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I'd just like to here your thoughts on domestic abuse,
and what should be done about it.

I guess it's something I'd like to get out my my system, too.

Domestic abuse refers to behaviour which is carried out by one or both partners in a relationship. It can take place is the form of physical violence, emotional blackmail and threats, and also economic deprivation. Although we usually hear about women receiving such treatment, men CAN be victims too. Other victims may include witnessing children.

Has anyone ever experienced anything like this? Witnessing your parents perhaps, or even a previous/current partner? Have you ever been the abuser? (verbally abusive etc) - If you don't want to share your experiences, don't feel you have to. (The text in blue is my experience. Please skip it if you'd rather just stick to the general topic.)

Regrettably, I have been in a relationship in which I was the victim. It's really difficult to explain why I stayed for so long.. I don't think someone who hasn't been through it could really understand. I felt sort of... lucky. Almost happy? Well, I suppose it was fake happiness, really. I guess I was in denial. He made me feel bad enough to believe that I wasn't worth loving, that he was the only one who'd ever stay with me, and for that, I was grateful. It sounds strange but.. the little things, the few nice things he did for me.. they were both a thousand beatings. Sometimes he'd text me goodnight, saying "sweet dreams", sometimes he held me for a long time. It was those moments I cherished, they made everything seem worth it.

Even after it was over, I still couldn't get normality through to my head. It was really strange. Before him, I took the view of: "Men shouldn't do things like that" I'd see cases of it on TV and think *why don't you leave him?!* But, after I'd got involved.. all of those views melted away. My next relationship was with a wonderful, kind boy.. but I was still terrified. I felt absolutely certain I was going to get punished at some point. I remeber that one time, I brought him a cup of coffee. I tripped slightly and spilled a little from the mug. I freaked out straight away, got down on my knees sobbing, and begged him to teach me a lesson for being such an idiot. Luckily he knew about my past so was very understanding.. but honestly I just couldn't understand WHY he hadn't beat me. I genuinely thought he was very strange.

Anyway, I've come on in leaps and bounds since then. I intend to carry on life with my head held high, and enjoy being who I am. I've kind of..learned to like myself a little. :)

So, what do you guys think of domestic violence in general? Do you think there's more the police/refugee action can do? A shocking number of people have died at the hands of their partners, even after going to the police many times and asking for help. Do you think the police are doing all they can? Should they do more?

I personally think there should also be more help for men who suffer from domestic abuse. I've heard of many places women can go to take cover and hide away for a while.. but what about the males? A friend of mine had a vile, vicious girlfriend for a long time.. who stole from him, punched him, cut him, burnt him, it was horrendous. Sickening. I think people like that really need serious help too. Maybe some have serious problems, and need to be helped rather than singled out.

Anyway,
what's your opinion?

Truthfully, if men/women don't speak out more about their abuse, what more can the police do? The law can only do so much if nobody says anything, they can't be watching you 24/7, which I think is the only other way that they would be able to do more about domestics, but nobody wants that, right? neutral I know I don't. Either way, the law (at least in America) has made pretty good headway in the ways of domestic violence. I know before that raping your spouse wasn't considered a crime, but these days it is. Women also have the same, if not more, rights than men (you know this is true, women can get off easier for sex crimes than guys, etc.) so at least there's more protection in place... at least for women. There may be more for men if society wasn't so double-standard on these subjects, but alas. Point is, more could be done if more people reported it... and I don't just mean the person being abused.

Friends and neighbors often notice domestic abuse, but never report it to the police. I know people usually think to "mind their own business", but sometimes, they could save a life if they didn't. I dunno how many times I've read about neighbors who were eye-witnesses to a murder or act of violence and they either never called or never told the police all of what they know because they were afraid of getting involved or some other dumb crap. If I heard somebody next door crying while another person was screaming unreal s**t, I'd just call the cops. Not like the neighbors would know it was me calling them.

If I knew one of my friends was in an abusive relationship, I'd urge them to get the hell out of it. I'd let them cry on my shoulder all they need to about the whole thing, but I will only do it for so long - I don't want them to stay in a position where that's all they will do. I want them to be in a position to where they can get out of that kind of thing and if they need me to report the abuse for them, so be it. I don't care if they say "I love him/her so much, though" or "But they're the only one that's ever going to love me"... because I'd know that's not true - I know love doesn't work that way.

As for personal experiences with domestics, I haven't had much. I have been involved with women who have the type of unhealthy mindset that can land them into such a position, though. I've also had friends that were like that, as well, and I always tell them to be careful. It's kind of sad that there are so many people that have such a low self-esteem that they'd end up in that kind of situation, but I don't think it's entirely their fault... s**t happens. sweatdrop The only time I can think of having some kind of 'domestics' was when I was dating this girl that made me feel like I couldn't be accepted for who/what I was/am, and that I was this horrible person just for being as such. She made me feel trapped and kind of murdered my self-esteem, made me insecure as hell about myself. She wasn't exactly outright controlling or 'abusive' I guess. She did smother and keep tabs on me to the point of being completely and utterly obsessed... said she'd go insane or hurt herself or some crap if I left her. >.>; I really thought she would. Of course, I'm not with her anymore, but I've stayed her friend and tried to help her through her issues...

So, do I think all that there can be done, is being done? No, not really. Our society and probably the police are getting desensitized to violence in general, they probably stuff crap like this at the bottom of the pile - especially if it's a repeat report. They probably just shrug it off and take another call. I was kind of getting that kind of treatment from the ER after a while. <_< The problem isn't exactly the establishment, just the people. Some will care, some won't, some will only care to an extent, then just think it's your own fault/problem after a certain amount of time.

Blah, anyway, I think you get my standing on this. xD; I've kinda rambled a bit.