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A Freaking Critique (Twekie Part I)

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akela9
Crew

PostPosted: Sun Apr 11, 2010 9:26 pm


A Short Essay for and Inspired by Lyssa:

"A Freaking Critique On The Theological Implications Of The Tweekie."

The first question that comes to mind is... What exactly IS a Tweekie? Is it a distant cousin to the Twinkie? Is it someone who does lots of stimulants? Is it a magical creature that lives under a mushroom? Can a Tweekie help one estimate the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

According to Urban Dictionary, a "tweekie" is an endearing term for a woman's... Erm... Nether regions. As in, "When a man has intercourse with a woman he sticks his (p***s) in her tweekie."

Charming.

But that seems much too easy a cop-out, don't you think? There has to be... A higher, more spiritual reason for the existence of the Tweekie. Or at least an MBR...

(More Better Reason.)

So let's try to find this elusive Tweekie, together.

[This week's assignment is to create an image of what "Tweekie" means to you... A doodle, a photo, a random web image. At this point, I don't care.]

I just want to see your Tweekie.
PostPosted: Mon Apr 19, 2010 7:34 am


[url=http://i64.photobucket.com/albums/h182/motouarashi/CtBA/Aislin_bain.jpg][imgleft]http://i64.photobucket.com/albums/h182/motouarashi/CtBA/Aislin_bain-1.jpg[/imgleft][/url][i][b][size=13]Nicole Collins,[/size][/b] [size=11]the Nurse[/size][/i] [color=darkgray][size=9]:: [b]Atiri-the-Thief [/b]::[/size][/color] [size=9][color=#7777EE][b]Gender:[/b][/color] Female [color=#7777EE][b]Age:[/b][/color] 30 years [color=#7777EE][b]Birthday:[/b][/color] February 11th [color=#7777EE][b]Birthplace:[/b][/color] Sion, Valais, Switzerland [color=#7777EE][b]Family:[/b][/color] Father: Norbert Collins [50], Mother: Florence Collins née Lushington [48], Widowed Aunt: Renae de Thorn née Collins [38][/size] [color=white][size=3]--[/size][/color] [size=10][color=#7777EE][b]Talents:[/b][/color][list]Nicole is a good at baking, and finds it highly relaxing. She can cook other things passably well, but baking is her preferred method of cooking . On occasion she has been found with flour or other baking ingredient in her hair, or on her hands, or perhaps discoloring her clothing. Some might say this makes her seem unclean, but this is only during her leisure time. She has been working at bedsides for as long as she can remember. Needless to say, Nicole’s bedside manner is impeccable. She has a very calming demeanor, and is good with diagnosing medical issues, and treating them. She can treat physical ailments, and some mental ones. Nicole has a generally affable nature. People tend to like her, and she knows how to put them at ease. She has quite a bit of patience, and tends to look on the bright side of things. She is a connoisseur of three things- chocolate, cheese, and wine. This is because of the area in which she grew up, she had access to the fine levels of each of these. When she came to Paris, she grew to love the French wine and cheese as well. [/list] [color=#7777EE][b]Vices:[/b][/color] [list] Little to no musical talent. Ironically, perhaps, Nicole cannot dance. She can pretend, perhaps, but she is ridiculously clumsy as soon as the music gets complex. Her partner’s feet are like to be sore after the song is played. Singing comes a bit easier. Other than an extensive knowledge of lullabies which she mostly hums, but will sing softly, Nicole knows little else in regards to music. Unless Nicole is paying the utmost attention to something, she tends to be unobservant. Unless she is supposed to be paying attention to something, she normally won’t notice it. Perhaps it is just so much on her mind. Perhaps it is that she doesn’t want to notice some things. Nicole doesn’t like to think about dark side of things. In a way, she gets depressed easily when she thinks about depressing things, or the dark side of people. It makes her a bit childish, in a way. Some people tend to shelter her from the cold hard facts because a depressed Nicole is not a good thing to see. For someone who is normally a calm source of sunshine, seeing her eclipsed over can be problematic. Nicole has difficulty staying on one task for too long. She needs to change tasks frequently. While this is alright in situations like babysitting Elise, she can still get very restless and have to change tasks after too long. [/list] [color=#7777EE][b]Personality:[/b][/color] [list] Normally, one would think (correctly) that Nicole was a fairly sedate person. There is a kind nature to her features. Her red hair seems to imply that perhaps her personality would be fiery and passionate- this is true, but there is not much of a temper about Nicole. If angered, indeed, one will see it prominently displayed. Nicole does hold grudges long and hard, but most often only after a major slight. In this way, one can call the lady moody. Nicole puts a great deal of trust in the people she calls her friends, or closer. If that trust is violated, she has been known to sulk, her normally quietly sunny disposition is reduced to a simmering silence that at any moment is prone to explode. It is rare to hear her yelling, that much is true. But woe betide the person who prompts her into doing so. Mlle. Collins is very aware of the needs of others. Her mind is almost always pointed in that direction. She actually enjoys keeping good company, and most people view her as a particularly friendly person. It is interesting that while few people have a bad opinion of her, few have particularly good opinions of her either. She has few that are truly friends, instead she