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Rachael stood on top of a large cliff that overlooked an even larger desert. The sand ran on for miles and didn't stop until it met the horizon where the sun was already rising. Her dark, brown eyes scanned the ground closer to her and saw no immediate threats. She started to descend from her perch towards the ground below, towards the vast desert. There she was told she would find what she was looking for, the One. She remembered back to the day her journey began, the day she left the life she had known for ten, long years behind.

Grandmother Dia sat in her small tent alone, her eyes closed and smoke swirling around her. The day was just beginning, but only a few of their groups inhabitants were stirring. They had just camped in the large, mountainous region and most were still tired from the previous days excursion. Only those on watch and Grandmother Dia where awake. Rachael was among those on watch.

She sat on a high ledge, scanning the surrounding cliffs and crevices, looking for danger and food. Next to her sat a younger man, about eighteen. He was new to the watch job and overly talkative. Rachael had been tuning him out most of the morning, but he seemed so full of questions that she simply wanted to slit his throat so he would shut up. Finally there was a minute of silence and Rachael breathed a sigh of relief, only to have it interrupted.

"Hey Rachael, why are you so serious all of the time? I mean everyone is so nice, but your...You just act like there is nothing worth smiling about."

Rachael raised an eyebrow and looked over at the insolent man. Her face took on an annoyed look with a devastating glare that warned the boy to shut up before she really did kill him, but he continued on as if her look meant nothing.

"I mean you are pretty good looking so it's not like you‘ll be alone forever, but you act like you don't want to get close to anyone. Well I guess there are other things too...Maybe you just aren't a very good person."

He said in an innocent voice that made Rachael want to toss him off the cliff. She decided that that last comment deserved an answer.

"I wouldn't expect an insolent brat like you to understand."

He looked at her, shocked that she had spoken. He was about to reply when she suddenly stood up, her knife drawn. A shot of fear ran through him as he wondered if he had said to much, but then she put a finger to her plump lips and pointed towards a cliff a few feet down.

A large, bear like creature called a Mandri was wandering around. It was larger than seven feet with matted, black fur and angry red eyes. It was obvious that it had a lot of meat on it, but it looked mean. The boy scooted away from the edge, a new sense of fear over taking him. Rachael looked down at him and glared.

"Coward."

She muttered before she jumped down and landed a ledge above the creature. Silently she maneuvered down, her long legs reaching every foot hold. When she was mere inches above it, her knife poised to go into its skull, a rock from above fell and hit the ground next to the beast. Rachael looked up in time to see the horrified expression of the young man before he scurried back. She then whirled her head around as a roar came from the startled beast.

Suddenly Rachael was face to face with it and her eyes narrowed. She was quick to perform the swift feet spell, a spell that sped up her movements, allowing her enough time to move before the creatures claws tore through her. She wasn't strong, but was she that skilled with fighting, and she had her speed, but she wasn't sure if that would be enough.

That's why she couldn't trust people. They always wanted to protect themselves. That's why he could simply stand back cowering while she was in real danger. Rachael's already dark eyes seemed to get darker. She wouldn't let herself lose to some stupid Mandri nor would she let him get off.

She invoked her swift foot and quickly ran to the other side of the ledge. Its' claws swiped at her and grazed her shoulder, causing a shallow gash. Grasping her knife in both hands, Rachael raced up the wall of the cliff, above the creatures head, and then propelled herself off the wall and pointed her knife down towards its skull.

With a sickening thud it fell to the ground, a small, stunted roar escaping its mouth. Rachael ripped her knife out of its skull and turned her angry gaze up at the cliff she had been patrolling on. Her eyes were still filled with dark anger and she pointed her knife up at the cliff.

"Get down here and start carrying this back to camp before I come up there for you."

A small squeak met her ears and she grimaced in disgust. Men should be stronge, not act like scared boys while a woman did something a man should. Rachael shook her had and wiped her knife on the ground. The boy clumsily climbed down. He gulped when he saw her eyes, even though they where shrouded by loose strands of hair.

"You carry him back, I'll skin him and cook him. I don't want your cowardice seeping into the meat."

He nodded, fear shooting through him again. She wasn't overly strong, but she was smart and fast and that was enough to scare him. He hadn't even been able to speak, let alone help. The two headed back in sweet silence.

Her eyes wandered up to the red sky that was now a light pink because of the rising sun. It was something that was always there so Rachael usually ignored it, but still she was always curious about what it had been like before the world changed. Grandmother Dia had always told her tales of the blue sky, like fresh water, but now it was stained red. Dia said it was because of the oceans, but she had never seen the oceans so she didn‘t know what that had to do with anything.

When they arrived at camp it was bustling with life. Everyone was awake and going about their business. A couple people stopped to stare at the kill. Some asked who killed it, but not many had to. The kid was an amateur. No way it was him. Besides he wasn’t exactly the strongest warrior.

A woman walked over to Rachael as she was about to start skinning the beast. She tapped her lightly on the shoulder and she looked up. It was one of Grandmother Dias’ attendants. The woman was powerful and influential in their village as well as the leader so it made sense that she had some helpers. She was also old so she couldn’t do what she used to.

"Grandmother Dia would like a word."

Rachael nodded and stood up. She turned to one of the men who where around and asked him to skin it. She said her assistant wasn't capable of such a feat. This earned a couple laughs as the new boy blushed in embarrassment and glared with a look of resentment. Rachael walked over to the small tent of their nomadic leader, Grandmother Dia. She was the one Rachael had met that fateful day and who had essentially adopted her into the circle.

The woman was her savior, she had brought her in to the group when she was alone and misguided. She showed her the way of magic and gave her life purpose. The day that she had found Rachael in the woods and had sensed the small potential in her was the day her life had changed and now she was apart of a new world. Rachael wondered what she wanted.

