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 Posted: Sat Apr 17, 2010 5:50 am
To be honest, I'm unable to be what people call 'normal' in real life. I'm beginning to seriously NOT understand the psychology behind them, let alone know what they're talking about. I know I am weird asking this...
How do you be normal, anyway?
I can't be what they call normal because I just don't feel right. "Normal people love watching movies." I don't really. Err, Anime? xD I like Anime.
"Normal people love playing games rather than studying." But... But... I love my astrophysics, chemistry, biology, astronomy and history. T-T I'd rather study those than go play their stupid games. );<
"Normal people don't use big words and don't think before saying anything." Really? Honestly? I didn't know that. Dx I still talk like as if I'm reading a book on my dialogues.
... Are those really true, or are they telling me lies? Am I really that abnormal? I know that there's several traits of me that are considered strange, but...
I'm completely NOT SURE AS TO HOW TO BECOME WHAT THEY CALL 'NORMAL' in real life. D;< Do I have a mental disorder or something?!
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Posted: Sat Apr 17, 2010 8:14 am
I define normal as what is most usual in your life x3
By the way, I like anime =3
Big words are fun <.<
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Posted: Sat Apr 17, 2010 11:18 am
I think it's better to be unusual. Way more fun that way. You don't have a mental disorder. It's actually more normal to be abnormal, if that makes any sense.
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Posted: Sat Apr 17, 2010 11:21 am
First of all it is society which defines what it normal and what isn't normal. Go to some completely different nation and you will quickly learn that some of what they consider normal would be considered insane in the states.
Normality is only defined by the society in which you live in, and you know what? I don't think they have any right to do that.
Also, what you consider normal.... normal people consider idiotic. Just a friendly FYI for you.
Normal people are social, normal people conform to society, normal people grow up to get married and have 2.5 children and strive to own a house and a car and have a satisfying career. That is our society's normal. Everything else is a margin of gray.
However... to be bluntly honest... what you've described as normal would be someone I (who does have multiple mental disorders and is currently undergoing treatment to learn how to control, not abolish, them.) as well as every 'normal' person out there would describe as an extremely immature, lazy, and probably not very intelligent person. Not normal, and not wanted in a productive society. Those are the people who will end up flipping burgers for my a** when they become worthless little adults.
Now, you do not have a mental disorder. I can tell you this right now, and I'll describe mine so that you feel a little better.
My psychologist thinks I am at risk for multiple personality disorder because I often have episodes in which I will live an entire day, weeks, and sometimes months that I simply do not remember. Most of the episodes are small right now however, and only grow worse under stress. Usually I just remember nothing of something that I've written, and my handwriting noticeably changes during those episodes. (Which could actually point more to Schizophrenia but most women don't develop that until they are older than I am right now, and my symptoms aren't debilitating because I've yet missed anything extremely serious and I don't do anything harmful during those periods anymore.)
I definitely have bipolar disorder, and in me it simply manifests itself as periods of either extreme depression or extreme happiness. My emotional states are basically always extreme, and instead of medication (because the medication for it would interfere with my last two mental disorders) I deal with it through different exercises. First of all I keep an extremely detailed notebook, and second of all I keep 'mood charts'.
I also definitely have borderline disorder. Now when most people think of this they think of someone who will harm themselves for attention or whatever. In my case I'm simply effected by things differently than other people, and it isn't so much a 'mental' disorder as I 'learned' how to handle things wrong because of my childhood. (I was sexually abused by my father and gang raped again in middle school) So basically little tiny things can make me go into a panic, and large things don't effect me at all; as well as numerous other things, like I don't know how to handle my emotions as well as other people.
