls eyes] Yes.
The Doctor: Everything's going to be fine.
The Doctor: Why does no one ever listen to me, do I just have a face that nobody listens to? Again?
Amy: Will that door hold it?
The Doctor: [Sarcastically] Oh, yeah, yeah of course. It's an inter-dimensional multiform from outer space. They're all terrified of wood!
Amy: I'm Amelia and you're late.
The Doctor: What happened?
Amy: Twelve years.
The Doctor: You hit me with a cricket bat!
Amy: Twelve years!
The Doctor: Cricket bat!
Amy: Twelve years, and four psychiatrists!
The Doctor: Four?
Amy: I kept biting them.
The Doctor: Why?
Amy: They said you weren't real.
The Doctor: Here they come, the human race. The end comes as it was always going to do, down a video phone.
Doctor: Nothing says non-terrestrial like a sonic screwdriver!
The Doctor: And the final score is: no TARDIS, no screwdriver, two minutes to spare. Who da man?! [Everyone looks at him unimpressed] [petulantly] Okay, that's... I'm never saying that again. Fine.
The Doctor: Well that's rubbish, who's that supposed to be?
Rory: It's you.
The Doctor: Me? Is that what I look like?
Rory: You don't know?
The Doctor: Busy day.
The Doctor: Oi, I didn't say you could go! Article 57 of the Shadow Proclamation. This is a fully established level five planet, and you were gonna burn it? What? Did you think no one was watching? You lot, back here. Now. [Throws phone back to Rory] Now I've done it.
Rory: Did he just bring them back? Did he just save the world from aliens and then bring all the aliens back again?!
Rory: You just summoned aliens back to Earth. Actual aliens. Deadly aliens. Aliens... of death. And now you're taking your clothes off.
The Doctor: Turn your back if it embarrasses you.
Rory: [after turning his back, speaking to Amy] Aren't you gonna turn your back?
Amy: Nope.
The Doctor: One question, just one more. Is this world protected?
[The Atraxi scans through pictures of Cybermen, Daleks, Racnoss, Sea Devils, Slitheen, etc.]
The Doctor: Yeah, you're not the first to have come here. Oh, there have been so many. And what you have to ask yourself is... what happened to them?
[The Atraxi shows pictures of the first to tenth Doctors, finishing with an image of the tenth Doctor that the eleventh Doctor then steps through]
The Doctor: Hello. I'm the Doctor. Basically... run.
Amy: You kept the clothes.
The Doctor: Well, I just saved the world-- the whole planet-- for about the millionth time, no charge. Yeah, shoot me. I kept the clothes.
Amy: Including the bow tie.
The Doctor: Yeah, it's cool. Bow ties are cool.
Amy: What are you going to doooo?
The Doctor: What I always doooo. Stay out of trouble. [pause] Badly.
Amy: So is this how it works, Doctor? You never interfere in the affairs of other peoples or planets... unless there's children crying?
The Doctor: Yes.
The Doctor: I'm way worse than Scottish. I can't even see the movie, it won't play for me.
Amy: It played for me.
The Doctor: The difference being the computer doesn't accept me as human.
Amy: Why not? [The Doctor looks at her] You look human...
The Doctor: No, you look Time Lord. We came first.
Amy: So there's other Time Lords, yeah?
The Doctor: No. There were, but there aren't... just me now. Long story. It was a bad day, bad stuff happened.
Amy: How does a mouth have an eject button?!
The Doctor: Think about it! Right then! [tweaks bow tie, facing tidal wave of vomit] This isn't going to be big on dignity! Geronimo!
The Doctor: Nobody talk to me. Nobody human has anything to say to me today!
Amy: Have you ever run away from something because you were scared, or not ready, or just... just because you could?
The Doctor: Once. A long time ago.
Amy: What happened?
The Doctor: [gestures to himself] Hello!
Dalek: Would you care for some tea?
The Doctor: [slaps tea from Dalek's tea tray] Stop this! What are you doing here? What do you want?!
Dalek: We seek only to help you.
The Doctor: To do what?
Dalek: To win the war.
The Doctor: Really? Which war?
Dalek: I do not understand.
