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 Posted: Fri Feb 26, 2010 2:58 pm
I posted this in the Art Arena too. I wrote this beginning about two years ago. I hope you guys like it. :3
Cold, freezing, biting, ugly cold. That was the first thing that I could feel was the biting cold and also the cruel caress of rain. It was also my first memory. My conscious was working, but my body and mind couldn’t fully comprehend what was going on. I searched my mind for memories, for something warmer than the cold, but I couldn’t think of anything. Nothing came to me. I could think of facts like how much pie was or how to sing ring around the rosies, but basic things escaped me. For example I couldn’t remember my name or where I was from or why I was so cold. It was so bad that I couldn’t even remember what I looked like. Did I have blonde hair or brown? Blue or green eyes? Were all my limbs in the right place and on the right way?
Fear gripped my heart and I struggled consciously to make my body move, to make a finger twitch, a tilt of the head perhaps, something, anything to reassure that I even had a body. To make sure I wasn’t lost in some unknown universe floating around as a spirit.
I silenced my thoughts and focused. A heart beat, I would be able to tell if I had a body through a heart beat. I focused extremely hard on where I thought it should be relative to a persons body. It took a few minutes, or at least that’s what it felt like, before I felt that small thump, and then another. I mentally sighed in relief. I had a body, perhaps I just needed to wake up more.
After what felt like eternity I could feel the soft thudding of my heart. I relax considerably and could feel my mind pulling towards what I could only think of as sleep. Darkness filled the recesses of my mind and before I could stop it I was pulled in. The darkness was sweet and it caressed me like a mother would a child. Then I felt it. The first feeling of true warmth. It enveloped my body slowly, but surely and soon I could start to feel myself again. Light danced on the edges of the darkness so I slowly concentrated on opening my mysterious eyes.
Light flooded my vision and I could see something brown and grainy. It was dirt. I found that, with my eyes open, I could feel my body. There was no pain, there was nothing broken and I didn’t feel like I was dying. I could feel my fingers twitch and my leg move slightly. I raised my head up to see what else was around me. Green flooded my vision. Green leaves, green moss, green covered everything except for the ground which was a soft brown. Light flooded in through tree tops and it caused soft, yellowish-green hues to dance along the leaves.
I managed to move my arms and lift myself up. The surrounding area was what I could only describe as beautiful and beautiful it was. Still there was more pressing matters. I held up my arm which really didn’t feel like my own. I had no idea what race I was until I looked at the soft, pink skin of my arm. I was Caucasian, or white as most called it. I still didn’t know my age though. Was I fifty, twelve, twenty? I didn’t have the wrinkled skin that is an indicator of old age and my arms were longer than that of a twelve year old, though I couldn’t even really envision a real one, so that left me with between fifteen and late thirties. That was a stretch.
I looked around me, my eyes taking in the beauty. It really was a beautiful forest, full and alive. Left over rain water clung to the leaves and made the ground soft and moist. The sun sparkled off the droplets like crystals and it was utterly breathtaking. As the first visual memory of her life it wasn’t half bad. A large, blue bird flew over head, but she didn’t know the name of it. It’s cry was like a song though.
My eyes wandered down to my legs. They where clothed in a white skirt, long and what appeared to be cotton. It was lovely, despite the fact that it was covered in dirt. I pulled the shirt that I was wearing out to look at it to find that it was the same material as the skirt and just as dirty. As I was looking down a few strands of hair fell forward and they where almost white, an extremely white blonde. I wish I could see my face. I knew I wasn’t fat, but I also didn’t know if I was ugly or not. I couldn’t recall anything to reference to ugly, but I knew if I saw it I would know.
I decided to try out my legs. I pushed myself up off of my knees and, with a little bit of a wobble, I stood. I had to grab on to a nearby tree to steady myself. As I was standing I heard a small branch break and I looked up. There was a dark skinned woman standing there. She was large and wearing an intricate warp around her body. On top of her head was a beautiful vase. We both stared at each other in shock for a few moments before she started to say something in a language I didn’t know. She sounded scared.
The woman then turned, let the vase drop to the ground, and ran. The vase shattered and splinters flew all around. I couldn’t understand what about me would scare her. As far as I could tell I wasn’t to impressive physically and, unless I was horribly ugly then I shouldn’t have frightened her so. I manage to weakly walk over to the vase and picked up one of the pieces. Something caught my eye and stared in amazement at it. The vase had been encrusted in gold and jewels. Even if I had lost my memory I still knew gold and jewels were priceless. How interesting!
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Posted: Sat Feb 27, 2010 11:33 pm
definitely leaves me wanting more but there are a few awkward sections that could use some rearranging and could even drop some things all together. If you have more I'd love to read it.
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Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2010 11:06 am
It took me a while to finally be able to walk properly without relying on trees for balance. I stumbled still over the tree’s roots and rocks that littered the floor of what could only be called a forest. I walked carefully, not want to cut my bare feet on anything. I wondered what had led me to having no shoes in a forest such as this, but my questions would have to go unanswered.
I had decided, after examining that vase, that my only real choice would be to follow the woman. Regardless of the jewels, which would hopefully be of some use to me, I had no other clue as to where I should head. I assumed the woman came from a village that was nearby. At least I hoped. Maybe if I went there someone would recognize me or at least be able to tell where I was. Then again, I didn’t know if anyone would know a language I could speak.