Finally, and we haven't put a name on this one yet because it has symptoms from multiple other things but it has been known I have this problem since the time I was just a young child. My mind works too fast and too hectically and often times I cannot control what I'm thinking or even clear my head enough to figure out what I'm thinking. When I was in elementary school they wanted to put me on some type of mental depressor to slow my mind, but my mother refused to let them do that. Now for the most part I've learned to live with it, and didn't even realize anything was wrong with me until I started talking to a few friends and my psychologist about it. Apparently people's minds aren't supposed to work like this. It only becomes unbearable during times of extreme stress, I actually had an episode last night and eventually I blacked out from it because it was that bad and I couldn't find any of my normal self-medication. (so if you're reading this Cameron, I'm so sorry... I don't remember anything at all past me getting sick and when you get on later you're going to have to fill me in...) It's also extremely hard to explain this to people who don't actually experience it themselves... I basically always have 'noise' going on in my mind and it's always been hard to focus because of it. I wouldn't call them 'voices' because I can't understand any of it any of the time, and my thought process is in general too fast for me. A lame example (and it's not quite like this but it gets the point across) is like normal people go from A to B. My mind goes from A to Z to W to B to C to F to I to M to 143 without me being able to actually focus and control it; and it's always worked like that (normally I can deal with it unless I'm extremely stressed at that given point in time, because the stress feeds my borderline issues as well... so my mind becomes hectic and I become overly emotional and literally just break down). That would be by far my most debilitating disorder, but I have a few nifty little ways to handle it. First of all and the most helpful is alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant and it slows down my mind and makes all the unintelligible background noise stop. It doesn't take much to do this at all, and I've never allowed myself to get drunk. I only drink enough to be able to think clearly, and I only resort to this when it's extremely bad. Second of all, and my least favorite of my methods, is taking extremely powerful pain medication or anything that makes you 'drowsy'. For some reason I can't explain instead of knocking me out it calms me down and slows my mind down, however the side effects are never worth it; because I'm not taking it because I'm 'sick' I always end up getting extremely ill after wards. I've only resorted to this twice; first time was when I was dealing with my ex and his mother called to insult me and I had to be happy at my little sister's birthday party, second time was when I was dealing with my most recent ex and I know I can't talk to him when I'm not 'normal' because he makes all my symptoms worse. (Instead of being calm and logical like people are supposed to be when I'm in a bad state of mind he becomes more irrational than me and fights back, making me that much more stressed and that much more irrational. He sometimes even got so bad he'd sit there and insult me while I'm having an episode for whatever reason, which makes me far worse and ends up making the episode last for weeks instead of just the normal hours. For example if he promised me to come over and see me that day, and I hear nothing from him and he basically disappears I handle that extremely badly and the next day I'll text him asking what happened... instead of being a normal person and trying to calm my fears and reassure me everything was okay... he'd usually tell me to ******** off he was busy doing something. Of course then I'd think he was with a girl, side effect of having too many guys cheat on me while dealing with too many mental disorders of my own, and if I'd casually ask him 'Where you with someone else?' he would say something like 'It doesn't matter' which would confirm my fears in my head and by then my emotions would be too high and strained to be irrational anymore. We would then get into a fight and before I ever figure out why I didn't get to see him he would call me every insult under the sun and basically make my mental orders act up enough to make my life a living hell. The thing is we talked about it, and he knew about all my issues, and he was taught how to handle me when I get like that... and still it kept happening, over and over and over and over and over again and eventually it just became unbearable. Being around him makes me feel like I have a mental disorder, when normally I feel fine.) Finally, and the absolute hardest method to control my mind... is I write. This is so hard because usually when I tell myself "I need to calm down..." it's too late and I've already become too irrational to sit myself down and write. This change from 'bearable thought process' to 'unbearable thought process' can happen in a span of seconds. Last night I went from completely fine and controllable to a wreck crying on my bathroom floor sick all because of 15 seconds I saw of a video. That's all it takes, and when it happens that fast it's impossible for me to calm myself down enough to go write unless I have someone there helping me calm myself. (Which is actually surprisingly easy if you just try and don't become irrational or agitated with me. If I think I'm annoying you or agitating you or you're mad at me or done putting up with me then I only get worse.)
Those are mental disorders. Not wanting to fail in life is not a mental disorder.
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Posted: Fri Apr 30, 2010 5:08 pm
@ irodoshi: you are normal by my standards. freakishly normal. you sound like most of my friends. at least you don't have some of my ummmmmm... how do i put this... 'talents' :/
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Posted: Fri Apr 30, 2010 5:13 pm
@ kaorisai:
wow, you must be one strong person to handle all of that in your life. i must admit in some ways i really do admire you.
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