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 Posted: Mon Feb 22, 2010 11:42 pm
I don't know how to show, the fear and pain inside,I don't know how to express myself,only how to hide. these words you press upon me,it's plain you can not see, that everthing you say and do, it breaks my heart in two, you do not understand,I must crawl in a hole, i bury myself with my hands, these emotions that you stole. these tears you bring into the night, it blinds my eyes of sight, and now,after all is said and done, it is time to foget,and step out in the sun. i will set myself straight, and know that all the hate in the world, shall be brought again.
this is a poem i wrote during study hall a few days ago hope you injoy it as much as my school.
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Posted: Mon Feb 22, 2010 11:44 pm
Wow, that was actually pretty good.
Your punctuation needs a little work, though.
I could help you if you'd like. c:
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Krombopulos Michael Captain
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Posted: Mon Feb 22, 2010 11:49 pm
i would love your help thanks and thanks for the complement
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Posted: Mon Feb 22, 2010 11:55 pm
ok this is just off the top of my head tell me if it is any good
I have never felt this way before,your beuty draws me in,but it turns out that you like me, only as a freind, I cry for my heart is broken, and I don't now if I can love again, but now you see my true fellings, and you wounder if you love one or the other.
p,s, listen to your heart and you will always go the right way.
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Krombopulos Michael Captain
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Posted: Tue Feb 23, 2010 12:00 am
It would look better if it was more stanza-shaped. Maybe a few more periods, a couple fewer commas....
Let me see.....
I don't know how to show,
The fear and pain inside.
I don't know how to express myself,
Only how to hide.
These words you press upon me,
it's plain you can not see,
that everything you say and do,
it breaks my heart in two.
{I think that 'three' would sound better than 'two'. But that's up to you~ ....Hey, that rhymed! c:}
You do not understand,
I must crawl in{to?} a hole,
I bury myself with my hands,
These emotions that you stole.
These tears you bring into the night,
It blinds my eyes of sight.
And now after{that?} all is said and done,
it is time to forget, and step out in the sun.
I will set myself straight,
and know that all the hate in the world,
shall be brought again.
{This stanza doesn't make too much sense to me. What's going to happen to the hate?}
I hope I didn't overstep any bounds. Just putting in my own artistic criticism. ^^;
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Posted: Tue Feb 23, 2010 12:03 am
it is in the wording all the hate will be brought again
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Krombopulos Michael Captain
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Posted: Tue Feb 23, 2010 12:27 am
Ah, okay.
I get it now. c:
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Posted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 5:03 pm
how come no one writes poetry it is awsome you can write about anything in a poem
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Krombopulos Michael Captain
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Posted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 5:06 pm
I use to write poetry.
I haven't written anything recently, though.
I'm proud to say that I was the best in my entire class. :I
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Posted: Sat Mar 06, 2010 10:23 am
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