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 Posted: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:04 am
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Posted: Mon May 03, 2010 11:13 am
Dwight Schrute: Do you ever watch Battlestar Galactica?
Guest: No.
Dwight Schrute: 'No.' Then you are an idiot.
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Adam Worth The Thief Vice Captain
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Adam Worth The Thief Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon May 03, 2010 11:15 am
Andy: [walks into the office dressed as a beet farmer and whistling] I thought I'd come in casual today. Man I'm hungry. Anyone else feel like a beet?
Dwight Schrute: Where did you get those?
Andy: What these? [tosses Dwight a beet] Bernard Farms. Best beets in the state.
Dwight Schrute: I see what you are doing. But I do not know where you're going with this.
Andy: Well you will. As soon as you visit my new beet farm. [tries desperately to bite into a beet] You're supposed to cook these aren't you?
Dwight Schrute: [scoffs] Cornell. [bites into a beet like an apple]
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Posted: Tue May 04, 2010 12:33 pm
[looking at the sun]
Dwight Schrute: I'm gonna say thirty.
Ralph: Ah, forty. Insect repellent, which we clearly need, reduces the effectiveness of SPF.
Dwight Schrute: Good point but, thought of that already. [takes out container from trunk] Combination SPF, repellent.
Ralph: Whoa. Homemade?
Dwight Schrute: Of course. You think the EPA would ever allow that much DEET?
[both laugh]
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Posted: Tue May 04, 2010 12:35 pm
Andy Bernard: Oh. By the way, 1985 called and it wants its car back.
Dwight Schrute: Well I hope 1985 has a time machine because I drive an '87.
Andy Bernard: Oh, speaking of time machines, I just got back from the future and I went to your funeral and guess what. Nobody came.
Dwight Schrute: Speaking of funerals, why don't you go ahead and go die.
Andy Bernard: Oh, that was a really well constructed sentence. You should be an English professor at Cor-not University.
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Posted: Tue May 04, 2010 12:36 pm
Dwight Schrute: It appears that the website has become alive. This happens to computers and robots sometimes. Am I scared of a stupid computer? Please. The computer should be scared of me. I have been salesman of the month for 13 of the last 12 months. You heard me right. I did so well last February that Corporate gave me two plaques in lieu of a pay raise.
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Posted: Tue May 04, 2010 12:37 pm
Dwight Schrute: I can untie any knot. I'm serious. Name a knot. Any knot. Go ahead.
Woman: I believe you.
Dwight Schrute: You shouldn't believe everything you hear. In fact there are many knots that I cannot untie.
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Posted: Tue May 04, 2010 12:38 pm
Jim Halpert: After you sir.
Dwight Schrute: No thank you. I never let anyone walk behind me. Seven out of ten attacks are from the rear.
Jim Halpert: Okay, well that still leaves a 30% chance that I'll attack you from the front.
Dwight Schrute: Uh, yeah but it'll be easier to stop. I can always block the blow, I can counter it.-- [Jim slaps Dwight, then walks away.]
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Posted: Tue May 04, 2010 12:39 pm
Dwight Schrute: What's the plan?
Michael Scott: Go to New York, confront the CFO, show him he's making a mistake, save the branch.
Dwight Schrute: Can I drive?
Michael Scott: No way.
Dwight Schrute: Shotgun!
Michael Scott: No. There's no one else.
Dwight Schrute: Still.
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Posted: Tue May 04, 2010 12:40 pm
Dwight Schrute: When I was in the 6th grade I was a finalist in our school spelling bee. It was me against Raj Patel. I mispelled, in front of the entire school, the word 'failure'.
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Posted: Tue May 04, 2010 12:41 pm
Michael Scott: [as Dwight is smothering Michael's hair with peanut butter] Smells good!
Dwight Schrute: Tastes good too.
Michael Scott: Oh, don't. That's disgusting.
Dwight Schrute: A lot of calories.
Michael Scott: Well don't leave it on too long.
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Posted: Tue May 04, 2010 12:42 pm
Dwight Schrute: How would I describe myself? Three words: hard working, alpha male, jack hammer. Merciless. Insatiable.
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Posted: Tue May 04, 2010 12:43 pm
David Wallace: Dwight come on now it's time to put in the subs.
Charles Miner: Yeah it looks like Pam won't make it back.
Dwight Schrute: Okay. Fine.
Charles Miner: Alright! Come on.
Dwight Schrute: Except you know what? It's not fine. How many people, need to get hurt before we learn a valuable lesson? One? Two? Three? Four?
Charles Miner: Dwight...
Dwight Schrute: No, no, hear me out. Five. Six?
David Wallace: Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: Seven? Can I finish please?
David Wallace: Okay.
Dwight Schrute: Eight?
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Posted: Tue May 04, 2010 12:44 pm
Dwight Schrute: Excuse me. May I have your attention, please. There has been an accident on 84-West. Cars have skidded off the road into the safety railing. Several cars have flipped. There is broken glass everywhere. Several people are injured.
Pam Beesly: Do we know anyone who was in the accident?
Dwight Schrute: Brad Pitt. Also, there will be no bonuses.
Stanley: Why would this affect our bonuses?
Dwight Schrute: They are unrelated.
Kelly: Is Brad ok?
Dwight Schrute: He will never act again. Also, this branch is closing.
Oscar: What the hell's going on here?
Angela: Are we out of jobs?
Dwight Schrute: Yes.
Kelly: This is karma because of what he did to Jennifer Anniston.
Michael Scott: He was kidding. Dwight was kidding and I don't know why because it wasn't funny and was, just, horrible.
Stanley: Michael, you said we were getting bonuses.
Michael Scott: Alright, everybody in the conference room now. Let's go. Let's do it.
Stanley: [into phone] Cancel the wallpaper.
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