The Doctor: This war against the Nazis or your war against the rest of the universe? The war against all lifeforms that are not Dalek?
Dalek: I do not understand. I am your soldier.
The Doctor: Okay, okay! Okay, soldier, defend yourself! (smacks dalek with board)
Bracewell: What the devil?!
Dalek: You do not require tea?
Bracewell: Stop him! Prime Minister, please!
Churchill: Doctor!
The Doctor: Come on!
Churchill: What the devil?
The Doctor: Come on! Fight back! I know you will!
Bracewell: I must protest!
The Doctor: You hate me! You want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! Kill me!
Amy: Doctor, be careful!
Dalek: Please resist from striking me. I am your soldier.
The Doctor: [He accentuates each word by hitting the Dalek each time] YOU! ARE! MY! ENEMY! AND I AM YOURS! You are everything I despise. The worst sin in all creation. I've defeated you. Time and time again, I've defeated you. I sent you back into the Void. I saved the whole of reality from you. I am the Doctor, and you are the Daleks!!
[He kicks the Dalek backwards]
Dalek: Correct.
Supreme Dalek: You are the Doctor. You must be exterminated!
The Doctor: [Holds up jammy dodger] Don't mess with me sweetheart.
The Doctor: The question is, what do we do now? Either you turn off your clever machine or I'll blow you and you new paradigm into eternity.
Supreme Dalek: And yourself?
The Doctor: Occuptional hazard.
Strategist Dalek: Scan reveals nothing; TARDIS self destruct device non-existant!
The Doctor: All right [takes a bite out of the 'self-destruct'], it's a Jammie Dodger, but I was promised tea!
The Doctor: The writing... the graffiti: Old High Gallifreyan. [dramatically] The lost language of the Time Lords. There were days, there were many days, where these words could burn stars, raise up empires, and topple gods.
Amy: What does it say?
The Doctor: [hesitates, then, exasperatedly] "Hello sweetie".
The Doctor: I'm not going to be there every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship!
River Song: And you are so wrong.
The Doctor: Parked us? But we haven't landed!
River Song: Of course we've landed; I just landed her.
The Doctor: But it didn't make the noise.
River Song: What noise?
The Doctor: You know, the... [does an impression of the TARDIS materialisation sound]
River Song: It's not supposed to make that noise. You leave the brakes on.
The Doctor: Yes, well, it's a brilliant noise. I love that noise.
The Doctor: A weeping angel, Amy, is the deadliest, most
powerful, most malevolent life-form evolution has ever produced and right now one of them is trapped inside that wreckage and I'm supposed to climb in after it with a screwdriver and a torch, and assuming I survive the radiation long enough and assuming the ship doesn't explode
in my face, do something incredibly clever which I haven't actually thought of yet. That's my day, that's what I'm up to. Any questions?
Amy: Is River Song your wife? 'Cos she's someone from your future. The way she talks to you, I've never seen anybody do that. She's kind of like, you know, [deep voice] "Heel, boy!" She's Mrs Doctor from the future, isn't she? Is she gonna be your wife one day?
The Doctor: Yes, you're right. [pause] I am definitely Mr Grumpy-Face today.
The Doctor: There's one
thing you never put in a trap, if you're smart, if you value your
continued existence, if you have any plans about seeing tomorrow, there's one thing you never ever put in a trap
Weeping Angel: What would that be, sir?
The Doctor:...Me!
Father Octavian: Four hundred years later the planet was terraformed. Currently there are six billion human colonists.
The Doctor: Woah, you lot, you're like RABBITS! I'll never be done saving you.
The Doctor: [examines crack with his sonic screwdriver] So what are you? [looks at screwdriver] Oh that's bad. Ah, that's extremely very not good.
River Song: How did you get past them?
The Doctor: Found a crack in the wall and told them it was the end of the universe.
Amy: What was it?
The Doctor: The end of the universe
The Doctor: Rory! That's a relief! I thought I had burst out of the wrong cake. Again. That reminds me, there's a girl standing outside in a bikini. Can someone let her in, give her a jumper? Lucy. Lovely girl. Diabetic. Now then, Rory, we need to talk about your fiancée. She tried to kiss me. Tell you what though, you're a lucky man; she's a great kisser! [Glass smashes; Doctor realizes what he just said] ...Funny how you can say something in your head and it sounds fine.
