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 Posted: Sun Mar 28, 2010 10:16 am
It's hard work, you all know it.
I've gotten a lot better at not judging other people on their size, and I'm good at getting indignant when people fat-hate in front of me (yes, I'm including situations when "in front of me" means "on the tv, which is in front of me"). I'm doing ok at not assigning a value to my own size - like, I may have gained or lost weight, but that's not "bad" or "good" in and of itself, and I'm not a worse or better person because of it. Not perfect, though. And I'm still noticing and caring whether I'm over some imaginary line at a specific weight. I've got it in my head that that's the line I must not cross (while still managing not to add "... because that makes me a BAD PERSON," so at least that's progress) and when my weight crosses it, I get unhappy about it.
Well, it's been across that line for nearly all of this month. It's rough right now. I'm simultaneously beating myself up for having put on a bit of weight (or not having lost it) and beating myself up for caring. I haven't lost any friends because of it. My husband still thinks I'm a babe. I still rock the s**t out of my job. A couple of pairs of jeans are a bit on the tight side now, is basically the only real consequence. But in my head, alarm bells are clanging all over the place all the time, and it's just driving me nuts.
I just thought if there's anyone who'd understand how tough this is sometimes, it's you guys. I hesitated to make a new thread because OH MY GOD, MY OWN PERSONAL FAT a** IS SO IMPORTANT, but it isn't really a rant or any other thing that's covered - so, y'know, if you're having to steel yourself to face the day lately, we can commiserate.
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Posted: Sun Mar 28, 2010 7:01 pm
Okay, so I have a killer headache today, so not sure how good my reading comprehension is at the moment, but I'm giving this a go...
It sounds like the only real trouble is the titch of tightness in your jeans reminding you of the "crossing of the line." If I were in your shoes jeans, I would go to the thrift store and a buy a new pair or two that fit me better. That way, it'd be a lot easier to forget the constant fat-hating alarm bell in my head because I wouldn't be worrying about how I should just lose a few of those pounds to be able to squeeze back into these...
Then you can put on a jeans fashion show for your still-adoring husband! :P
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Posted: Thu Aug 26, 2010 8:04 pm
I know how that goes. Luckily we were blessed with men who still loves us and find us sexy heart I turn to my Husband and he always knows what to say. After all that's all that matters right?
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Posted: Sat Aug 28, 2010 11:51 am
I'm going through the same thing, and since I'm just a sophomore in college, it seems that I can't give anything to this conversation. ^^;;
But thank you so much for sharing. I felt like I was the only one who said, "DOWN WITH ALL FAT SHAMERS!" and thought, "I shouldn't eat that, I need to work out, Must lessen my waist size," about me and me only.
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Posted: Sat Aug 28, 2010 3:37 pm
I encourage everyone to make a thread about their own special fat a** if they feel the need. wink
Gah, I hear ya. In my head, only up to a certain size is ok for me. Anything else is outside my setpoint and wrongitywrongwrong of wrongsville. Note to self: murder little fat-shaming voice in my head.
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Posted: Sat Aug 28, 2010 4:24 pm
... and my fat a** is certainly special! La la la! rofl
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