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 Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2010 3:22 pm
“Just Too Much”
By Sarah L
May 22, 2010
It all starts off innocently
Pure innocence like a small child’s face
I fall for the new student
Totally classic and truly no big deal
The issue was the fact that
So many other pretty faces were crushing on him
And I was among them for once
The more I got to know him
The more I liked him
Rumors have been known to ruin my life
Which people tell him the ones full of lies
I worked it out with him
Before he believes anything stupid
Then his best friend thinks I’m stalking him
Which I am not
But still drags me away from my crush
To add to that drama
Someone told me he doesn’t like me
I don’t think it’s true because
I have no reason to believe her
Since she told him rumors about me
Finally a best friend of mine told me the same thing
Tears pooled in my eyes but I didn’t let them flow
She hugged me tight and hated to bring bad news
He was called a “crush” for a reason
A small cut appeared on my heart
But it’s one of those wounds that
Heal within days and leave to trace of it behind
The drama he cause was just too much for me
Now it’s time to move on
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Posted: Wed Jun 23, 2010 2:52 pm
It's not bad... it just doesn't seem like a poem to me. More like a story put into a rhythmic pattern. I think, if you want to make it into a poem, you should focus more on the emotions and less on the details of who's telling what, or focus more on who's telling what and less on the story.
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Posted: Thu Jun 24, 2010 6:01 pm
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Posted: Sun Jun 27, 2010 3:21 pm
kapow123 It's not bad... it just doesn't seem like a poem to me. More like a story put into a rhythmic pattern. I think, if you want to make it into a poem, you should focus more on the emotions and less on the details of who's telling what, or focus more on who's telling what and less on the story. Agreed
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Posted: Sat Dec 25, 2010 10:47 pm
I'm so sorry, but I think I'd have to agree with them. :/ It just seems like the beginning of a novel of some sort. It's not in a very rhythmic pattern, and doesn't flow too well. It would make a good story, though!
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