has a collection of people that she is on pleasant terms with. However, there are times when Nicole feels the need to just have some alone time. This is often accomplished through either going to her Aunt’s house and commandeering the kitchen for a while, relaxing in a park, or even just barricading herself in her quarters. Of course, this can only be done when Elise is in the care of others. It is recharge time for Nicole. In this time, she tends to want to read, or perhaps just otherwise relax. Baking is, of course, her preferred method to relax (And she can give away parts of it afterwards to! Bonus!) Nicole has a very tolerant mind, in most cases. She gives everyone the benefit of the doubt in a way. She understands that even if she doesn’t agree, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. She is prone to ladylike behavior, due to her training of nearly 12 years with her aunt. Being sick didn’t stop her from forcing her to relearn good posture, proper manners, and over all instilling court worthy, ladylike behavior into the eighteen year old. Luckily, Nicole was a malleable student. She can run a proper conversation, and knows her proper manners. She tries to temper her personality down a little. She tries to avoid gossiping, at least in public places. Nicole’s biggest failing would probably be that she tends to glaze over some facts. The history of some people, she will ignore, in favor of judging their current actions. This practically sets her up to be burned. She also places a great deal of trust in others, almost with very little. As much as she respects others opinions, Nicole rarely changes her own. As patient as she is, she doesn’t like to stay at a single task too long, often ready to hop along and do something else. Plodding along doesn’t suit her. She also tends to be tiny bit scatter brained occasionally- Never if it effects anyone else, but she’ll often forget to do things for herself. [/list] [color=#7777EE][b]History:[/b][/color] [list]An interesting tale, but not exactly the most exciting. Not a lot of drama here, to be frank. Nicole was born to Norbert and Florence Collins. Due to medical complications, she was their only child. But, it didn’t seem to put a damper on their life any. But let us backtrack a bit, shall we? Most people have heard of Florence Nightingale, correct? Well, her aunt Mary, had a cousin, by the name of Beatrice, who married a man by the name of Lushington. A man of title, we’ll note. They had a daughter who they named after their famous cousin, Florence. Florence Lushington married a man by the name of Norbert Collins. That would get the basics of geneaology out of the way. This makes Nicole something of a third cousin to Nightingale herself. Not that she thinks much about it. In fact, the only reason it is even mentioned will come later in this tale. Florence and Norbert were humanitarian enthusiasts. They loved the idea of helping people. They noted that there was a great collection of humanitarianists in Switzerland, and migrated there, finding a place in Sion, Valais Switzerland, in need of two people with medical inclinations. They took their young daughter of 11 with them. And so, the British girl with a bit of Irish ancestry on her Father’s side was all but raised in Switzerland. She grew to love the culture there, and picked up both French and the nearby German quickly. She helped her family when she could, and spent most of her time by their side, learning. She was a ray of sunshine to patients. A child, even if it was a girl of twelve nearby, seemed to improve patient's moods. Her parents certainly didn’t stop her. Nicole came to idolize her third cousin, Florence Nightingale. It was what spurred her on to become a nurse more professionally. By the time Nicole was seventeen, she was fully qualified, but still felt she had much to learn. Her opportunity to strike out on her own came a year later when her father’s younger sister fell ill. Nicole leapt on the chance, and moved to where else but Paris? Renae deThorn was a fair noble in the city of Paris, who was caught in a disease that weakened her greatly. She was too proud to take help from any other source- Like Nicole, Renae had the orange hair of Gaelic ancestry, as well. It suited her personality like a glove. This pride was what kept her from accepting a perhaps more quality doctor, and was what turned into a great opportunity for Nicole. Nicole loved Paris, and grew to feel quite fondly of her aunt. The worst of her Renae’s condition passed about eight years ago, but Nicole stayed on with her out of love for the woman's company, and for the city itself. Renae tried to instill court life on her niece, but Nicole turned out to be horrible at dancing. Undeterred, Renae continued the education. Holding decent conversations was much easier for Nicole, so, she tolerated court life as long as she wasn’t expected to dance. The widowed Renae grew nervous as Nicole began toapproach thirty and had not wed. This job offer, with Dr. Barye, was a life saver to them both. Nicole got a change of pace, with new tutelage in a way, and, because of her association with Monsieur Mesmer forthwith, appeased her aunt's worry. Nicole is half giddy with delight, honestly. She finds that babysitting Elise, though it wasn’t part of her job description, brings out her a bit of the maternity instincts she’s missed out on so far in her life. Between that, William, and an excellent job, Nicole is literally having the time of her life. Days at the opera, helping others, a Parisian romance? What more of a life could a woman want? For the most part, this drama is entirely over her head. She tends to ignore stuff like that, after all. [/list][/size]

