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 Posted: Sun Apr 04, 2010 5:18 pm
Ok, Utterly random story, which I have no clue of the direction it's going to go. R&R, feel free to flame.
Chapter 1
“Once upon a Flutterby”
“A Flutterby?”
“A Flutterby”
“O-K...”
“Ahem- Once upon a Flutterby, there lived...”
“Ooh, let me guess... A Beautiful Maiden”
“A young lady who was neither dark nor fair, but somewhere in-between.”
“Was she put upon by her evil step-sisters? Or cursed to sleep for one hundred years? Oh, I know! She lived with seven little men”
“I beg to differ”
“Well what then?”
“If you’d stop interrupting me, you’d know”
“Well...”
“Well indeed, I dare say it is very well.”
“Yes, yes, but what of this story?”
“Oh, Alright. Ahem- Once upon a Flutterby, there lived a young lady...”
Sarah Jane Bennet was at the awkward stage in life, where everything made sense because it didn’t. Not that it mattered of course, thought she whilst she examined a wayward caterpillar, whether or not anything made sense; it was the way it was supposed to be.
The caterpillar, on the other hand, looked decidedly lost, she thought, deciding that it didn’t matter what she thought about things making sense or not. Sarah watched it for a few moments longer then gently picked it up and placed it on a larger and decidedly greener leaf. Well done, it seemed to say as it gathered it’s bearings. She nodded once in acknowledgement and sighed, her thoughts wandering from subject to subject, seemingly reluctant to remain on one for more than a few moments. Well, I suppose.. And if teacher says... but what if... and I suppose I’d better... he is rather. And so they continued until she broke herself away from the tangled web of thought and noticed that the sun was well on its way to setting.
“Well, I suppose I’d better get home” she stated to the caterpillar, who had remained her silent companion throughout the afternoon. Yes, I suppose so, It seemed to reply, and promptly curled around to nibbled on a different leaf.
Sarah, after attempting to get up, rubbed her leg to get rid of the heavy numbness that had set in after having her weight on it for an afternoon, and then, deciding that she could walk off the pins and needles, proceeded to stand and walk down the faint dirt path that led away from the valley and towards home.
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Posted: Thu Apr 08, 2010 4:09 pm
I liked the first part, but I think that it was mostly because I wrote something similar once. Or, at least, it would have been similar if it was about an adult telling a child a story. We had to do an excersise in my creative writing class where we brought a photo from home and made up a story about it. I had used an old pic of my mother, sister and I at Universal Studies, from the time they still had the King Kong ride. We were standing in King Kong's huge fist and pretending to be screaming. The story I wrote was about a grandfather's telling of a story to his grandson about how he'd saved his family (us in the pic) from King Kong. But the kid kept interrupting with questions like "Did Superman come?" or "Then Iron Man came, right?" So, it actually tickled me to read the beginning of your piece, and I was very interested. Then the other part came...
It's like two different story-starters placed on the same page, but, other than that, they have nothing to do with each other. Truthfully, I lost interest after that. I'm sure this doesn't help much, but if you want my opinion, you should continue the first one. wink If you don't have any ideas to carry it, you can start it out as if you were trying to rewrite or redefine the Princess story. Make the next "The Never Ending Story"/"The Princess Bride," or "Cinderella"/"Dune" for your own unique fairytale. That was a suggestion in a book I read once. To take a story already out there and remake it in your own way, to get some creative juices flowing. The piece you have can be the start of a telling of the story that you invent about your 'young lady' and you can make the 'flutterby' bit an important element in your story to bring the reader back to the peculiar word. That's what I'd do anyway 3nodding .
Just a suggestion...
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Posted: Sun Nov 21, 2010 11:24 am
AHA THIS IS VERY INTERESTING. I like the beginning in the italics. When I started reading the second part, my eyes started flitting everywhere. That's probably what I get for reading stories online through all of Sunday. Lol. I think the first past is hilarious and you should totally write it!
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