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 Posted: Wed May 19, 2010 11:48 am
smile
This was written after a trip (quite a dangerous one, actually, XD) through some woods to get to an old abandoned cemetery. Like, 1800s old and abandoned.
There is a graveyard in the woods
Where human feet no longer tread.
No human eyes graze the stones
Worn down by nature’s majesty.
No longer do they testify
To the ones they were to immortalize.
No bunches of roses line these graves;
No candles make a vigil to the dead.
Nature pays its respects
In wild flowers and green plants.
Only deer stop by every so often,
To gaze upon these markers
So long forgotten by their makers.
The only tears that fall here
Travel far from heavenly storehouses.
I have seen this place:
Untainted by human eyes,
Unpoisoned by salty tears,
Pure, unadulterated beauty.
And I am fairly certain
Those buried underneath
Would want it that way.
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Posted: Wed May 19, 2010 12:07 pm
Okay, let's see how my poetry class treats us!
I like the line "Nature pays its respects
In wild flowers and green plants."
It's a lovely image. =)
Unfortunately, your language here feels... stilted. Obvious. Telling, if you will, rather than showing.
......My brain is sobbing uncontrollably at my failure to even write anything here. I'm sorry.
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Posted: Thu May 20, 2010 8:06 pm
The "show don't tell" thing is bringing me back to high school. I used to get that a lot on my papers. lol
I will take a look at it and see if I can change that just a bit. If anyone has any more suggestions, let me know!
Thanks for the input, Serenity!
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