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Because I don't have a father.

My birth father and my mom divorced each other when I was 5. I saw him a few times after that but then he got a new wife who intimidated him into losing contact with us. They lived together for years afterward.

When I was almost 10, my mom, sister, and I moved out of state and settled into a new home. It was peaceful for a time. Then my mom started talking to a man online, and then they started dating. She brought him home to meet us and my first impression was that he was a gentleman. It was my mom's first impression too.

He moved in with us after a while, and as he got more comfortable with the family, he slowly started to shed his disguise. They got married in '01, making him my stepfather. Almost exactly a year later, my other sister (who is technically my half-sister, but we don't like that word "half" sister) was born to them.

For six years afterward, my stepfather started to control our lives. He also would abuse us physically, mentally, verbally, and emotionally. We all lived in fear of him, and he was constantly relocating us. I never got to complete two years in a row in the same school ever again (the exception being when we did live in the first place for two years in a row, but that's when I graduated from elementary school to middle school). My sisters grew up with the constant school-switching and only got to go to the same school twice in a row once we moved away from him.

In September of 2007, we finally gathered up the courage to run away from him. We waited till he was at work, then my mom took us out of school and told us what we were doing. We gathered up minimal possessions, forgetting some very important stuff and leaving them behind in the process, and met up with my grandpa and uncle to take us away to our place of origin.

After moving back to my childhood home, my birth father, having divorced that horrible woman years earlier, came back into contact with us. He had (and still has) a very sweet new wife, my stepmom, who I actually love very much. But he started talking to my sister behind my back about how I'm an "embarrassment" to him and how he wants to "fix" my behavior. The breaking point was when he wouldn't invite me to a birthday party for my own sister, and she insisted either we both went or neither of us went. He started giving stupid arguments as to why I wouldn't "fit in" at the party, bringing me to tears. Finally he just got up and left without apologizing or saying goodbye. We never saw him again.

Half a year later, we got word that he'd had a heart attack and got surgery to overcome it. While he was recovering, he converted to Christianity (he's half Jewish, which would make me a quarter Jewish btw, but he didn't practice any religion at all) which included having to go to confession. He told the priest that the "only" sin he could think of was that he fathered two children who he didn't love.

This past winter, he heard that my sister had been diagnosed with depression, and contacted my mom to see if she was all right. He suddenly insisted that he never said that to the priest and that he'd like to start talking to us again. He gave me my stepmom's Facebook, which I added, and he started communicating with us through email. He said eventually he'd like to move to phone conversations, and then to visits.

It never got to the phone. All of a sudden, one morning, we awoke to find a longwinded apology letter in our inbox, explaining why he can't bring himself to talk with us anymore. Basically it said that because he was abandoned all his life, he had to abandon others to make it "right."

Both my ex-fathers are sick, sick human beings. I don't need any father, ever. I love my stepmom, but I don't love the man she married. I also don't like that she lets him boss her around.

For me, a "happy" Father's Day is one where both of them get thrown down the stairs and stampeded by wild boars.

I comment while watching TV... but not because I think they can hear me...

And thanks for bragging about your awesome dad after I've just told all about my never having a real father. Made me feel real special. crying