Rating: T, for swearing, violence, crack, nekkidness, etc.
Pairing: Occasional Denmark x Norway and Norway x Iceland
Norway says: Do not read this.
Iceland: At least title it…
Norge: -titles it “untitled”- There.
Iceland: …Whatever.
Norge: … -pokes Denmark- He’s dead…
*Denmark is currently passed out on the couch, shirtless, and drunk*
Iceland: …Should we do something about him?
Norge: -wearing his shirt- Why should we?
Iceland: -wearing a maids dress- No reason.
Norge: Okay then… -goes over to Denmark and flicks his forehead-
Iceland: At least let him die in peace, jeez… -goes to get some more soda-
Norge: …Maybe you’re right. -looks over at him…smooches him on the cheek then follows after Iceland-
Iceland: -didn’t see it- Do we have any more Moxie left? I need some more caffeine.
Norge: I think so. -pulls out random can- Oh wait…that’s beer… -gets a different can- Here it is. -hands it to Iceland-
Iceland: Thanks. -opens can and starts chugging-
Norge: -goes over to the counter and gets some pocky- … -noms on pocky- This is good.
Iceland: I bet it is. -done chugging- WOW, THAT HIT THE F***ING SPOT.
Norge: ….? -takes a few moments before the sugar sets in- …I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN, SISTER!~
Iceland: AW HALE JAH. WOOOOH!! ((prepare for hell.)) -throws arms up in the air, throwing Moxie can through the window in the process-
Norge: PARTEH TIME, ICY!!! -also tosses pocky box out the broken window- LET’S GO TORTURE SOME PEOPLE!
Iceland: -throws dress off and is now in his Icelandic flag boxers- YEEEEEEEHAAAA!! -starts singing Ice Ice Baby horribly off-pitch-
Norge: -takes all of his clothes off besides Denmark’s shirt- THE GAME!!! -starts dancing around the house to Iceland’s singing-
Iceland: -suddenly stops- WAIT! -serious face- Where’s my puffin?
Norge: UP THERE! -points at the ceiling- …I think… -starts skipping around the house- PASTA!!!!
Iceland: -stares at nothing on the ceiling for 5 whole minutes- …Ok. -runs into random wall- OUCH. WHO THE F*** PUT THAT WALL THERE?! -angst-
Norge: ICY! IT’S NOT F***ING RIGHT TO CUSS!!! YOU F***ING KNOW THAT!!! -trips on almost nothing- …DARN CANADIAN!!! -gets up- … -starts crying-
Iceland: N-nii-san! -runs over to Norway, suddenly being very moe- Daijobu kara?
Norge: -confused- W-What did you say!? -gets up- … -runs away, crying to Denmark-
Iceland: -no longer moe- NOOOOOOOOO NORGEIIIIII!! DON’T WAKE UP DENMARK!!!! DX
Norge: -falls flat on face again- STUPID CANADIANS!!! … -starts to cry even more-
Iceland: -randomly appears beside Norway and glomps him- I-I’M SORRY, NORGIE!! BUT I DON’T THINK DENMARK-CHIN WOULD WANT TO BE WOKEN UP. HE’D PROBABLY HAVE A HUMUNGO HANGOVER.
Norge: …I-I guess… -sniffle- …I NEED MORE POCKY! -runs to the kitchen and gets more pocky- OH POCKY, YOU’RE MY ONLY FRIEND!!!!
Iceland: W-what?! -brokenhearted- …-sniffle- ;___; I guess there’s only one thing to do at a time like this… -grabs beer can and starts chugging- *5 minutes later* -on his 15th can-
Norge: -comes back in 5 minutes later after eating 50 boxes of pocky- OH WHAT A WONDERFUL DAY IT IS, ICY!!!! -glomps him- I LOVE YOU, BROTHER!!! -nuzzles him-
Iceland: -slowly puts down beer can and turns head ever so slowly to glare evilly at Norway- …Th-that’s -- -hic- not what… m-meh… MEH POOFIN SAID. -hic-
Norge: LOL…WHUT?! YOU HAVE POOFIN!? …I WANNA SEE!!! PLEASE ICY, PLEASE!! -hugs him-
Iceland: ..y-yeah? -hic- You r-r-r-eaaaally wanna s- -hic- see? -stumbling over himself- W-well… -hic- HERE YA GO, BUTER!! -flashes Norway-
Norge: OH MY GOD- -stares in awe- WOOOOOW… AND I THOUGHT DENMARK WAS NICE…LOL!
