Welcome to Gaia! ::

G’day there love.
`Yup, this is a sappy speech – a horrible amalgamation of affirmations, explanations and declarations of love. I thought for ages about what to do for V-day, and this is what I decided on – hope ya like it.

Things were bad before you came into my life. My girlfriend of one year had left me because my depression had gotten too bad for her to handle – and the lesson I’d learned was that as a person, I was not good enough. I wasn’t worthy of happiness or love. I was at the lowest point I’d ever been at. I simply hated myself – I wanted to die so I could become someone better. I hurt myself however I could to try and distract myself from the emotional pain. Razor blades, cigarettes…I’m not proud of what I did to try and take away the pain. I wanted to die, but for some reason I couldn’t end it. Cowardice, maybe? I like to think it was hope – hope that maybe someone would prove me wrong.

Eventually, I learned to bury it deep down. I wasn’t good enough, so I wore a mask and pretended to be someone else. The art I first requested from you was another piece of the mask I was weaving around myself. When we first met, that’s what you saw. I found you…intriguing. You were different to the generic rank-and-file Gaian. You were smart, interesting. You knew all the jokes and the culture, but you were somehow above it. Also, you had an opinion and were very good at communicating it.

So I put on the mask. Layered on the charm and made like a person that was okay. The mask never fails me, and it didn’t fail then. I was afraid to show you who I really was, because I was convinced you would realize what a pathetic piece of s**t I was and laugh in my face. The more I talked to you and the more I grew to know you, however, the more I came to realize what an amazing person you were. You weren’t just funny and smart, but you were also caring and kind and beautiful.

And when I couldn’t hide behind the mask anymore, you showed nothing but compassion, understanding and love. I don’t think words can begin to articulate how much that meant to me. I was able to be myself without fear of reprimand. You showed me that it was okay to just be myself. I don’t think that I would be alive today if you hadn’t come into my life when you did. It was your kindness, your love that showed me that there was a reason to keep going, that there was a happy ending out there.

When you walked out, not because of me but because of you, I think I realized how much you meant to me…and I wanted to make it better. I could see you were hurting because like me you didn’t think you were good enough.

You were good enough for me, my love. You are good enough for me. You’re everything I could have ever asked for in a partner, and more. So I dropped the mask and didn’t give up hope. I needed to help realize how amazing you are as much as I needed your help to keep me afloat. With you…I’m not pathetic or insufficient anymore. I’m a person who’s worth something to someone special. All my life I’ve looked for a reason to live, something worth fighting, living and dying for. I found it that day that you said you loved me.

I love you, _________. For so long, pain, fear and anger have been the constants in my life. Now, it’s love, joy and hope that fuel me. I love you with all my heart. You make me feel joy, and I want to make you happy too. I have hope in my heart that together we will make a life worth living, a life that we can look back on when we’re old and grey with no regrets, whilst sipping on prune juice and muttering about kids these days.

You make me happy. I’ll be walking down the street and check the time on my phone, only to remember it’s set to your time and smile as I see your beautiful face smiling back at me. I’ll have a little smile on the bus heading to Uni, knowing I’ll be able to hear your voice before too long. Whenever I see a calendar, I think of the day that I step off that plane and into your arms…and it gives me strength to face the days in between now and then.

And I do intend to spend the rest of my life with you. I’ve already got a vague idea of my wedding vow to you, and we’ve already worked out what we’re going to call our kids. We’ll make a life together, you and I, and it will be wonderful.

So, I just wanted to say this – to tell you how much you mean to me, and how much I owe you. Thank you, _______. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your love and your patience.

I love you, and I always will.

Happy Valentines Day!