Rilriia Kilurden
Captain

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akela9
Crew

PostPosted: Mon Apr 19, 2010 8:03 pm


But... But... BUT... I wanted to see TWEEKIES.

Twinkies are good, too, though. *lol*

***

(And what you said is so on my profile. So no phone excuses. I have it in print. mrgreen )
PostPosted: Mon Apr 19, 2010 8:07 pm


I am adamant it was on the phone and that my evil nemesis twin with poor spelling and overall hygiene and education did it.

Yup, mmm hmmmm... That's it. ninja

Rilriia Kilurden
Captain

5,350 Points
  • Contributor 150
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Fkn Brian
Crew

PostPosted: Wed Apr 21, 2010 12:40 pm


wait... so this is a vag contest? the hell have I been missing??
PostPosted: Fri Apr 23, 2010 5:42 pm


Brian?? BRIAN??

IS IT REALLY YOU??

OMG, MAN! Please tell me you're going to check in once in a blue moon. I'm SOOOOOO GLAD YOU'RE ALIVE!! I've been worried about you since Christmas, ffs.

YOU OWE US BIG TIME. Lifetime of indentured servitude, at the very least. Get on it. wink

Miss you... Know life is crazy... It's crazy for EVERYONE, but at least pop on and say "hi" once in awhile... And really, mate... Unless you sell the guild... We're pretty screwed without you. And I don't WANT you to sell the guild. I want you to come back and play with us.

And I TOTALLY want to see your tweekie, man. Like... Right now. blaugh

akela9
Crew


Fkn Brian
Crew

PostPosted: Tue May 11, 2010 6:45 pm


Sorry I've neglected you all for so long. Things have been hectic and now I've got a new job and it basically takes up my entire day, every day, all week. I love it though! I don't get much time for anything but I'll try and hop on here on my nights off if I can. Did you just say you wanted to see my vag?
PostPosted: Fri May 21, 2010 8:11 pm


Bri... I know you don't have a vag... But you might have a tweekie. *lol*

akela9
Crew


Fkn Brian
Crew

PostPosted: Mon Jun 07, 2010 4:09 am


If this is some ploy to get me naked.. it's going to take a lot more than that. I like beer for one. And cookies.
Reply
The Starving Uninspired Artists Guild

 
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