Iceland: F*** YEAH, BBY. -takes another swig and starts on another can- …eh. I can -hic- do w-without these…. -walks away from the underwear, still butt naked-
Norge: -still staring in awe- ICELAND…YOU ARE AMAZIN!!! -follows him, butt naked too- … -but still wearing Denmark’s shirt-
Iceland: -stops randomly in the middle of the kitchen, not moving- … GYAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!~ - spins in a circle, beer flying everywhere- I LOVE MEH POO-- -hic- POOOOFIIIINNN!!! WHERE ARE YA, -hic- BUUUUDDY?!?~ <3333 -falls over-
Norge: ICY!!!! -goes over to him- ARE YOU DEAD YET!? -notices a beer can on the table- What is that!? -goes over to it and opens the can…then drinks it- …Normally I would hate this, BUT I LOVE IT RIGHT NAO!!! -drinks a ton more cans-
Iceland: -staring blankly at Norway from the floor- …Uh… -turns his head and throws up all over the floor- Ugh… -stands up shakily- … -sticks his head in the freezer-
Norge: EWWW!!! ICY, YOU THREW… -hic- UP EVERYWHERE!!! -sighs dramatically- I guess I’ll have to make Denmark… -hic- clean it up when he wakes up. …Speaking of Denmark, -hic- where is that a**hat!? -storms into the living room- OI! WAKE UP -hic- YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING -hic- PIECE OF -hic- PIE!!!
Iceland: -randomly appears in front of Norway AGAIN, seemingly fine- NOOOO!! YOU CAN’T DO THAT, CHARLIE!! YOU’LL DISSRUPT THE TIME SPACE CONTINUM! -flailing arms all around him and has random rose over you-know-what-
Norge: -stares at the rose- HOW THE -hic- H*** DID YOU GET THAT THERE FLOWER ON YOUR VITAL REGIONS!?!? …TELL ME NAO!! -hic-
Iceland: Oh, well it’s simple really. First I-- *one minute later* And that’s how I got it to stay. -has random beer can in one hand and Mountain Dew in the other-
Norge: -has the OMG face- I-I think I’m scarred for life… -sits in emo corner- WAHHHH!!! I’M SO DEPRESSED!!!
Iceland: Aw, don’t be so down Charlie! Y’know what I do when the world is getting me down? -rose is gone, epic face now- I drink. -chugs Mountain Dew and beer at the same time- AW YEAAAAH.
Norge: REALLY!? That will make me feel better?! -goes to get mountain dew and beer and comes back five minutes later- I’M READY!!!! -chugs them at the same time-
Iceland: -now wearing a dress from Alice in Wonderland, just staring at Norway as he chugs the intoxicating drinks- …Coolio, bro.
Norge: -hic- WOOOO!!!! -does random pocky dance- I LOVE YOU, ICELAND!! -glomps him and gives him a random smooch on the cheek-
Iceland: -turns his head and kisses him straight on the lips- I hate you.
Norge: MRPH… -blushes- Y-You surprised me, Icy. -pouts-
Iceland: -now wearing cat ears- Oh, I’m so sorry, Norge… -kisses his forehead-
Norge: -still only in Denmark’s shirt- I-Iceland…
Iceland: Norway… Daikirai. -serious face, walks away-
Norge: I-I hate you too! -glares at him- PFFT…SCREW HIM!! Making me get all excited for nothing… -blushes-
Iceland: I CAN HEAR YOU, DEUCHLAND . Baka… -opens freezer and takes out bucket of chocolate ice cream- S-stupid boyfriends… Good for nothing -takes out spoon- stupid, lying, cheating -sticks spoonful in mouth- mvil (evil), mtuvng (youtubing), moof fr nffng (good for nothing)… -swallows- SCREW THEM ALL.
