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 Posted: Sun Mar 21, 2010 6:12 pm
These Awful Changes
Everyone around me
has become somebody else.
You've never been this way.
Or at lest, not until you changed.
You once cared about me.
But that was only once upon a time.
Maybe I took for granted
the days before the change.
Those ones spent beside the trees
and in the grass
and looking at the stars and into your eyes.
But perhaps it was you who took me for granted.
After all, you left me like you did.
You exited out that door
with your changes
and here I remained.
Left with nothing but a suitcase,
a suitcase full of your former self,
feeling confused and cold and heartbroken.
Is there a way to get the who that you were back?
To reverse these changes that kill me inside?
Changes, changes.
These awful changes.
Everyone around me
has become somebody else.
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Posted: Fri May 07, 2010 11:27 pm
This I like. My appologies that I didn't read it sooner, and that no one else has written something on it. I enjoyed this.
There are of course places you could clean up a little, make it flow just a bit better, one line that sticks out is "/But perhaps it was you who took me for granted." And you may want to reconsider line length, but over all, it moved wonderfully.
I know it seems to be more serious of a poem, but it made me light hearted. The style, and how it just feels like a gifted journal entry that flowed from line to line, was nice.
I did not like the feel of the last line, compared to the rest of the poem, it seemed abrupt. However, I don't have any suggestions for it.
And once again, very nice. Wish I saw more of your entries on here.
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