The Doctor: Can't see a thing.
Rory: Well, its just as well I brought this, then. [He produces a tiny torch.]
The Doctor: [Produces a rather larger light] Ultraviolet. Portable sunlight.
Rory: [stares at the item] Yours is bigger than mine.
The Doctor: Let's not go there.
Rossanna: A partnership, any which way you choose.
The Doctor: I don't think that's a good idea do you? I'm a Time Lord...you're a big fish. Think of the children.
The Doctor: Blimey, fish from space have never been so... buxom
Amy: Shall I run and get the manual?
The Doctor: I threw it in a supernova.
Amy: You threw the manual in a supernova? Why?
The Doctor: Because I disagreed with it! Now stop talking to me when I'm cross!
The Dream Lord: If you had any more tawdry quirks, you could open up a tawdry quirk shop! The madcap vehicle, the cockamamie hair, the clothes designed by a first year fashion student, I'm surprised that you haven't got a little purple space dog, just to ram home what an intergalactic wag you are.
The Doctor: I told you trust nothing we see hear or feel. Look around you, examine everything. Look for all the details that don't ring true.
Rory: Okay, well, we're in a spaceship that's bigger on the inside than the outside.
Amy: With a bow tie-wearing alien.
Rory: So maybe what [does air quotes] "rings true" isn't so simple.
The Doctor: Yeah, sort of a communal trance, very rare, very complicated, I'm sure there's a dream giveaway to tell, but my mind isn't working because this VILLAGE IS SO DULL!
The Dream Lord: If you die in the dream, you wake up in reality. Healthy recovery in next to no time. Ask me what happens if you die in reality.
Rory: What happens?
The Dream Lord: You die, stupid. That's why it's called "reality".
The Doctor: Is anyone going to mention Rory’s ponytail? You hold him down, I’ll cut it off?
Rory: Says the guy in a bow tie?
The Doctor: Hey, bow ties are cool
Dream Lord: Let’s all jump under a bus and wake up in the TARDIS. You first.
The Doctor: Leave her alone.
Dream Lord: Say that again. I love it when he does that. Tall dark hero, leave her alone!
Rory: Just leave her!
Dream Lord: Yes, you’re not so impressive
Rory: [picks up phone] Can't we just call for help?
The Doctor: Yes, because the universe is really quite small and there's bound to be someone nearby.[takes the phone, and hits Rory over the head with it]
The Doctor: Oh look, a big mining thing. Oh, I love a big mining thing... see? Way better than Rio; Rio doesn't have a big mining thing.
Amy: We're not going to have a look, are we?
The Doctor: Let's go and have a look.
The Doctor: [reading sign] "Restricted access, no unauthorized personnel." Hmmm.... [opens lock with sonic screwdriver]
Amy: That's breaking and entering!
The Doctor: What did I break? Sonic-ing and entering, totally different.
The Doctor: ...and blue grass. [eats said grass]
Amy: Oh please, have you always been so disgusting?
The Doctor: No, that's recent.
The Doctor: [in a room which is breaking apart] Under the circumstances, I'd suggest... run!
Male Scientist: You're not making any sense, man.
The Doctor: Excuse me—I'm making perfect sense, you're just not keeping up.
Elliot: Have you met monsters before?
The Doctor: Yeah.
Elliot: Are you scared of them?
The Doctor: No; they're scared of me.
Rory: Can't you sonic it?
The Doctor: It doesn't work on wood!
Rory: That's... rubbish.
The Doctor: OI! DON'T DISS THE SONIC!
Doctor: Thank you sir, very helpful indeed. Nice bowtie! Bow ties are cool.
Dr Black: [Laughing] Yours is very.
Doctor: Oh, thank you. Keep telling them stuff. Come on.
Amy: What about the other pictures!
Doctor: Art can wait - this is life and death. We need to talk to Vincent van Gogh.
Vincent Van Gogh: But you're not armed!