Norge: -storms in the room, glaring at Iceland- WHAT THE H*** WAS THAT ALL ABOUT!?!?
Iceland: -glaring right back at him- Sh-shut up. -turns away- … -sniffle-
Norge: A-Are you crying? -worried for him- Icy, are you okay?
Iceland: -back in his boxers, still with the cat ears- G-go away… -hic- You d-don’t care… -sniffle-
Norge: About what? -walks over to him-
Iceland: G-GO AWAY!! -pushes him away, tears now streaming down his face-
Norge: N-NO! -gives him a random hug- Please tell me what’s wrong…
Iceland: N-Norge… -relaxes in his arms- …I-I…! I’M SO SORRY!! WAAAHHH!!! -now hugging him back and crying his eyes out-
Norge: -somehow in his boxers now- W-What are you sorry about!? You did nothing wrong! -wiping away his tears-
Iceland: -looks up at Norway like an innocent scool (<- purposefully misspelled) girl- Y-yes I did! I -hic- I pushed you away and I yelled at you and I called you names and I *5 minutes later* and then there was that one time I--
Norge: -kisses him to shut him up-
Iceland: MMPH-- -relaxes now that his rant has stopped- … -suffocating from lack of oxygen (the rant was done in one breath)-
Norge: -notices he is out of breath(for some unknown reason) and breaks the kiss- A-Are you okay now?
Iceland: -has passed out in his arms-
Norge: Icy…Icy…Icy! ICY!!! -shaking him violently-
Iceland: x_x
Norge: -tries CPR on him-
Iceland: x_X
Norge: Wake up, Icy! Please!!!! -tries mouth to mouth-
Iceland: -slowly sputters to life again- N-Norway…? -eyes are half open now-
Norge: I’m here, Iceland. You’re going to be okay! -serious face-
Iceland: -closing his eyes again-
Norge: NO! NOOO!!!! -continues doing mouth to mouth-
Iceland: -snores-
Norge: -stares at him for a moment- …You little demon… -gets up and walks out of the room-
Iceland: -follows him after waking up, this time wearing a lampshade on his head- Norge?
Norge: -glares at him- What do you want!?
Iceland: -lampshade is gone- … ,_, I-I’m sorry… -runs off crying again-
Norge: -feels bad about being so cruel to him- Iceland! Wait! -follows him-
Iceland: -pretends not to hear him and continues running- ><
Norge: -grabs his hand- Wait! Iceland! I-I’m sorry for being cruel!
Iceland: -looks at him for a little bit- …Yeah. I’m sorry, too. -pulls out random gun and points it at head-
Norge: -grabs the gun- D-Don’t do that! Iceland! -serious face-
Iceland: …-blank expression- …Whatever. -walks away and gets more beer. Again.-
Norge: Good. -follows him and joins him in drinking more beer- THIS IS GREAT STUFF, ICY!!!! -hugs him-
Iceland: …-sips beer- Feh. -stands up and walks outside, now wearing Spain’s uniform-
Norge: -follows Iceland with a beer in his hand- EHHHH!!!! THE MOON IS AMAZIN!! …I WANT TO EAT IT… -tries to reach for the moon, but can’t- I-I can’t reach it! -starts crying-
Iceland: SUCK IT UP. -walks over to Denmark’s car and gets in- Coming, oh Norge, my beloved? ;3
Norge: Why yes, my sweet honey.~ -follows him to the car and gets in- Let’s go for a ride, shall we? -random smooch-
Iceland: -pecks his forehead- Then let’s go. -pulls out quickly and knocks over multiple mail boxes and trash cans while doing so- SPEED RACER~ - drives away 100 miles over the speed limit- I’M SO GONNA THROW UP.
Norge: -has already thrown up- Too late for me!!! -police start chasing them- OH GOD!! IT’S THE POPO!! STEP ON IT, SWEETIE!!!