I sigh and look up at the canopy of trees. There are a few monkey’s hanging from the vines. Their eyes gazed down at me curiously. I suddenly felt my foot catch on one of the many roots and I lost my footing. I put my hands out in front of me to catch myself before I fell face first in to the ground. A small sound of surprise escaped my lips as I made contact with the earth. Luckily, because of the rain, it was still soft and I didn’t twist anything.
I was about to rise when I noticed a small glint and it felt like something was hanging from my neck. I gaze down and notice a golden chain. I sit back on my knees and raise my hand to my neck. I feel along the chain, a fairly thick one actually, and feel towards what it was holding. I could feel a large object dangling from the chain and resting on my neck. I raise the stone and my eyes widen.
An emerald, beautiful and glimmering was in my hands. I wondered how I had come to own such a large and most likely expensive gem, but then again I could be a princess from some far away country and never be the wiser. As I peer at it I notice that there is something in the center. I hold the gem up to the light and I can see a small shape inside. It almost looked like someone had etched it there, but the surface of the emerald was smooth.
Suddenly a strong emotion hits me, like a wave from the ocean. I couldn’t understand this emotion and racked my brain trying to put a word to it, but there was nothing. Tears fell from my eyes and I bring a hand up to wipe them away. It takes me a minute to recover from this onslaught of feeling, but when it is over I decide to not stare to long at the gem around my neck.
I rise from my sitting position and continue on, ignoring the lingering feeling that had so overwhelmed me. I focus entirely on the small path before me that I had only started to notice. It didn’t seem like it was well trod, but it was there. It was straight at first, but then it started to wind around large trees and even crossed paths with a small lake. I paused for only a moment to appreciate the beauty of it.
I started to lose hope as night started to fall. I didn’t know what would be out at night, but I was certain I would be in danger, especially with out a fire. Still, I found it odd that I hadn’t encountered many animals. Of course I saw them, but they kept a distance, like the monkey’s in the trees. Even insects seemed to stray away from me. Odd.
Suddenly I noticed that the path had connected to a wider path, large and well worn. It is actually fairly wide as well. I start to follow that path, hoping I was going towards something and not away. A large hill comes in to view and I almost sigh. I was getting tired and my very bones were aching, but perhaps just over that hill would be a village or something. As I walk up it though I notice something seems to be glimmering. I tilt my head slightly as it comes in to focus. A bird? It almost seemed like a large, yellow bird was sitting atop the hill. I could feel my face contort with confusion as I drew closer.
As I neared the bird seemed to get larger and it also seemed as if it was sitting atop a large perch. I reached the top of the hill and my breath was taken away. What I had thought to be a yellow bird was not actually a real bird at all. It was the top of some large, pyramid type structure that over looked a large town, with covered buildings. It was huge, but the part that took my breath away was the fact that it was all covered in gold. Every brick, every cobblestone, everything. And it was massive, ridiculously huge. The entirety of it all filled the large valley it was in. She couldn’t believe it. And in the center of the metropolis was the large, pyramid with the golden bird atop it.
I stood there, unable to move for the sheer magnificence of the place. It was also bustling with people. I could feel something a kin to hope spring up in my chest and I started to descend in to the city. Perhaps someone could help me there. As I descend I realize how large this place actually is. Everything towers over me, the entrance a lone was so tall it rivaled the height of the trees.
I noticed, as I neared, that there where two men, both dark-skinned like the woman, guarding the entrance to the city. They held spears in their hands, pointed and very intimidating, but the men looked relaxed and as if they had never had a reason to use them. It took them a little longer to spot me, not until I was a little more than a yard away, but when they did it almost seemed as if their faces paled. I felt almost insulted at their reaction, but confusion won out when they turned and started to run towards the pyramid.
I looked around, wondering if I had missed something, but there was nothing else besides me. How was I scaring all of these natives? I could tell that a few other people who where around was wondering the same thing as they looked towards the entrance, but soon they followed suit and their faces paled. Unlike the guards though they didn’t run towards the pyramid, they either stopped moving altogether or they ran in to one of the buildings.
I was slightly annoyed now. What was wrong with me that I was granted such animosity from these people? I decided to ask a man who was near. I approached him, putting on a smile that I hoped would not scare him.
“Excuse me? Where--”
I was cut off though when he let out a fearful gasp and shook his head, refusing to speak before he turned and ran. I was annoyed again, but determined. I approached a few more, but was greeted with the same fearfulness. What in the world is wrong with this people?
I decide to give up and I head straight towards the pyramid. Perhaps someone there could tell me where I was and what was wrong with me. All along the streets people where hiding or stopping their movements. Some peered curiously out of windows, but after seeing me would hide away quickly.
I watched them as I walked, they were wearing thin clothing that had many designs on them, very bright and beautiful. The men only wore small cloths covering their nakedness while the woman wore wraps that covered their torso and legs. Some wore longer wraps others shorter. Children were donned in a similar way. They were all dark-skinned and surprisingly most of them were beautiful. Where in the world am I?
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Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2010 5:02 pm
Pretty good, There's a little bit of tense disagreement. Sometimes it seems as though she is in the present tense and then others she is in past tense. Also I caught one line where the Subject changed from I to she.
Keep it up though!
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Posted: Mon Mar 29, 2010 7:05 pm
Oh, >.< what a terrible cliff hanger. But it's amazing I can't wait to read the rest of it.
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