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 Posted: Sat May 15, 2010 1:05 am
I have just been in a complete, mental, and repetitive rut for months. Due to stuff that has happened in the past while which I really don't want to bring up again. My little fear of very populated public places has been expanded greatly, making me a complete mess in places like Bus Stations or Malls, stuff like that. I have a little bit of an antisocial streak about me, though keeping to myself has been my usual pattern all my life, so that makes friends and a job incredibly hard to find. In general, the people around me have really been grating, Some friends have pushed me to the point of wanting to angrily talk sense into them, or stuff of that sort, and my Father even wears thin at times.
My first though is, due to stuff happening and numerous factors leaving me out of school and without a job, with essentially 2 friends in all of Toronto that I can really be with to kill days, and in general make me a lot healthier and make me feel not like a waste of space. I spend the majority of my time in my apartment, locked away, not necessarily always in front of a TV or PC just...stuck in here.
If any of you remember my other thread in this sub forum, which is just a few down the page, I mentioned that a friend(at the time) flat out lied to me, claiming to be somebody who she was not, inventing a name, life story, pictures somehow and just made me walk into this idiotic trap, and it just hit me hard, and I have not been able to re-gain any confidence, either for me, my abilities, my looks anything, everything just was sapped to zero. While I am over for the most part, not feeling any trust with that friend and essentially cutting ties with her and the thought somebody doing that sickens me, it no longer strikes a nerve, though take that as you will because it did definitely effect my self esteem.
All of this stuff here...I just really feel like nothing. I have looked for a job for a year with no success *(I guess that an 18 year old who is out of school is not a good employee choice) my friends have been cutting ties with me for being hopeless in the sense of me just almost giving up. I mean, going to school just made my already stressed out head worse, cause panic attacks made me sicker than I usually am and I just can't see going back right now. The thought of finding friends any other way just seems to me as impossible, all of the friends I have met here are either by way of school (Which I have an awful track record in terms of good friends) and friends of these friends, which usually are the deeper bond, though I have failed on that street too lately. Making friends myself has never been a strong suit.
whatever, before I ramble everyone out of this thread... just how are some ways to pass some of these bumps, some ways to cool down in terms of getting so on edge that nearly everything annoys, and as much as I can't believe I am saying this but just not seem like a cynical waste of time to other people. I am just sick and tired of waking up in my room, and just waiting until I am tired enough to sleep every day with minimal enjoyment, interaction with people and absolutely no point aside wasting space. I guess Depression does a lot of this, but I am just so sick of being nothing.
Anyone who read that all I really thank you, and any responses would be just adored.
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Posted: Sat May 15, 2010 12:33 pm
You sound a lot like me. When I was a bit younger, I would refuse to go hang with my friends often, because I just didn't want to. Still now I'm not super social, but I'm better than I use to be. I get out and do stuff more often and just today, I did a major over haul of my room, hahah. So, now that I'm a bit older, but still feel the way you do. If a friend offers to hang out, I take it, even when I don't want to. There are other things you could do to make the stress less. You could walk about the less crowded parts of town, breath in and out and think of good thoughts.
You could play video games or board games with friends&family. Perhaps have some beer once in awhile or a few joints here and there? The list of things you can do are endless. Have you ever thought of perhaps asking a fine lady friend out, I know some people seem new and fresh when they are in a relationship.
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Posted: Sat May 15, 2010 2:20 pm
Valgex You sound a lot like me. When I was a bit younger, I would refuse to go hang with my friends often, because I just didn't want to. Still now I'm not super social, but I'm better than I use to be. I get out and do stuff more often and just today, I did a major over haul of my room, hahah. So, now that I'm a bit older, but still feel the way you do. If a friend offers to hang out, I take it, even when I don't want to. There are other things you could do to make the stress less. You could walk about the less crowded parts of town, breath in and out and think of good thoughts. You could play video games or board games with friends&family. Perhaps have some beer once in awhile or a few joints here and there? The list of things you can do are endless. Have you ever thought of perhaps asking a fine lady friend out, I know some people seem new and fresh when they are in a relationship. In terms of Beer and other things, that is really not for me, though fair suggestion all together. Yeah I used to get invites from friends all the time, and I took them, but as we grew older, time grew much more precious and far apart. As for the asking a fine lady friend out...well, I have crashed and burned on that one when I tried. As for lowering stress and such, I really have no idea how to at this point, I have been trying for years to calm down and be less stressed out, but my winning combo has yet to be realised.
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