Iceland: -pulls into a random explosives shop- Wait in the car. -comes back out seconds later with 50 lbs. of dynamite- EAT THIS, FUZZ BALLS!! -throws a couple sticks at them with no effect- Oh, sh**. -pulls out lighter- This outa do it. -lights half the stack and throws it in all directions- KYAHAHAHAHA!!~
Norge: TAKE THAT YOU D*MN POPO!!! -destroys all of them- MUAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!! -sticks tongue out at the police- You’ll never catch me and my sweet!
Iceland: The h***? Whatever. -gets back in the car- LETSA GOOO!! -drives away from the scene of the crime- Where to next, darling?
Norge: Where ever you choose, my sweet. -smiles-
Iceland: If you insist… -pulls up at construction site- We’re here. Now you drive. -gets out and gets in nearest bulldozer-
Norge: I get to drive!? REALLY!?!? YAY!!! -takes drives seat- I’M SO GONNA BEAT THOSE WANNABEES IN NASCAR!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Iceland: …Why do I get the feeling that was really stupid? Eh. Whatever. -starts bulldozer up- Who was the idiot who left the keys in the slot? -starts driving back to Denmark’s house as fast as it goes-
Norge: -following Iceland with the car, crashing through several buildings in the process- Outta the way, idiots! -grins evilly and goes over 9000 miles per hour-
Iceland: o_o He’s gone plaid! …Oh well. As long as he doesn’t miss the house. -arrives at house- IT’S DEMOLITION TIME BBY!! BANHAMMAH!!~
Norge: -drives right through the house- WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Iceland: Figures. ANYWAYS! -starts swinging wrecking ball above the house-
Norge: -sitting in the wrecked car, watching the demolition of Denmark’s house- GO ICY, GO!!!!!
Iceland: How do you work this thing, anyways? -sees red button- Ooooh, what does this do? -presses button and ball drops, taking out one wall and creating a giant hole in another- …Ah. COOOLIOOO~
Norge: Do it again!!!! -watching in awe- WHOOOOOO!!!!
Iceland: -looks over to Norway- You wanna try? -smiles evilly-
Norge: Yes! -runs over to the bulldozer-
Iceland: -opens up door and gets out- Wait one second whilst I run away like a madman. -does just that-
Norge: -gets in the bulldozer and looks around at the machinery- Looks complex…Oh look! A red button! -pressed it and destroys another wall of the house- …How is it still standing!? -presses it multiple times- DIE POTATO! -destroys his Denmark’s house completely-
Iceland: -yelling from a distance- GO NORGE!! -kinda scared-
Norge: -hops out of the bulldozer and collapses- ……….
Iceland: …Oh, well he’s dead. -runs over to Norway- Are you ok?
Norge: -looks up about to cry- I-I tripped and hurt my face….
Iceland: Aw… Lemme see. -takes out random Hello Kitty band aid- Here, this’ll make it a~ll better. -puts it on his forehead-
Norge: T-Thank you. -smiles and gives him a hug- I love you, Iceland.~
Iceland: -smiles and hugs him back- I love you, too, Norge~
Norge: -snuggles up to him- I love you soooo much! -smooches his cheek again-
Iceland: U-uh, yeah, that’s nice… We should… probably go check on Denmark, don’t you think so? -starting to feel the effects of the hangover-
Norge: -also feeling the effects of the hangover- Y-Yeah…I suppose… -clutching his head in pain- Oww….
Iceland: You need some aspirin? -takes bottle out of his pocket-
Norge: Yes, please. -takes the bottle of aspirin…swallows ten of them- Here you go…. -stumbles into the room and sees Denmark- He’s okay…Crap. -snuggles up with him and passes out-
Iceland: -looks sadly into the bottle- …He took all of them… -ends up crawling into the room and passes out after seeing the two other Nordics-
Epilogue
And Denmark woke up to find his house destroyed, Iceland and Norway in each others uniforms, sipping tea as if nothing had happened.
And Iceland still had a hangover, while Norway was perfectly fine.
ZE END.
