When you look into the mirror what do you see? Yourself right? What is the first thing you notice when you look into the mirror? If you're female, it's most likely a flaw with your appearance, is it not? Males? I'm female, so how in the ******** am I supposed to know what goes on in a guys head? I'm not wonder woman... *sighs* I guess the point of this rant is that I don't know what I see in the mirror. Of course I see the acne and the bags under my eyes. But what am I really looking at? I look myself in the eyes and look deep within and find nothing. Emotions are felt through the eyes. Your eyes never lie.... But I see nothing. Is that normal? Am I a freak for even thinking there was something wrong? I've done told you a million times I'm crazy. When I told you I meant it. Recently it seems like I haven't been myself lately. I've been having thoughts... and not the good kind. I used to be full of life, well the most I could possibly be, you know me. But anyway I used to live life for today, and worry about it tomorrow. Now, I live for tomorrow so I can see another day. Hoping one day I won't be doing the same s**t as the day before. I feel as if I'm lost inside my very own mind. I feel trapped by my own emotions. I don't worry about the effects of my actions. Because it doesn't matter to me anymore, nothing does. I am nothing in this world. And before you even think it, I AM NOT EMO!!! I DON'T CUT MYSELF TO GET RID OF MY PAIN!!! BLEEDING TO DEATH ISN'T THE WAY I PLAN TO LEAVE THIS MOTHER ******** PLACE!!! Anyway, I feel as if I'm turning into a monster. I can't even look my own reflection in the eyes. I see the things I'm not, which is many things. I'm not the prettiest girl. I'm not the smartest girl. I'm most certainly not the strongest girl. I'm not the best person for the job. I can't count backwards from a thousand without messing up. I'm not the best speller, or the best listener. I'm horrible at keeping secrets unless they're my own. I don't talk much, especially not in public. I don't have the best smile, or the best skin tone. I can't listen to techno without bursting into random dancing. I sing horribly to the song I like. I blare Evanescence in the car as I drift into a deep sleep looking out the passenger window. I can be forgetful, and I'm very lazy. I cause problems at times, and I can be very clumsy. I can't even tell the guy I've loved for like ever that I love him. Yes I have issues, and I have a lot going on in my life. Behind these eyes I am more than a mere girl. I hide in a mask and lie my a** off all day long. Not because I want to... its because I have too... In this rant forum I can be myself without fear. I am not afraid of saying I'm Ashley Eibeck, and I'm perfectly imperfect. I might be turning into something I'm not, I might be changing into a crazy b***h. I might be turning into a monster.... but deep inside I'm still me, and I like it that way. Even if it can be a pain in my a** sometimes....