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 Posted: Wed Mar 24, 2010 1:35 am
(my first thread here. yay!)
i have always been a large woman. i was 290lbs in 6th grade and havnt changed much since than. as you can imagine, i have always had issues with my appearance. after i finished removing all the mirrors from my life i was able to cope more. most days i am ok with who i am, regardless of the morbidly obese tag that haunts my medical file or the opinions that others form of me. but lately it has been getting harder and harder to deal with this. i have tried every diet under the sun and never lose more than 5 lbs, which come back right away.
well lately my faience has been so focused on his appearance. he has put himself on a crash diet and so on. i know he wants to be physically fit and good looking and i know he can do it. but i worry that he will turn this loathing of fat towards me. i am worried that he will not see me in the same light once he accomplishes his goal.
this is causing me great distress and a lot of self loathing right now and im not really sure what to do or how to remedy my problem.
i think this is the only place i can turn to wear i wont be judged so much...
any advice would be appreciated.
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Posted: Sat Mar 27, 2010 6:06 pm
So sorry noone's gotten back to you on this yet! Thanks for posting.
I'm not quite sure where to start, so I'll just dive in; if your fiance has put himself on a crash diet, this isn't going to improve his health in any way. Diets don't work and most likely will cause him to regain any lost weight and then some once he stops starving himself. sad If he wants to become fit, excersize is the way to go, especially cardio and weight training. He might lose some weight or inches, but that's not the point; he'll become healthier.
As for your fear of him turning his negativity towards you, if he does, remember that you've lived the way you have, in the body you've had, way longer than his negativity. If he starts attacking you for who you are and how you look, you may want to seriously reconsider the marriage. Imagine if suddenly tomorrow you became injured and unable to walk, have sex or work; would he still love you and support you? Some guys will walk away from a woman who is fat and can't or wont lose weight because they're shallow bastards. I hope you man isn't like this.
Can anyone else offer advice or an opinion?
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Posted: Sun Mar 28, 2010 7:04 pm
The only thing I can think of is sitting down to talk with the fiance about attitudes towards fat and appearance and attraction and health... And maybe look jointly into the fat acceptance movement (like that Junkfood Science website or the Fat Nutritionist) to know that there are ways to become healthy without obsessing over weight.
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