The Doctor: I am.
Vincent Van Gogh: What with?
The Doctor: Over-confidence, this [taps suitcase], and a small screwdriver. I'm absolutely sorted.
The Doctor: [talking to Vincent and Amy] One simple instruction, don't follow me under any circumstances.
Vincent: Will you follow him?
Amy: [in an obvious tone] Of course!
Vincent: I love you.
Doctor: That’s impressive hearing he’s got, what’s less impressive is our chances of survival.
Doctor: I am really stupid.
Amy: Oh, get a grip! This is not a moment to re-evaluate your self esteem!
Doctor: No, I really am stupid, and I’m growing old. Why does it attack but never eat its victims, and why was it abandoned by the pack and left to die, and why is it feeling its way helplessly around the walls of the room? It can’t see. It's blind. That, of course explains why it has such perfect hearing!
Vincent: Which, unfortunately, explains why it is now turning around and heading straight for us!
Craig: Give me back those keys, you can't have those!
Doctor: Yes, quite right, have some rent. [Hands him a paper bag stuffed with cash] That's probably quite a lot, isn't it... Looks like a lot. Is it a lot? I can never tell. Don't spend it all on sweets. Unless you like sweets. I like sweets.
Doctor: I'm the Doctor. Well, they call me the Doctor. I don't know why. I call me the Doctor too. I still don't know why.
Craig: That was amazing! Where'd you learn to cook?
The Doctor: Paris, 18th Century... no, that's not recent, is it? I meant 17th, no, 20th. Sorry, not used to doing them in the right order.
Craig: Has anyone ever told you that you're a bit weird?
The Doctor: They never really stop.
Doctor: All I've got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong?
Amy: Have you seen you?
Doctor: So you're just going to be snide, no helpful hints?
Amy: Hmmm... Well, here's one. Bow tie? Get rid!
Doctor: [Insistently] Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I'm a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do!
Amy: They watch telly, they play football, they go down the pub.
Doctor: I could do those things. I mean I don't. But I could.
Doctor: [Disoriented in a towel, just after falling out of the shower] What's happened?! What's going on?!
Craig: Is that my toothbrush? [Indicating his electric toothbrush, which the Doctor grabbed believing it to be his sonic screwdriver]
Doctor: Correct! You spoke to the man upstairs? What did he look like?!
Craig: A lot more normal then you do now, mate.
Doctor: I thought you might be in trouble.
Craig: Thanks, well if I ever am, you can come and save me...with my toothbrush.
Shaun: Alright Doctor, I’m Shaun. So where’re you strongest?
The Doctor: Arms.
Craig: No, he means what position on the field?
The Doctor: Not sure, the front? The side? Dunno.
Shaun: Are you any good though?
The Doctor: Let’s find out [kicks ball]
Doctor: Just reconnecting all the electrics. It's a real mess. [Holds up a regular screwdriver] Where's the 'on' switch for this?
Amy: Doctor! Stop! Are you upstairs?!
Doctor: Just going in.
Amy: No, you can't be upstairs!
Doctor: Of course I can be upstairs!
Amy: No, I've got the plans! You cannot be upstairs. It's a one story building. There is no upstairs.
Doctor: Hello, I'm Captain Troy Handsome of International Rescue, please state the nature of your emergency!
The Doctor: The way I see it, every life is a pile of good
things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.
The Third Doctor: Courage isn't just a matter of not being afraid. It's being afraid and doing what you have to do
anyway.
The Fourth Doctor: Something's going on contrary to the laws of the universe. I must find out what!
The Fifth Doctor: Well, there's a probability of anything. Statistically speaking, if you gave typewriters to a treeful of monkeys, they'd eventually produce the works of William
Shakespeare
The Seventh Doctor: Yes, that's right, you're going. You've been gone for ages. You're already gone. You're still here. You've just arrived. I haven't even met you yet. It all depends on who you are and how you look at it. Strange business, time.
The Ninth Doctor: Go to your room! Go to your
room! I mean it. I'm very, very angry with you. I'm very, very cross!
GO! TO! YOUR! ROOM! .........................I'm really
glad that worked. Those would have been terrible last words.