The tent was filled with smoke when she entered, but she could see Grandmother Dia clearly. The old woman sat in a meditative poise, her eyes closed. Rachael sat in front of her, her eyes never leaving her face. The woman wasn’t very impressive. A little larger wearing fairly muted clothing. Her darker skin and white hair that was let loose so it could flow freely around her made her look a little majestic, but her skin was worn with age. After a few moments of silence the woman she had indebted her life to spoke.

"I am sorry to have to call you here, but it is time."

Rachael adopted a confused look on her face, but before she could question anything the old woman raised her wrinkled hand and opened her eyes.

"You have learned all we can teach you. It is time you continue on your own quest, yet a quest that concerns us all."

Rachael's only mission in life was to find the place where grass grew tall and the wildflowers covered the earth. That was the only goal she had ever had, though the old woman didn't know that. She had never told anyone about her family and the promise she had made or the night that destroyed her life

"You seek a place, but the only person who can lead you to that place is the One. I believe it is your destiny to find this person and learn their secrets. Only then can you find what you seek."

Rachael raised an eyebrow. The One? The one who was supposed to change the sky to blue? Rachael thought about how that person would help her find her meadow, but then she thought about it more. If they could explain such a complex thing as the sky then they should surely be able to know about a single field of wildflowers. Rachael's deep brown eyes took on a determined look as she looked at Grandmother Dia.

"I'll do it."

Rachael stood at the edge of the desert, the vastness of it almost overwhelming. She was wearing a white, light-weight shawl with a matching skirt. It was easy to move in and was decorated in the standard design of her specific Despri group. She was carrying a large leather pack that held her change of clothes and all of her provisions.

Rachael remembered what Grandmother said about the desert. She said if you enter directly from this point then you should be able to find a refugee village near an oasis. It would take about a day, but it would be a place for her to start her search for the One and meadow. She would probably get there by night fall since it was still early morning. Still if she used her swift feet she could get there in half a day. Either way that meant she would be able to sleep on a real bed.

With that in mind Rachael started off, determined to find answers to her questions and fulfill her promise to her family. Get there quickly was looking better and better.

I would like to start off with a big thank you. I really appreciate the criticism and help. I suppose I'll answer some of the statements in order so it'll make sense as I go along.



The reason I do the bold at each paragraph is simply a format styling I like, nothing else really. If you think it would make it look more aesthetically pleasing to not have it that way than I will consider changing it.



And the reason I start out with a scene is because I want to make it clear that she is separated from the next scenes in the village and the mountains. Still I can add another paragraph to the beginning about her description or something along those lines.



Now the reason I go into detail about the camp life is because in the story I don't plan on having many flashbacks to it in the rest of the story. It's more I'm trying to give the reader a good sense of what their life is like before it simply disappears in to the back.



I'm glad you liked the characters here. I really do like the boy, he's curious and for the most part nice, he's simply a little slow on the up take and hasn't gotten used to fighting. A greenhorn. To bad I can't use him more.



Your right, I was a little lazy with that, ha ha.



Another moment of laziness. I will have to come up with a better dialogue.



I was struggling with the naming part when I started writing that part. I wasn't sure I would even put a name for the bear, but I wanted to make it a little clearer that the thing wasn't just like mutated black bear or something. I do name it a little later though. Hmm...



That seems reasonable enough. I do tend to get repetitive in my writing some times.



That was kind of an odd time to go in to her head. I'm not the best at action scenes so thank you for the suggestion. :3



In this part I had it more as narrative perspective, as if your watching it, not as if your experiencing it, but your right if I want it to be as if your there I should definitely review the wounds later.



The typo I noticed too. Bah. Bad one. Ha ha. And the reason that she thinks that way is just kind of an example of how the world and in some ways she, views how it should be. Really it's almost unheard of in their culture for a woman to even pick up a knife if she isn't cooking. While in their tribe it isn't as weird because their leader is a female and everyone uses magic in their tribe, the rest of the world still views that as odd.

Also Rachael isn't from their group initially, she still isn't as used to it as they are and some of her old beliefs from when she was a child still so in her mind she is doing a man's job, though she doesn't mind, she still thinks the boy should be even more embarrassed because she is a woman doing something a man, in their society, should be doing.

And that's why. ha ha. I went into a long explanation for that one. Sorry. :3



One of my favorite parts too. :3



I think your right. That would flow better. I'm a little wary to do a flashback within a flashback, but if you feel that would help then I could. It would also be a better place to explain a little more about what their goal is. Hmm...



Your right. I did kind of become redundant again. :3



For the most part it was pretty much Rachael's own opinion of her. She thinks she's a majestic, beautiful, strong person whom she holds in the highest respects. But I can see what you mean, a little less opinion and let the readers get their own vision of her.

And as for your two concerns, the reason the quest starts so soon is because, for the story it has to. Rachael, while the main character at this point, isn't going to have much more explained about her and pretty much her life before the quest is unimportant to the story. Her role is more clearly shown later and it will make a little more sense as to why I jumped right in to it.

And the mini info dumps is because, as I said in the beginning, her life at the camp is pretty much all being explained here. She doesn't dwell on those things and her mind quickly becomes occupied with other things. There is still a lot that hasn't been explained, and I mean a LOT, so, for now, it works. :3

And thank you again for going over this so thoroughly. I greatly appreciate it because it shows that you are interested in this and want to see it at it's best. I hope that I can do that. I really love this story and the characters and I'm very glad to have the criticism. Please, any other suggestions are welcome. :3 heart

I would actually love to have you as a beta reader. :3 Perhaps I can pm you with some stuff a little later. :3