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 Posted: Tue Feb 16, 2010 2:30 pm
Story of the Paladin
Jonesy stood atop the highest church steeple looking out over the city. It rest half way up the mountain side but, other than the top of the vast mountain range itself this was the highest vantage point for viewing the city.
The wind gusted constantly at this level and it tousled her blue hair about her face. Night had begun to fall when a young Priestess passed through the opening on the floor. "Sir Gareth! I did not mean to disrupt you!" She gave Jonesy a humbled bow, her long blond hair sweeping down and covering either side of her face.
Jonesy laughed at the girl shaking her head from side to side. "Don't call me that Kate! You know it embarrasses me when YOU do it!"
Kate lifted her head and looked into Jonesy's eyes mischievously.
Jonesy opened her arms widely with a smile "Comere Kiddo! Ive missed you so much!"
Kate lunged forward arms spread wide embarrassing her older sister with a gleeful laugh.
"I’ve missed you too Joen!" Kate’s blue robes rippled in the wind as she held onto her sister lovingly. Kate was a bit shorter then Jonesy so, her head was rested perfectly on the upper half of her breastplate -where the collar bone would be-
"So its true then!?..." Jonesy laughed releasing her sibling from the embrace. "I can tell by your arm you are learning archery. And from what your instructor tells me... you’re frightfully good at it!"
Kate smiled widely with pride at her older sister, one could tell by the eyes that they were sisters but by all other means they were totally different.
A tear slid down jonesy's face as the voices echoed in her mind....
"I cant wait to go see Lady Madison.." Kate gave that smile that reminded Jonesy of sun, with its pure golden rays of light. It was genuine, kind, considerate and, filled with so much compassion. Her smile always looked like that...even when Jonesy held the dieing Kate in her arms.
Kate didn't care if she was dieing then but, to see her older sibling agonize over it crushed her.
Jonesy snapped back to her time, back down to her current reality, the reality Kate was no longer a part of.
Tears were streaming down Jonesy's face as she sat on the ground under a tree. It was several yards away from the road and well hidden. Her horse, Arcanin grazed near by as she sat their morning her sisters death yet again. Kate had been dead for a full two years and sill she wept like a small child over the ordeal, as well she had been blind in one eye for a full two years. In fact it was because of that injury Kate had died
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Posted: Wed Feb 17, 2010 6:11 am
I like this. There are only three teeny tiny problems that I have with it.
1. There are a few grammatical errors, but nothing that can't be fixed. (:
2. Please double space your paragraphs. That way it makes it so that the reader isn't confronted by a wall of text. When It's a bit more spaced out, yes it looks longer, but it also looks less intimidating. (:
3. The transition between physically having Kate there, and then learning that she is actually deceased is a little bit choppy. This can also be easily fixed. (: I suggest using a sentence like "But Kate was not really there." or something along those lines, just to make it a little more clear what is happening.
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